Helicopter Parenting

Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Helicopter Parenting
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Sat, 02-23-2013 - 6:56am

In an effort to move on from the other thread, Lol......  What is helicopter parenting IYO?  Do you see it only at school or in other settings as well?  What does it look like?  Provide examples if you can, Thank you. 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2013
Sat, 02-23-2013 - 10:52am

It's one thing to offer parental support. It is something else to monitor your collegian like I watch my kindergartener. I've known of parents w/GPS tracking devices on their kid's cell phone. Guess what? When she went to the bar, she left her cell phone in the dorm so her parents would think she was home studying instead of out drinking. The GPS didn't keep her from doing what she did, it just kept her from being honest w/her parents about what she was doing...

On Wednesdays we wear pink.

Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 02-23-2013 - 10:52am

That's interesting, Or the Cincinnati student whose parents stalked her every move and excused it on paying her way through school.  At the campus I attend I have seen young kids in the office accompanied by - who seem to be - their parents.  Who knows if they're there only to write a check or offer a little parental advice and support. 

 


 


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Registered: 02-20-2013
Sat, 02-23-2013 - 10:49am

My son loves reading on his Kindle app on his iPod and on my old school Kindle. I love the portability and accessability of books on it, not to mention the ability to store hundreds of books in a teeny, tiny space. Plus, anything that makes reading attractive to kids is a plus in my book. DD loves the Reading Rainbow app on my iPad. While I closely monitor their screen time, I am able to appreciate how MineCraft stimulates DS's spatial reasoning skills and education apps teach my daughter while she thinks she's playing a game.

While I feel for teens growing up in an era of cell phone cameras and social networking, I think there are many pluses to technology. It is common to look back on the "good old days" with nostalgia and rose colored glasses (Happy Days did just that in the late 70s) but reality is that the good old days had their issues too.

On Wednesdays we wear pink.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2013
Sat, 02-23-2013 - 10:44am
Yes I feel like I am a bad mom because I am not that mom on top of my kids all the time. We were just at a family dinner the other night and I was basically "told" by another family member to get my child their dinner (buffet style, fill up your plate). Ummm...the child is 9 years old and if the child can fill up their plate at home every night for dinner, why wouldn't they be able to do it outside of my home? Everyone basically looked at me, which then I looked like the bad mother for saying something. When does it end though, 9, 12, 18, 35? Seems like none of these kids are going to be able to take care of themselves since their parents are doing everything for them. I used to think my mom was a helicopter mom because she did a lot for us, mostly because she was a sahm and there was really no reason for us to do most everything as she had the time. There is no way she would do half of this stuff that parents do nowadays though, especially regarding schooling. While I think sometimes it was bad she did a bunch of things (had to learn things on my own but not sure if that would make a difference at 13 or 20 though) for me, it wasn't like I was not learning from her and she gave us a strong foundation to be able to go out and take care of ourselves.
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Registered: 02-20-2013
Sat, 02-23-2013 - 10:43am

My kindergartener helps w/laundry. I must be the worst mom EVER making a five year old do chores. Except, my  personal experience tells me otherwise. My mother grew up doing chores for half a day every Saturday and hating them (and her mother for making her do them). So in a well meaning but horribly misguided attempt at us not growing up and hating chores (or her), she seldom made us do them. And when she did, I quickly learned that doing a piss poor job of them (turning dad's tighty whities pink in the laundry, for example, or running the riding lawn mower into the fence) relieved me of my responsibilities. So when I graduated from college in May, bought a house in June, and married in July, I realized the first week of August that I'd better learn some cooking and cleaning skills rather fast. And I did. And I'm fine. But my poor mom--she was busting her butt all those years--she did it out of love, but she didn't have to. 

And if DS's clothes don't make it to the hamper & laundry room, he doesn't have clean clothes to wear. I may be a SAHM but I am NOT a maid. If clothes don't make it to the hamper, they don't get clean. Yup--they've both got chores. Because we're a family and everyone has jobs to make the family work.

