I need to vent...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
I need to vent...
15
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 12:04pm
We live next door to my sister. She has three DDs, Freshman at College, Jr in HS and 8th grade. The girls have been babysitting for us since we've lived there pretty much. But, recently, we get this feeling that they don't want to anymore. But of course, they won't come out and say it. We just here these snide remarks from my sister and get the impression we are "imposing" on them. (Of course we pay them generously, but I guess that is beside the point.)

My sister is the queen of holding grudges. Most likely I've said something to tick her off or offend her. But instead of confronting me or talking to me, she will just say things under her breath, make snide remarks to DH, etc. I really would just like to say, "Hey if you have some issue with us right now, tell me and lets get it out in the open."

DH says he would rather not do that because it might make things worse and we still have to live next to them.

I'm just so tired of feeling like I have to tip toe around her and constantly have to seek her approval. She is a lot older than me and I've always felt like I never measured up in her eyes. As an adult, I tell myself, I don't care what she thinks, but sometimes the condescention is just too hard to take.

Maybe we'll just move...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
In reply to: mappers
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 12:18pm

I hate that passive agressive stuff....grrrrr!


What I would do is get another babysitter and limit your contact temporarily. If it creates that much tension its not worth it! I only let people babysit my kids who really WANT to, kwim? God forbid they take their resentment out on my kids...even if its in

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mappers
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 12:27pm

I swear families are made to drive you insane. My mother and I had this long circular talk last Saturday about my self-destructiveness, my inability to get off anti-depressants and God knows whatelse. It just went around and around.


The end of the talk:


Me: "So, you think I that I need intensive therapy, Zak should not be on Prozac and I am self-destructive."


Her: "Well, if that is what you got out of it."


Me: "If I could get away with it, I would choke you."


I hate passive-aggressive family members. Hate it. Ignore her and get new babysitters. I am being terribly blunt but don't waste your time on trying to get her unmoody. It is not your problem but her's.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
In reply to: mappers
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 2:25pm
You made me LOL!! Thanks.

Actually I blew it out of proportion. And things are better now.

We asked my niece this morning if she wanted to sit tomorrow (we drive her to school.) We have play tickets. They were for last Sunday, but DH forgot to get a sitter. We asked DN on Sunday if she wanted to sit and she said, "No." We decided to move the tickets to this weekend anyway. In the meantime, my sister made some comment to DH about babysitting not being DN favorite thing to do. So now we are thinking, does that mean she doesn't want to sit ever or just last week or what?

So when I asked DN this morning about tomorrow, her answer was Wishy Washy (pretty typical of her.) "Well, I think so, but I have to see what time play practice is."

No I'm thinking, does DN have a schedule at home and just doesn't know off the top of her head? Does she have to wait until practice today to find out about tomorrow? What I really want to know is should we have a backup plan. If she won't know till tomorrow, we should work on a backup plan now. If she'll know this afternoon, then we could wait.

I asked DH to call my sister to ask. He doesn't want to. He is uneasy, thinks sister is mad at us, etc. Long story short, I convinced him to call and things are fine.

Sigh, so much for my hair trigger emotions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: mappers
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 3:21pm
Oh I can't help but tell you how I have been in the same boat. We have these two neighbor girls, sisters, who we used to use for babysitting all the time. They are also very close family friends now. I employed them back when they couldn't work anywhere else, they were so young and inexperienced. But as they got older, they started to hedge on dates and made it real difficult to find out if they were ever available. It drove me nuts! I would call in advance and they would make me wait five days for an answer, and half the time the answer would be no. One of the sisters eventually reniged on being my nanny for a vacation I was planning. It was horrible how she blamed her mom ("My mom doesn't think I should do it,") and left me without childcare about a week before I was to go away. After I offered about five different babysitting jobs in the fall and was rejected each time, I ended up taking about a five month break from them and finding all new sitters. My dh just recently called and asked if one of them wanted to babysit and she JUMPED at the chance. She really missed my kids (which cracks me up, she knows where we live, it is across the street!) and had a ball watching them. She also asked me if she can have her old summer babysitting gig again this year which was surprising.

