Moms who know better than you

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
Moms who know better than you
1270
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 8:02am

Kind of joking there.  But the other day I met a mom who was certain she knew which area schools were the best.  I told her my children are happily in public school, but upon entering middle school and/or upon entering 8th grade, if any of mine wants, then we'll take a tour of all of the schools in the area ~ private, several Catholic.  Not a Catholic, lol, she told me unequivocally that, yes, I needed to take my children on a tour of the local Catholic schools NOW because they are the best schools in the area.  Because of course her kids went there.   Her children graduated from high school long ago, but I never quite got my answer on what they were all doing now.  Wink

Anyway, the "conversation" (monologue?) continued until my friend saw me cornered.  Has this kind of thing happened to you ~ older mom telling you how to do it better?  How do you handle moms with children older than yours who are a little too liberal and pushy with their advices?  ....Have you ever been that mom?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 10-22-2013 - 4:00pm

mortyswifelee wrote:
<p style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">Ok, let me walk you through this  - SLOWLY.</p><p style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">If you have only ever had one person in your life that you didn't get along with, then how you can you have had "experiences" with the type of "people" that are not nice?</p><p style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"><strong>Do you think that because I only have had a problem with ONE person, I did not know others who did the same thing to other people? I just never had a problem with them. Different relationships with them. </strong></p><p style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"><strong>(and yes, most of these people ran in the same circle)</strong></p>

So basically the same thing I said...you are generally surrounded by nice people, to which you then called me naive and not social.  How and why can you be generally surrounded by nice people and also not be naive and non social?  

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thu, 10-24-2013 - 7:27pm

savcal2011 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">mortyswifelee</em> wrote:</div>Please explain as I have stated that I was not told for FIVE years that certain people DID like me and had NO problem with me. &lt;/span&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>Ok, let me walk you through this  - SLOWLY.</p><p>If you have only ever had one person in your life that you didn't get along with, then how you can you have had "experiences" with the type of "people" that are not nice?</p>

Perhaps her experience for five years was enough to know not to get caught up in that again. 

 

 

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thu, 10-24-2013 - 7:54pm

That's a good point morty, and there really are all kinds of people out there.  I can't imagine being so naieve as to think that my nice self only attracts nice people in return.  I've been shaken to the core by a few mean people in my life and those experiences are as much opportunities to learn from as having like minded friends.

 

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 10-25-2013 - 9:43am

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>That's a good point morty, and there really are all kinds of people out there.  I can't imagine being so naieve as to think that my nice self only attracts nice people in return.  I've been shaken to the core by quite a few mean people in my life and those experiences are as much opportunities to learn from as having like minded friends. </p><p> </p><p> </p>

I'm pretty sure that only noone said  "nice self only attracts nice people in return", but give it a try sometime Jam's, you never know. I am curious though, why do you consider nice people = like minded friends?  Nice people are quite diverse, again...check it out sometime.  Good luck!

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2013
Fri, 10-25-2013 - 1:35pm
jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>That's a good point morty, and there really are all kinds of people out there.  I can't imagine being so naieve as to think that my nice self only attracts nice people in return.  I've been shaken to the core by quite a few mean people in my life and those experiences are as much opportunities to learn from as having like minded friends. </p><p> </p><p> </p>

I'm pretty sure that only noone said  "nice self only attracts nice people in return", but give it a try sometime Jam's, you never know. I am curious though, why do you consider nice people = like minded friends?  Nice people are quite diverse, again...check it out sometime.  Good luck!

Check out your responses below. You think because you are nice, you get nice in return. THAT is where your naivety lies. That does NOT always hold true.

"And of course there are other people that just friends, perhaps I just iive in a society that is generally nicer?  I tend to find that if I'm nice, than I get nice in return.  :)"

"Neither, I don't live in your black and white world, remember?  My guess is that since I am a generally nice person, that I generally receive nice reponses in return, I realize that ymmv."  