On Wednesdays we wear pink.

Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 02-23-2013 - 10:42am

Thanks hazeleyes, And I agree there's a fne balance b/w family time and not needing the latest toys to fullfill that  I truly think electronics have done more harm than good, A favorite tv show we like to watch as a family is the cosby show, Lol The kids get the greatest laugh from that and as DH and I watch it we're reminded how simpler times were not too long ago (1980s), They watched tv, read books and answered one phone, That's all been replaced with individual cell phones, laptops, kindles etc. etc. Our kids are growing up at a time where technology is everything, Most annoying is the commercial tha tsells itself on connecting 3X faster than another line, What's the hurry?  Lol.

Uhm, You're a great mom. 

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2013
Sat, 02-23-2013 - 10:33am

Bord--I know of a student whose parents called the University President to complain about the switch from name brand Lucky Charms to generic. Their daughter could tell the difference and "for what they were paying in tuition and room and board their kid ought to have name brand Lucky Charms." You might be a helicopter parent if...

IME, you don't have to look far to find them. I have a friend who has 4 kids ranging in age from hs to preschool. At the neighborhood pool w/her one day, she did not sit down. For four hours. She bounced from one kid to the next to the next "You okay? You okay? What do you need?" It was exhausting to watch her. And my oldest can't stand her kid who is his age b/c he has no interpersonal skills. Why? B/c instead of letting her kids sort things out for themselves, she intervenes. Constantly. 

My definition is two-fold. It is the parents who intervene and do for the kids what the kids ought to do for themselves. But also, it is the parents who hover. Yesterday a group of us went sledding. Since I have a kindergartener, I was out there on the hill sledding with the kids. But most of the other moms (whose kids are friends w/DS) waited in their cars while the kids were sledding. And when little bit got cold and tired of the whole thing well before big brother, off to the car we went to warm up. At 11, he is certainly old enough to sled w/friends w/o me standing right there. But a helicopter mom would have stayed by his side the whole time.

This isn't some sort of made up term, as more parents have turned parenting into an Olympic sport and internalized the process, helicopter parenting has arisen as a consequence of that. By doing everything for their kids and constantly intervening, parents minimize "failures" and maximize "successes" for their kids. You know, until the kid goes out into the real world and can't function b/c they don't know how b/c their parents have done everything for them their entire life...

On Wednesdays we wear pink.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2013
Sat, 02-23-2013 - 10:31am
I do many things for my teenager, which I probably shouldn't but the child knows how to do the things foremost so it is not a worry of mine. I still want to be a mom, if you know what I mean and I do things out of love and try and help them out, especially when they are busy with school things and sports. Just as my dh does things for me (after work he did 4 loads of laundry for me, folded them and put away the towels and his own clothes-he got some clothes messed up with whose piles but it saved me a huge amount of time) and I do things for him. I think there needs to be a balance. You can't do everything for everyone and you can't do nothing for someone (no matter for your child or spouse or SO). It is hard to find a balance and it can be very stressful at times.
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Registered: 01-08-2009
Sat, 02-23-2013 - 10:27am
There are many people who believe that teaching kids to cook/bake amounts to "making them how up too fast" and that it is the mother's job to serve the family, and that she's being neglectful and lazy if the teens have to cook, do laundry, and have household chores. I've never understood that attitude, yet it's been repeatedly defended right here on this very board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2013
Sat, 02-23-2013 - 10:18am
Isn't it amazing? My 14 yr. old easily cooks. While it is not always healthy, this is something they will learn doing it for themselves while providing them healthy food (most teenagers will pick the junk before the fruit/veggies but my kids eat them too so I know they like them and will choose them also). My child can also get up by themselves, get dressed, get ready, etc. Giving themselves some independence to figure things out on their own is the best thing a parent can do for their child.

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