How do you punish your kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How do you punish your kids?
15
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 10:51am

Zak, being the boy he is, broke my side view mirror on my new (used)

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 11:21am

Well, you know that MY kids are perfect, so I don't ever have the need to punish them....roflmbo!!!!

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 11:22am
I try really really hard to stick with positive parenting approaches as much as possible. That means we dont *punish* per se. This works well with ds, who is a much easier and more sensitive child. It only works marginally with dd, who is the *give her an inch and she'll take a mile* type. We usually revoke privileges (tv, music, phone, friends) with dd. With ds we use timeouts, but very rarely. I also try to use natural consequences when I can.

We try a variety of techniques, whatever works, ya know? The only thing I will never do is hit my children. Dd is especially sensitive about physical punishment because her birthmom was borderline physically abusive (dd still refuses to talk about it so we dont even know the extent). Plus I think physical punishment is more about the parent losing control than truly correcting bad behavior. There are a million other, better, ways, imo.


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 11:28am

Kristi,


Think of the situation this way. . .you're not 'punishing him' you're employing logical consequences.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 11:37am
My dd5.5, my first born, is probably very typical in that she will test any boundry - and if there isn't one, she will force you into setting one because, well, hey, you said we couldn't jump ON the couch, and all I did was jump OFF the couch kinda kid. Argumentative? Slightly, but we try our best to nip that early. I just don't feel at age 5 she really gets any say in the matter if she's done wrong, moreso even if we know that she knew better. So far, I haven't assigned chores yet as punishment, because she is waaay too excited about doing chores as is. I'm sure when that changes, and chores are *chores* I'll give it a whirl. I've often had to go to extremes when she asks why we have a rule. For ds, saying, "Don't go in the road to fetch your ball" is enough. For dd, we have had to use scare tactics to the extreme. "If you run out to get that ball, and not look well enough for cars, one could not see you, hit you, and you could get very hurt or die" to get the point across. She seems to need an explanation for the rule.

My ds4 is like your second born. He wouldn't touch trouble with a ten foot pole. I'm sure I've jinxed myself there, and I'll likely be looking back on this thought when he's 9 or 15 and laughing wondering how I could possibly be so naive. Even at 4, I think if he did manage to find himself in trouble, he'd be the child I'd try that, 'name your own punishment' ordeal on. Even at night, if we hear him talking when we've already announced *Quiet* time, all we have to do is tell him we are disappointed in his behavior and his bottom lip falls out, and it's almost heart-wrenching to watch him hold back his tears.

Interesting question. I've often wondered myself if birth order makes that much of an impact on personality. Although, it could just very well be that since the younger one just picks up on consequence secondhand, unlike the first, who has to learn by trial and error!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 11:54am

It is interesting. My first is so much like yours. One morning, I told him he couldn't watch TV that night. He came home and turned on the television. I gave him the mother look and he said, "You said

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 1:17pm

With my 7YO diva, I do a removal of privledges for her, or just a strict talking too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 4:03pm

My kids are the opposite.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 6:26pm
When young time outs, now restriction. Our DD3 is our stubborn one (who just happens to be on restriction this week).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 9:46pm
I can smile NOW. Im almostfreeof3!!

Lets see....Is my first born more arguementative than my other children. Lets just say he did enough arguing for all three of them, and then some. that is being nice. he was a butthead!!!

as far as the punishment you are using,,,,i say, if it works for you, go for it. we took away nintendo, grounded them, and absolutely *nothing* worked with my dd, as she made lemonade when presented with lemons!!! she rarely did anything to be punished for. by the time ds2 was rocking and rolling, we were too tired. he knows his boundries at this point, and learned his lesson last month for forever, so right now we dont have to *ever* punish anymore. THANK GOD!!! HAVE I SAID IM TIRED, LATELY??????

go for it girl!! its your turn. here's the torch!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 9:50pm
I'm a love and logic parent. Which means I try to let Chase suffer the consequences of his actions and learn from his mistakes while he's still small and they're small mistakes. For ex. if he breaks something, he pays for it with one of his toys. The more expensive the broken item, the more favorite toy I get and the longer I keep it (he tore up a library book jacket and I had a favorite toy for over a month, despite the fact that it only cost me $.45, I wanted him to know that books are treasures, KWIM?) .

For tantrums and obnoxious behavior, I sing the uh-oh song. Now that I've been doing it for a few months, usually all I have to do is say, "Uh oh, that is so sad! Do you need some bedroom time?" And he'll instantly stop what he's doing and say, "no! no!" If I want him to come and he isn't listening, I count to three (slowly) and if I hit three and he's still in la la land--it's bedroom time (which is essentially a time out).

I don't really think of it as punishment, I think of it as discipline. To me, punishment is punitive, discipline is a lesson.

JMHO--C

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