I could use some experienced moms help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
I could use some experienced moms help!
91
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 10:49pm

Okay I need help, bad.


Savannah is 2, she will be 3 in November.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 1:23pm

So for the physical things I should not give a warning?


I like the idea of increasing the time on time-out with her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 1:24pm
How can I teach her to regain control?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 1:25pm

I also never did timed time outs.

For me the purpose of the time out was not really punishment but to make them realize they had done something wrong so the length of time really did not matter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 1:26pm

When she does good things I give her TONS of praise.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 1:40pm
No, you should definitely tell her, especially at her age.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 1:57pm
Do you show her how to play nicer with the babies? I wouldn't correct her when she hits or throws them, but I would model nicer behavior, then notice when she copies you. Whatever she gets attention for, she'll do more of. Whatever she gets no attention for, she'll do less of.

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."

John W. Gardner



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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 1:58pm

Erica hated not being in control. So she would go to her room, slam the door loudly (I never said anything about it for those times; it was a stress reliever for her), and either throw toys, punch her stuffed animals or pillow, or kick the wall or furniture (she was barefooted). When she was done and calm down, she could rejoin the rest of the family. Usually she would fall asleep and we wouldn't hear from her for 30-90 minutes.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 2:01pm
You say something along the lines of this: "You did x and now you're in time out. When you can control yourself you can come out." After the time out, she says sorry if needed. You explain why she was in time out and what she could have done instead. explanations and discussion are after she regain control. Otherwise she can't hear you.
Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 2:14pm

I don't know. I can tell you what worked for Erica. In the beginning (up age 2-3), she was set on the couch, given her blankie, and told to suck her thumb. I would tell her to take a deep breath. And would model what I meant. When I saw that she was calmed down, then I would talk to her about what she could do next time.

As she got older, I told her to take a deep breath and calm down and tell me what was wrong. I used the same techniques for temper tantrums, out right disobedience and unacceptable behavior toward others. For any behavior that could or did include violence toward others, she was sent to her room. When she had let out the violence in an acceptable manner (i.e. throwing stuffed animals, hitting her pillow, slamming the bedroom door), and was able to listen to me and tell her side of the story, she could come down and we would talk. If she started to heat up again, I reminded her to take a deep breath and start over again calmly. If she couldn't do that, she went up stairs until she could. I also had to remain calm and talk softly and not raise my voice. Not easy to remain calm in front of a confrontational child. But she had to see me being in control so she could regain control.

This all took years. Certainly not days or weeks. By elementary school age, she started withdrawing from the situation before she got out of hand. It was all a matter of trial and error; finding out what worked and doing that every time.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 2:36pm

Here's an example of a redirection:

DD (4) was hot and tired when we were riding the tram back to the hotel from the pier in Ocean City. Before it got too out of hand (kicking, screaming, etc.), I asked her if she wanted to hear a story. Then we took turns telling the Three Little Bears and Little Red Riding Hood. It worked pretty well.

DH is much better at this than I am. The goal is to find something the kid likes that distracts them from whatever their current complaint/misbehavior is *before* it escalates to the tantrum stage.

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