!! Monday !!

Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
!! Monday !!
168
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 7:52am

If you are married, How many years did you wait- if any - to have children after getting married?

Are there any things you miss doing before kids?  If so, what?

Is your life now what you expected it would be 10 or 20 years ago? 

At what point do you self actualize?  Do you believe in it?

What's on your agenda this week?

 

 

 

 

 

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Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 3:19pm
"I don't think people like to be reminded of mortality." ------------ I am sure that is true, and it is not like I blame them, but it can be a bit tricky to negotiate at times. Another thing I have noticed is that they want you to feel about it the way they imagine they would feel about it. This is also fine, but to a point. Lastly, the "brave" thing. If you are not a slobbering mess on the floor, you are "SO brave!" Uhm, well, no, not really. I KNOW people mean well, when they say it, but it is not "brave" to go get your stupid chemo. It is just what life dished up on that particular day.
Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 3:15pm

rollmops2009 wrote:
Jams wrote: "The fact that both real life/face to face and online communities exist and are used is evidence on this debate board that many if not most families are thriving and at peace with ill/disabled children. Thank you for recognizing that." ------------ No, not really. If anything it is evidence that people living in that situation are in dire need of support and counseling. That is why all those groups exist.

You mean consoling.  Counseling is certainly a program many are in/many are getting too. 

 


 


Avatar for BeaArthurisMyReligion
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Registered: 02-20-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 3:14pm

oh yeah Rollmops it is common.. I don't think people like to be reminded of mortality.. I"ve lived many many different go rounds in cancer land and am in it again with another dear friend (the third in my close group of friends ... we lost the other two) and people's reactions are so troubling sometimes...

Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 3:13pm
Yes you have, bord. Maybe I'm confusing you saying it here for you saying it on the other debate board but it's out there.

 

 

Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 3:10pm
"She has friends and family who don't want 'depressing' updates... some source of support huh?" ------------ Having just spent time in "Cancer Land," it has rather struck me how common this is. People also want it to be "over." It is OK to have a crisis, but then it should be over and you should "put it behind you," which apparently means that you should pretend it never happened and make no reference to the doctors, tests and other ongoing nonsense you deal with all the time.
Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 3:09pm

ducky1st89 wrote:
<p>Jambles, do you know what it's like to sit up with your child, night after night, when said child is in so much pain that there is litterally nothing that you can do to help her?  Do you know what it's like to be told that your child is not responding to treatment, the very treatment that is causing her pain, and that she will have to undergo more aggressive treatment.  Do you know what it's like to be told that your child will not be leaving the hospital alive?  Do you know how all of this effects the other children in your home?  Do you know about the challenges that face parents of an ill child, when they are trying to meet the needs of that child, and their other children, and their spouse...and their own needs?  Are you really going to tell me that families going through all of this and more are living in bliss?</p>

Save the implication that I don't know a thing about the tasks, the roles and duites families with ill or special needs face.  The fact of the matter is their days are eased by support groups and relationships with other families that understand what they're going through, That is what I'm defending here.  You've made some pretty nasty claims, The reality is I don't think you know a whole lot, Count your blessings. 

 


 


Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 3:07pm
"Caringbridge can be great for sharing information, but for another parent to look at that and assume that most parents are not in constant pain in this situation is extremely sad." ----------- I am not even finding it sad. I am finding this idea completely incomprehensible. It is sort of condescending and callous at the same time. I have watched my mother go through, and continue to go through, 2 of her kids having a serious and potentially fatal disease. She has had counseling and she has gone to support groups. "Bliss" is not a word I think she would use to describe the experience, and it would be insulting to all that she has gone through to suggest that she should be "at peace." Mind, these are adult children. How much worse, if we were still small.
Avatar for BeaArthurisMyReligion
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 3:05pm

isn't it littlemiss?  She has friends and family who don't want 'depressing' updates... some source of support huh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 3:03pm

BeaArthurisMyReligion wrote:
<p>If you only know a family with a terminally or critically ill child through what they present on caringbridge and other public sites then you only know part of the story.  My friend has a son with short bowel syndrome- a HORRIBLE condition that necessitates a central IV line at all time, puts her son at constant risk of infection, has him hospitalized multiple times a year and with the very real possibility of him not living a full life- he misses constant school and their life is a constant merry go roudn of hospitalizations and doctors and fear.. and through it all she's been chastized by friends who don't like it when she posts "downer" updates on her sons caringbridge site... they only want the posts about the sunny happy good little boy patient who is plucky.. not the ugly messy reality of vomit and infections on the line and fevers and siblings acting out b/c the sick kid gets all the attention and spouses who travel all the time and constant stress and worry.    Caringbridge can be great- I've used it myself when my friend Kim was dying - but it is only part of the story..  I wouldn't wish a critical, chronic or terminal illness of a child or family member on my worst enemy... it can rip a family apart.</p>

That's sad that her friends are like that.  Cariingbridge can be great for sharing information, but for another parent to look at that and assume that most parents are not in constant pain in this situation is extremely sad.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 2:59pm
Evidently Caring Bridge makes everything A-OK. The path to self-acutalization appears to be dealing with the loss or serious illness of a child. In that case, I'm not interested.

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