I am not your wife, your sister, your daughter. I am a person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
I am not your wife, your sister, your daughter. I am a person.
7
Mon, 03-18-2013 - 9:54pm

Powerful rant about the Stubenville rape.

Quote:
What I do want to tell you is that you need to stop using the “wives, sisters, daughters” argument when you are talking to people defending the Steubenville rapists. Or any rapists. Or anyone who commits any kind of crime, violent or otherwise, against a woman.

In case you’re unfamiliar with this line of rhetoric, it’s the one that goes like this:

You should stop defending the rapists and start caring about the victim. Imagine if she was your sister, or your daughter, or your wife. Imagine how badly you would feel if this happened to a woman that you cared about.

Framing the issue this way for rape apologists can seem useful. I totally get that. It feels like you’re humanizing the victim and making the event more relatable, more sympathetic to the person you’re arguing with.

You know what, though? Saying these things is not helpful; in fact, it’s not even helping to humanize the victim. What you are actually doing is perpetuating rape culture by advancing the idea that a woman is only valuable in so much as she is loved or valued by a man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009

I agree.

It is along the same lines as one of my pet peeves.  When females are victims of crimes the headline will often  be "A mother" or A grandmother".  like the fact that they were a mother or grandmother makes the story more important.  No, the fact that they were a person is important enough.

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
And that Jodi Arias trial draws just as much attention, Yes, Do remember the victims!

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2011
I have read a few blogs on this aswell. I agree, "the girl" has value as a human being, not in her belonging to someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000

I have at various times in my life been a daughter, a wife, a mother, a grandmother maybe even a great grandmother), and eventually, a widow (assuming my dh dies first).  I have always and will always be a person first, second, last.

Chris.

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010

sewchris703 wrote:
<p>I have at various times in my life been a daughter, a wife, a mother, a grandmother maybe even a great grandmother), and eventually, a widow (assuming my dh dies first).  I have always and will always be a person first, second, last.</p><p>Chris.</p>

This.

 

 

One of my problems with the portrayal of victims wives, mothers, etc - or even male victims as similar - is that it indicates that if a homeless, penniless, childless, family-less person were the victim that the crime would somehow be less meaningful or shouldn't be punished as harshly. We all, no matter the gender, no matter the situation, are equal once we become victims of a crime.

 

That said, I have some issues with the term "hate crime" as well.     .... does it really matter?    If a man is murdered and is just a random target, he's still dead.   If a man is murdered because he's gay, he's still dead.  Is the random man any less a victim than the gay one? No.

That said, some actions that are hate-motivated either weren't against the law before hate crimes, or weren't prosecuted. so I get the idea behind it, but I have troubles reconciling it in my head.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2011

The personalization here also makes it seem as though rape is okay so long as it happens to someone else. It's only "bad" when you can imagine that it happened to someone that you actually know and love. Apparently we don't care about each other in society without having to make someone a different relative to appreciate horrible circumstances. 

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Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001

rhpearson1 wrote:
<p>The personalization here also makes it seem as though rape is okay so long as it happens to someone else. It's only "bad" when you can imagine that it happened to someone that you actually know and love. Apparently we don't care about each other in society without having to make someone a different relative to appreciate horrible circumstances. </p>

Do you know anybody that's been raped or violated in any way?  I do and there's a case most recently that a friend of mine and her DD have had to face that I can't even begin to place myself in, It's sad and I can only offer my support..   I find it crazy that some only make noise when news become sensational ones like this one, And I wonder if the families behind the Steubenville case really wanted as much publicity as this got.