"<<OMG lololol. Talk about not knowing many different types of people.>>

Oh I know them, I just receive better responses from them because I'm not mocking or intolerant of people's differences.  Therefore I get a better response than someone who lol and mocks people, you might try it sometime.  :)"

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Fri, 10-25-2013 - 1:58pm

[quote=mortyswifee]PKA didn't make any blanket statements about "always".  She said "I tend to find that if I'm nice, than I get nice in return.  :)"  *tend to*   That leaves plenty of room for those times when it doesn't hold true. As does her "generally" statement later.   I don't find it naive, I find it 1) often true and 2) to be a positive outlook.   I agree that, in most cases, if you're nice to someone they're going to be nice in return.  I've defused many an angered/upset/mean attitude into a much more pleasant situation by simply being nice and calm.  There are, of course, some just generally mean and unhappy people in the world - being nice doesn't seem to help there.

 

I think Dalton said it best:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTh5JzRziHE

 

Man, I miss him. :(

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2013
Fri, 10-25-2013 - 2:03pm

quote=mortyswifee]PKA didn't make any blanket statements about "always".  She said "I tend to find that if I'm nice, than I get nice in return.  :)"  *tend to*   That leaves plenty of room for those times when it doesn't hold true. As does her "generally" statement later.   I don't find it naive, I find it 1) often true and 2) to be a positive outlook.   I agree that, in most cases, if you're nice to someone they're going to be nice in return.  I've defused many an angered/upset/mean attitude into a much more pleasant situation by simply being nice and calm.  There are, of course, some just generally mean and unhappy people in the world - being nice doesn't seem to help there.

 

I think Dalton said it best:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTh5JzRziHE

 Man, I miss him. :(

I'm sorry, did you miss this part of her posts?:

perhaps I just iive in a society that is generally nicer?

"There are, of course, some just generally mean and unhappy people in the world - being nice doesn't seem to help there."

EXACTLY. This is NOT what PKA has stated in her posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 10-25-2013 - 2:21pm

<<Check out your responses below. You think because you are nice, you get nice in return. THAT is where your naivety lies. That does NOT always hold true.>>

No, that's not what they say.  If you read them they say "generally" and "tend" not "only".  Of course it doesn't always hold true, but then again, I never said it did because again, I said "generally" and "tend" not "only". 

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/generally   ": in most cases"

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/tend?show=0&t=1382725098  ":  to exhibit an inclination or tendency :  conduce <tends to be optimistic>"

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/only   "b :  solelyexclusively "

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 10-25-2013 - 2:28pm

savcal2011]&lt;p&gt;[quote=mortyswifee wrote:
PKA didn't make any blanket statements about "always".  She said <em>"</em><span style="font-size:x-small"><em>I tend to find that if I'm nice, than I get nice in return.  :)" </em> *tend to*   That leaves plenty of room for those times when it doesn't hold true. As does her "generally" statement later.   I don't find it naive, I find it 1) often true and 2) to be a positive outlook.   I agree that, in most cases, if you're nice to someone they're going to be nice in return.  I've defused many an angered/upset/mean attitude into a much more pleasant situation by simply being nice and calm.  There are, of course, some just generally mean and unhappy people in the world - being nice doesn't seem to help there.</span></p><p><span style="font-size:x-small"></span> </p><p><span style="font-size:x-small">I think Dalton said it best:</span></p><p><span style="font-size:x-small"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTh5JzRziHE" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTh5JzRziHE</a></span></p><p><span style="font-size:x-small"></span> </p><p><span style="font-size:x-small">Man, I miss him. :(</span></p><p><span style="font-size:x-small"></span></p>

Great clip and I have to and you are right, there are just some mean and unhappy people in this world and I've seen people be nice to them, here and irl, doesn't change the situation.  That's why I said generally and tend, not only.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 10-25-2013 - 2:29pm

<<I'm sorry, did you miss this part of her posts?:

perhaps I just iive in a society that is generally nicer?

"There are, of course, some just generally mean and unhappy people in the world - being nice doesn't seem to help there."

EXACTLY. This is NOT what PKA has stated in her posts.>>

I said generally, I'm not sure why you are confused on that word, it doesn't mean only.


PumpkinAngel

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