I could use some experienced moms help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
I could use some experienced moms help!
91
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 10:49pm

Okay I need help, bad.


Savannah is 2, she will be 3 in November.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 2:41pm
I agree no warnings for hitting or kicking, anything in which she is hurting someone.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:15pm

Here's another example. Parker and Matilda kept wanting to dump out the dog's water all over the floor. The 2nd time that Erica and I took the bowl away from them, we filled up dish pans and let them dump water out on the patio. When Lindsay started objecting to them dumping out her water, we turned on the sprinkler, stripped them down and let them play in the water. The dish pans were set under the sprinkler so that they would fill up with water for them to dump and Erica and I didn't have to keep doing it. We got to sit in the shade and watch. Kept them occupied for the 90 minutes it took for Joy to return.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:19pm

Instead of praise, I went for acknowledgment of the acceptable behavior. I didn't praise for what was expected. They did get praise for those times when they were really trying to be good under trying circumstances (for their age and ability).

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 4:15pm

If she is verbal enough, I think she is old enough to understand that when you hurt someone or try to hurt someone, you need to stop NOW! You cannot hurt someone one time for free. You might call it something different from time out if you think it will confuse her not to get a warning, but when my most spirited one would get physical, I would tell him, "you cannot be around people if you are going to hurt people; you need to sit down here until you are ready to be with the rest of us without hurting anyone" or something like that.

And I do think you need to tell them why they are being removed or on time out, as succinctly as possible, "You hit Mama; hitting hurts; you must stay here until I am sure you are ready to stop hitting." And that's when you start the ignore thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 5:17pm

My 3-year-old was exactly the same way when I was pregnant with my third. Well, except for two things--he would not sit in time out and he fought bedtime. But the rest of it, hitting, kicking, not listening to anything...all sounds just like him.

I can't give you any advice with confidence. It has just started to get significantly better, and I'm not sure we can actually credit any of our choices with that. Thanks to advice from some lovely ladies I know, we learned to give him more notice of the daily schedule/what we expected of him. We told him we were confident he could do whatever it was we were asking (show good manners, clean up his toys). We gave him lots of praise. Warnings before transitions (dinner is going to be in ten minutes....you have to start putting toys away in five). Giving him tasks we knew he liked (sweeping). I think that it was hard on him to see his older brother learning to do everything first, so we tried to give him ways to stand out or acknowledge unique strength of his. We each tried to spend more one-on-one time. We made sure to speak very quietly, and to avoid reacting with any emotion to bad behavior (no anger, no frustration, etc.). Instead we would give him a warning if it was a new behavior. If it was something he had been disciplined for a dozen times, then we either put him in time out, set the timer and walked away, or we took his favorite toy away, whichever was the punishment we had agreed on for that behavior. (by the way, we actually had to go out and buy him a new toy for him to have a favorite toy, because he did not care about anything else).

We would also bribe. For example, if we wanted him to cooperate with bathtime/bedtime, we would set the timer and say if he was done by the time it went off, he would get an extra story, but if he was not done by then, we would only have time for one. we tried to anticipate and head off some issues. we would also present some commands as challenges (who can fill one of the baskets with cars or who can get in their car seat quickly). I have no idea which idea came from which person and I have no idea which, if any, actually had an effect. It may just have been time, and increased ability to express himself with words. But the baby is now 6 months old, the behavior started sometime during the pregnancy and has really subsided recently (knock on wood). He is much more affectionate, eager to please, and more likely to do good things for attention instead of bad things. He still has no attention span, and can be very impulsive with regard to some things, but the defiance is gone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 5:32pm
When we play babies I do play nice with them.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 5:33pm
I usually explain before and after, but it makes sense to only explain after when she is in control of her emotions.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 5:36pm

I usually do this when I know they are tired or hungry, and I know they are going to throw a fit.


But what about when it comes from no where?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 5:38pm
She is certainly verbal enough!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 5:39pm
I like your ideas, and honestly at this point I am willing to try anything!
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