Moms who know better than you

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
Moms who know better than you
1270
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 8:02am

Kind of joking there.  But the other day I met a mom who was certain she knew which area schools were the best.  I told her my children are happily in public school, but upon entering middle school and/or upon entering 8th grade, if any of mine wants, then we'll take a tour of all of the schools in the area ~ private, several Catholic.  Not a Catholic, lol, she told me unequivocally that, yes, I needed to take my children on a tour of the local Catholic schools NOW because they are the best schools in the area.  Because of course her kids went there.   Her children graduated from high school long ago, but I never quite got my answer on what they were all doing now.  Wink

Anyway, the "conversation" (monologue?) continued until my friend saw me cornered.  Has this kind of thing happened to you ~ older mom telling you how to do it better?  How do you handle moms with children older than yours who are a little too liberal and pushy with their advices?  ....Have you ever been that mom?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 8:26am

Goes way back.  DD2 would scream when I tried to leave her in the nursery at church so I took her to Sunday School class with me. Got a long lecture about how if I did not cut that string then she would never learn independence, would not be able to go to kindergarden etc.   The funny  thing is DD2 was always very social and independent,  she was just going through a normal stanger axiety age appriate stage.  It lasted for c couple of months and then she was her normal social self.  I handled it by ignoring it. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 8:33am

"Wow, thanks for the input! I wish I could tell you how much I appreciate it! I really have to go now! I think my period just started!" Have I ever been that Mom? Course not! I never talk to anyone in real life, remember? ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 8:45am

Know it all moms? Absolutely. I can't think of a recent incident b/c I now stay as far away as possible from these moms, Lol. But I had a friend tell me/warn me about what I needed to do for my kids and their upbringing. And she knows b/c her kids are older than mine! It used to be so intimidating and condescending, I remember being in tears by the time DH came home from work and he'd jokingly say something like, You must have been talking to S again today... You learn and grow from people like this whose virtues are different than your own and for me anyway it came to a point where I've just started smiling, nodding my head in agreement to her gestures b/c the game isn't worth the pursuit.

There are some debates that remind me of this actually but that's beside the point, I know what you mean thardy.

ETA friend's two oldest are in college now, Her younger two are about my oldest two's ages.  To this day I'm not sure what it is about her life or her parenting I should aspire to, Maybe it's rocket science and I'm the lost cause. 

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 12:18pm

I've really only seen it here on this board.  Most people I know irl are supportive of my decisions regarding my kids, they don't mock, belittle and twist them into something that is mean, only here and only by a few.   I guess I'm lucky irl.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2013
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 12:33pm

Either people lie if they say they have never experienced this or they don't socialize very much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 12:42pm

mortyswife wrote:
<p>Either people lie if they say they have never experienced this or they don't socialize very much.</p>

Wow, 15 minutes after I posted.  Wink     I don't think anyone said they have never experienced this, so I think it's all good.

I'm sorry I couldn't converse with you last night, I was out socializing.  Smile

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 2:53pm

There are pushy controlling people in every neighborhood. Usually, I just nod and smile, but every once in a while I push back.

When we pulled our kids our of their very highly regarded public school and sent them to a lesser known Christian school, people thought we were nuts. Some actually said so. One of DH's former colleagues told me that we were "really missing out" by not sending our kids to the high school in our new town (we moved to be closer to their private school). She went on and on about how it was "number one in the state" (Funny, their old school was also number one. I guess there are a lot of number ones here.) and why would we settle for less than that for our children? I got a little annoyed and replied that their old school was also highly regarded, but that it hadn't been good enough for my kids because it did not meet their social, academic or spiritual needs. That shut her up. Sometimes you have to push back with a little snobbery of your own.

 

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 2:58pm
Ashmama, I can sort of relate. We went through quite a bit of hell from the extended family, when dd decided to go to public HS instead of going to *the* private school where all the cousins and uncles had gone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2013
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 3:10pm

thardy2001 wrote:
<p>Kind of joking there.  But the other day I met a mom who was certain she knew which area schools were the best.  I told her my children are happily in public school, but upon entering middle school and/or upon entering 8th grade, if any of mine wants, then we'll take a tour of all of the schools in the area ~ private, several Catholic.<em>  Not a Catholic, lol,</em> she told me unequivocally that, yes, I needed to take my children on a tour of the local Catholic schools NOW because they are the best schools in the area.  Because of course her kids went there.   Her children graduated from high school long ago, but I never quite got my answer on what they were all doing now.  <img src="/forums/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif" alt="Wink" title="Wink" border="0" /></p><p>Anyway, the "conversation" (monologue?) continued until my friend saw me cornered.  Has this kind of thing happened to you ~ older mom telling you how to do it better?  How do you handle moms with children older than yours who are a little too liberal and pushy with their advices?  ....Have you ever been that mom?</p>

I really find it to be far more common from behind the computer screen. But I have no problem ignoring it...

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 3:54pm
PKA said what I was thinking.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

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