help! to quit or not to quit

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
help! to quit or not to quit
8
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 9:36pm
After more than 10 years of working and feeling very proud of my career and my ability to juggle 2 small kids and a husband who travels - A LOT - I am seriously thinking about quitting. I am afraid though I will regret the decision and give up a great job close to home. My husband and I already argue about where we spend our money - when I am not bringing home a salary will I be giving up the fight with him? What happens if something happens to him - or us? Will I be able to work again? Are there any valid work from home connections that I might be able to bring home a little bit of spending money? Help! I need your thoughts to help me with this decision?
Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 9:48pm
We need more info. Why do you want to quit? How does your DH think about it? How would this affect your family financially?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 10:11pm

From a financial standpoint .. can you make it on your dh's salary alone? If you're not sure of this, try taking your paycheck and putting it away somewhere and not using ANY of it for 3-4 months. If you can handle it, you're one step closer to a decision.


What tickmich said is true .. to really give any helpful advice, we need more info.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:53am
1)"My husband and I already argue about where we spend our money - when I am not bringing home a salary will I be giving up the fight with him?"

That all depnends on your relationship. It wasn't a problem for DH and me because we regarded our income as "our" income and not "his" income and "her" income. If you think it will be a problem, I would talk about with your DH at length, so that both of you know what the rules are going in.

2)"What happens if something happens to him - or us?"

What would happen now? Do you have life insurance on both of you? Have you set up a will and anmed guardians? These are things you need to do regardless of your work status.

3)"Will I be able to work again? "

Only you can answer that. It depends on your job. Is it one that will always be there in some capacity. Is it changing fast? Would your current employer hire you again?

4)"Are there any valid work from home connections that I might be able to bring home a little bit of spending money?"

Very few and far between.


5) My suggestions. If you are serious about this, make sure you can live on your husbands income alone. Do it for at least six months before you quit. Save all of your take home pay. Put into a savings account and forget about it. That way you can see if you can live on your DH's income alone and if you can stick to it and if you think the financial sacrifices will be worth it. Will you still be able to save any of DH's salary for retirement and college? Will you stil be able to go on an occasional vacation? Will you be so strapped for cash that any bump in the road causes problems? That is why I suggest a period of financial adjsutment before you quit - and the bonus is you will have a nest egg saved at the end.

Do you think you can adjust to being at home? For me it took the good part of a year to get into the cadence of being at home. It was an adjustment and not all roses. Are their other sahm's with similarly aged children in your neighborhood? What duties at home will you do that your DH does now? Will he expect that you will now do everything? You need to talk this over so you are both on the same page. When I started to stay at home, I picked up more (but not all) of the house cleaning, but DH still does the laundry (it's about 70/30 right now).

These are things off the top of my head.

Janet

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 9:01am
I am thinking about quitting because I am tired and always in a bad mood with everyone. My job is stressful and very demanding - by the time I get home at night I just want to relax and I can't because I have to make sure the kids (age 2 and 4) get what they need. By 6PM I have lost all patience and have very little for my kids much less my husband. I have no time for myself - I haven't been to the gym in more than 3 years. Financially we should be fine - the kids are currently in preschool at $1,400 a month, which is just about 35% of my take home pay. They wouldn't go to preschool if I quit. My husband wants me to quit -- but I'll be honest I worry that he wants me to quit so he doesn't have to do anything to help with the house and the kids - it's a struggle to get him to do much now while I am working.
Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 9:12am

Money or Spending it has never been a tug of war with us and I have sah since my oldest was born, almost 7 years ago.

 

 

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 9:30am
SAH might not be necessarily be easier. It is a lot of work taking caring of 2 chldren ages 2 and 4. Also, when would you have time to goto the gym if the kids are home 24/7? If you kept them in preschool and SAH , you would have gym time. Also, do you think the children would suffer educationally if they stopped going to preschool?

If you want to rejoin the gym, a lot of gyms nowadays have nurseries where the children will be watched. It sounds like whatever you decide, you should think about getting a babysitter ocasionally so you can go out for some "me time" .


Edited 5/25/2004 9:31 am ET ET by tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 10:41am
It sounds like something has to change. Is there anyway you can take a leave of absence? or reduce your hours? Or get DH to do his share of the household duties? If he is not pulling his weight now, it will only get worse if you are at home.

I quit my job when my boys were 2 and 4. They are now 5 and 7. Last Sept. was the first time I have been able to get more done by being at home. When you are taking care of two children ages 2 and 4, most of your time is spent taking care of those two children, there is very little left for "housework". At least it was for us. Plus, because we are in the house all day, there is more dirt and messiness to be picked up. Even though I at home DH still does some of the "housework". He is still primarily responsible for laundry. He is also the primary parent at night and some on the weekends. I end up cleaning up more after dinner so he can spend the evening with the children- that is one of the benefits to being at home. It allows the woh parent to have more time with the children too.

I had more "me" time when I was a woh, then when I was a sah with children aged 2 and 4. Now that they are older, I have more "me" time if I sah. So, if your primary reason to sah is to have more "me" time - that won't happen for a few years.

My DH has had to travel quite a bit lately - I am thankful that it was mainly after last Sept. when my youngest was in preschool four days a week. It is so much easier if the children have a place to go for part of the day when he is gone. Being with them 24/7 with no breaks can also be stressful.

We do not have any family in the area. Do you have any family you could have help out?


Janet

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 7:53pm

I can't offer advice from personal experience myself, but your post sounds *right on* to me.

Mondo