So my advice is to make sure you have other babysitting options. If you don't like the wishy washy thing, make up a rule for yourself that you will call and give the girls one chance to agree to babysit. If they can't commit when you call, you can just say, "Well, I have others I can ask." They'll figure it out that if they really want to babysit, they have to stop jerking you around, give you a prompt answer. It is so not worth it to try to get into their heads at this point. When you have other options, you are not waiting on pins and needles for them to agree and you are not as emotionally invested. It is also good not to buy into all that passive aggressive stuff because these girls are in for a rude awakening in the real world where not everyone they work for is nice and related to them. My neighbor babysitter almost had a cow when I chewed her out for leaving me without child care for the vacation. She never expected that a family friend would criticize her immature and irresponsible behaviour.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mappers
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 11:50am
What is this big rush of the general public to get us all *off* of our anti-depressants??? personally, there exists a chemical imbalance(read, medical problem) therefore, if i stop the meds, the chemical imbalance resumes resulting in depression. Why because its an issue in the brain should we stive to not treat it? do diabetics try to wean themselves off of insulin? should i wear my glasses less and less each day, til i can see again? WHAT IS UP WITH OUR SOCIETY??? ugggghhhhhh, can you tell this is one of my pet peeves??? i told my mil she needed prozac, and her response was, "im not putting that junk in my body". so when she went on cumidin for her rapid heart beat, i told dh, "i wouldnt put that junk in my body". same thing. uuuugggggggggghhhhhhhh!

k, i feel better now....:-).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mappers
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 12:08pm
My mom doesnt even know I have taken antidepressents. She is so totally against them and wont even listen to a reasonable argument about it. I dont take them regularly, but I have a low dosage of prozac (10mg) on hand for right before my period (some days I need them, some days I dont). But thats one of those *mom doesnt need to know* things for me!

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
In reply to: mappers
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 10:02pm
My mom calls them my "nerve" pills. I'm like, "I'm not nervous, MOM, I'm f*cking depressed. It's not nerves that make me CRAZY, it's a chemical imbalance." Hello? Drives me nuts! Hmmmm, perhaps I need to up my dosage. ROTFLMAO...

And DH just doesn't get why I need them at all, probably b/c of what they've done to my sex drive... I'm like, "Do you want a happy wife or do you want a rabbit?"

Aye yi yi--

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 7:43am
Funny you should bring up anti-depressants. I've been taking an SRI since after DD #2 was born. I go to my Dr. about once every 4 months and he says, "How is it going?" I say OK, and he writes the Rx for another 4 months.

This time, after some conversation with others, I had done some research on other types of Anti-depressants, especially Wellbutrin. I have been feeling for a while that I lack motiviation. Not depressed, just don't want to do anything. I'd heard Wellbutrin makes you more energetic.

So I mention this to the Dr. and he is all over it. He can't write the Rx fast enough. I'm on both for now. I'm going back in about 6 weeks to see if I should continue on both or wean off one.

Why I tell this story, is because it bugs me on how quickly he wrote the Rx. Is he just a pill pusher? I don't know, it just bugged me a bit that he didn't discuss it more. I wonder if I was showing signs of bi-polar or scizophrenia how'd he be.

So I have two questions....What are your Drs like?

Is anyone else on Wellbutrin?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 10:52am
you do not have to live with a low/no sex drive. there are combos to take in addition to the anti-depressants, and counter the lack of sex drive. it affected me that way when i first went on them, but over a few months things were back to normal. ask your doctor, as this is a very common thing and easy to remedy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mappers
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 10:58am
I took wellbutrin in addition to the prozac for awhile, but it didnt really make a difference. my doctor writes the prescriptions just as quickly i think because she can understand what i am feeling, and my concerns, and knows it helps. i have no trouble getting my prozac at all. i go once a year for that, but am seeing her for my weight at this point every other month. i take adipex to curb my appetite, and boost my metablolism. they are going to get stingy with that one though, because to many people are using it for maintenance, so she suggested i take it every other day, and it is just fine that way. i do know, my ped told me 75% of human population has some form of chemical imbalance, and i think they feel if it works, why not take it. that is exactly how i feel. it is helping me tremendously, so i keep taking it, as i still remember how overwhelmed i felt all the time before i started taking it. it is truly a life saver for me.

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