I need advice....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
I need advice....
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 12:05pm
A friend told me about this board and I thought maybe you ladies can give me a little input.

I am a mother of 3 small children. I am also a realtor. I currently work from a home office so that I can be with my children. However, this setup is creating a lot of problems in my business--mainly that I can't get enough work done at home. I know it seems like the solution should be simple, but I don't want to quit. I love my career. When I'm not working at all I find that I'm not as good at being a mom. I become stir-crazy and yearn for adult conversations.

Now I have received a job offer from another agent which would involve a combination of working from home and at an office (about 20 @home and 20 @office). It seems to good to be true and my husband thinks it's a great idea. His mom always WOH and he says he was fine with it. My mother on the other hand (who is my best friend-next to my dh), thinks I should SAH and wait for a career until after my kids leave home (which is what she is doing). There's a lot of pressure from her. I don't know what to do. I feel like a terrible mom when I'm always gone, but I feel even worse when I'm always home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 12:17pm
Hiring a nanny might be a great solution for you. You can have someone in your own home with your kids, so that when you are there, they are as well. but when you have to make a call or get a call or have some paperwork or whatever, there is someone else there to take responsibility. Plus, there isn't so much upheaval in getting them up in the AM and off to the daycare and picking them up when you are finished working, etc.

I think this is something you have to completely keep your mothers input out of. I have the same thing from my dad, only the other way. He doesn't understand why I don't just "get a job". You have to get rid of that influence to make a decision that is truly what you want.

If you think this job is the best thing for your family, go for it. However, if you think that continuing to work from home better suites your family, then stay there. However, if you decide to stay home, i would seriously suggest hiring a nanny to help you out during the day so you CAN get your work done.

Good luck!

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 1:12pm
Thanks for the input. You're probably right about my mom. I got the "when are you going to get a job" from a lot of people when I was SAH. I agree daycare is something that I really want to stay away from (we get sick enough). If I take this job, they would be taken care of by my little brother for the summer; and in the fall, the oldest will finally start school, the middle will be with a friend and the youngest will come with me (she's still nursing).

I'm really worried about how my kids will deal with it. I will be gone for 4-5 hours a day. Am I overreacting? Do you or anyone else have experience with WOH after SAH?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 2:48pm
BTDT. I SAH with each child the first two years. Everyone survived my return to work just fine. I was most concerned this last time around because not only did my youngest get used to me being home but so did my oldest. I was worried about spending enough time with them and managing to get everything done. Things have went so smoothly. My dh is a dream, not the kinda guy who thinks women should take care of everything. We have all pulled together as a family to make this work. DD (oldest) is happy that we can afford more things than before (vacations and such).

I would tell your mom that if she is so worried about the kids, she could watch them for 20 hours a week.

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 3:54pm
I have WAH for five years now. You def. need help -- you cannot work at home AND take care of three children. I used outside care 20 hours a week until my son was ready for preschool. You need a regular dependable caregiver, so a nanny might be right for you. Do explore all options, however.

Also consider going PT until your youngest is a little older -- 10 hours at home and 10 hours at the office. That might make everything easier to manage.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 9:36am
I'm sure your mother loves you very much and only wants what she thinks is best for your family, but I disagree with her. Although I would love to be an at home mom and have started to reduce my schedule to accomplish that, it is not for everyone. It sounds as if you are passionate about your work and you have your husband's support. Don't stay at home out of guilt or pressure. Accepting this opportunity will make you and your husband satisfied, and this will trickle down to the children. Think about it, happy parents make happy children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 11:49am
I totally agree with the pervious poster. In order to be a good parent, you have to feel good about yourself. If you are stir crazy when staying home all of the time, then DON'T! You evidently have the ability to have family take care of your children when you are not there, so that is a great plus, but even if you had to use a day care situation, keeping your sanity is far more important than a few colds (they will be getting them once they get to be school age, anyway). I was committed to being a SAHM until my kids were both in school, but the unexpected happneed, someone called me up and asked me to coms to work for them (a really good job, not just a low-paying one). I would have been insane to look this type of a gift horse in the mouth, as this was during the 'recession' of the 80's. I was fortunate that I found good day care for my pre-school daughter, and off I went. Summers were hard, because I had to get them up adn off to day care early so I could be back home by noon or so. But we all adjusted (except perhaps my husband who STILL thinks I can do everything I was doing before I went to work 17 years ago!). I am one fo thse women who would have been just as happy staying home with my kids, but I also know that society as a whole looks down on "only mothers". And my daughter is one who needs to be out in the world; maternity leave nearly drives her nuts,so the best thing for her is to work. And my part-time status allows me to do the child care for her.