I have a moral dilemma... HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
I have a moral dilemma... HELP!
14
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 1:08pm
Since my husband's accident, I have been bombarded with support from friends, family and colleagues. Cards, flowers, casseroles and all kinds of food keeps pouring in. I am very appreciative, but...

the school (my son attends K) took up a collection, as did our office. There has been a bank account set up for donations to my family and my understanding is that there is in excess of $8000 raised. It is absolutely heart warming to know how caring and giving people are, but we don't need the money! In addition to the insurance money that will be coming, dh's salary is still automatically deposited into his bank account. He receives full pay for 3 months then it will be reduced to 70%, but he'll receive benefits from WCB to bring it back to 100% salary. The fact is that we don't NEED his income either. We live a fairly modest lifestyle and nobody really knows our financial situation. They assume that our sole source of income is dh's salary.

WWYD? I am really at a loss how to deal with this! I don't want to appear rude or unappreciative. I don't know if giving the money to charity is appropriate... please help!! I need help and fast!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 1:11pm

I think giving it to charity would be appropriate, especially a charity that deals with people in situations like your husband's.


I would however, hold onto it for a while. You anticipate full medical coverage adn disability pay etc, etc .. but I'd hold off a bit to make sure things fall into place like they should. You'd hate to give it away and then have some insurance company run your ass through a wringer and be stuck with $100K of medical bills ...

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 1:23pm
I agree with Hollie. And it's wonderful that you have such great friends!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 1:29pm

People want to help and some feel money is the best way. We ran into the same problem with Devin. We were able to hang on financially until his disability went to half pay. The church set up a fund for us which I tried to use sparelying (is that a word?) There was money left over and the church put it in college funds for the kids.


Let people do it. Accept it graciously and go on. I was humilated that people gave us money until a dear friend told me that people wanted to help and I needed to let them. Put it in a college fund for the kids or a trust if you don't

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 1:44pm
How about sending it to me....LOL.
Tonya
Tonya
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 1:47pm
I agree with both Hollie and Kristi. And you are so blessed to have so many people who care so much about you. You find out just how much good is in the world when something bad happens and people want to help.

You're in my prayers. Always.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 1:51pm
I would accept the money graciously and warmly.......sit on it for awhile.......then determine what charity/church organization may be able to use it for their betterment. If anyone dares ask in the future "what did you do with the gift money" I'd simply say "it was put to good use" Tons of worthwhile children's organizations out there could benefit, either locally or nationally.

It warms my heart to hear that you were so blessed during your time of need!

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 3:02pm
The problem I have with accepting this is ... well there are many.

First of all, we have full medical coverage - Canada has a national health care program. Our provincial coverage covers everything. Through work, he has extended coverage. Because the accident occurred while he was working - well, suffice it to say we will not need to pay for anything. Worse though is that some of the people who are contributing to this fund are in need themselves. Isn't that just the way it goes? Dh's income has been gravy for us for the past 4 years. The kids college funds are fully funded. Even if I sit on it, we will not need to use it.

I got a suggestion from the bank manager - I called him and told him my concern. He stated that the bank can advise anyone depositing to the fund that the proceeds will be going to the hospital (or any charitable organization, but I was thinking of brain injury research)at the request of the family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 3:13pm
LOL, this is one suggestion I have received from a couple of people IRL. I realize it may not sound like much of a *problem*, but it is really hard to be gracious and take something from people who need it more than you do! It is equally difficult to refuse a gift when people clearly want to do something to help. I'd like to get the word out that the casseroles and baking is great! That has been such a great help - I have not had to cook a single meal since the accident. The desserts and baked goodies we've been receiving have been a huge *comfort*.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 3:14pm
I can't begin to tell you how blessed I feel. It is amazing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 3:30pm
I understand the need and desire of people have to help. Money is a very tangible way to do that. If I needed the money, or if I could foresee needing it in the future, I could accept it with no problem, but we truly don't need it.

I have thought about all the things you mention wrt to when keith comes home. It is a scary prospect. It is just very hard for me to graciously accept this money! OTOH, I don't want to appear snooty either. We have done very well financially and we could comfortably retire if we wanted to. Nobody knows that. Even my immediate family is not aware of how *comfortable* we are. Well, some of them do now, but I have never discussed our personal finances with anyone before. I'd feel bad giving the money to someone else knowing that people donated it with a specific purpose in mind.

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