If you could compare them, whose kids...

Avatar for cmpat
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
If you could compare them, whose kids...
43
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 10:03am

If you could compare them, whose kids do you feel are better off (academically):



  • kids of stay-at-home moms
  • kids of working moms
  • no difference


You will be able to change your vote.


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Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 10:52am

I came to the realization late in parenthood that "because I said so" is a very fine reason for any child to shut up and get with the program. If I wanted to argue my case all day long, I would go to law school and get paid big bucks to do it. Since I am not getting paid, "because I said so" will have to do.

In case it is not obvious, I am being a bit facetious, but only a bit. On various issues over the years, I made a deal with dd that I would not pull the "because I said so" for no good reason or wantonly, but that if I did, it meant my word was final and that I was not interested in conducting a court case over the matter. It worked out fine and she does seem terribly damaged.


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Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.
– George Orwell
Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 10:53am
ROFL, well, yes, there is that too.

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Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.
– George Orwell
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Registered: 06-16-2010
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 10:59am

I'm not usually one for pointing out errors,

Kevali


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Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 11:01am
Bwa! Yes, I did mean to put a "not" in there. Thanks, my typing has been worse than usual lately.

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Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.
– George Orwell
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 11:25am

Here, it's understood that "because I said so" usually means that I can't explain why at the moment but there is a perfectly good reason behind the "because I said so". And when I can, I'll get back to them. There are times when I know whatever they want/ask isn't a good idea, I just can't articulate why at that time. I use "I'll think about it" when I need more time to decide. But if they keep asking (i.e. nagging as defined by me; asking once more after a reasonable amount of time because I've gotten distracted and forgot is ok), I just end up saying no.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

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Registered: 08-29-2002
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 12:23pm

"On various issues over the years, I made a deal with dd that I would not pull the "because I said so" for no good reason or wantonly, but that if I did, it meant my word was final and that I was not interested in conducting a court case over the matter. "

I am in awe. In all my years of parenting, I have never managed to get either kids to accept an "because I said so" in any way, shape or form on any topic. EVERYTHING turns into a court case :-/. What is your secret?! Or maybe your daughter is a fundamentally more sensible kid ;-).

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 12:31pm
I told her that I was sick of the court case atmosphere and that I needed to have an out to keep my sanity. Besides, I told her, I may have a good reason, but not be in the mood to lay it out in detail and in terms suitable for a Xyo. I did use it sparingly though.

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Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.
– George Orwell
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 12:38pm

I like that approach. I think I'll give it a shot. I've tried to explain to the kids that the more I have to explain, explain, explain on every single decision, the less energy I will have to really discuss things with them when they are looking to get me to compromise or change my mind on something. I have only a limited amount of energy. If they use up that energy demanding endless explanations on everything, I'm not going to have the energy to discuss things they really care about...in other words, "is this the hill you want to die on?".

To some extent, it's gotten better, but some days I'm absolutely exhausted by the endless discussions...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 12:42pm

My kids are pretty dumb and they went to daycare, so I guess that study is just about right.

Seriously, does anyone ever get on the internet and admit their kids are below average in any way? Sheesh....

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 12:44pm
Can't hurt to give it a try. I did pre-specify the issues on which this might come into play, but it did help a little. I completely hear you that it can get mind-numbingly exhausting.

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Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.
– George Orwell