My problem of the week...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
My problem of the week...
41
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 10:30am
I am going to add a disclaimer at the very beginning. I don't want this post to offend anyone and, if it does, I apologize ahead of time. I am really frustrated and I am hoping that some of you will have some good advice.

Here is the issue: I have several friends and family members that have become insane ever since Devin has gotten worse. They have been worried about his walk with the Lord and some keep sending us herbal solutions to his problems. Some of asked to have a healing ceremony. I can barely stand it and I find myself getting more and more rude about it.

My sister asked about his walk with the Lord and I asked her how her walk would be if she had 5 malignant brain tumors and you were dying while you had two small children. I also told her to lay off because Devin is very private and he does not need this right now. She did it anyway as did another friend. Devin is getting upset and he asked me last night why he was the only one afraid to die. I told him that it was easy to not be afraid when your back is not against the wall and death is not staring you in the face. I also told him that I thought people did it for their benefit and not his. They are so uncomfortable that they are saying that to help them deal with his situation. I just think that whether Devin has accepted Christ is his business and between him and God. Not him, God and anyone else.

So, with all that said, how do I get people to stop? My Gilda's group said not to touch it and let Devin deal with them. I am just getting very Momma Bear about it. He has started just rolling over and pretending he is asleep but he feels guilty afterwards.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 10:35am

Oh Kristi, I have no clue.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 11:11am
Well this kind of stuff REALLY bothers me, so I'd probably be a lot ruder than you are being, hon. I find public discussion of religion akin to running around in one's underwear-rather low class and distasteful to say the least. Plus I think people who insist on bringing Jesus into every frigging conversation to have some serious issues and insecurities of their own.

That said, I'd be pretty harsh. I'd tell the friends and family at the door, or before they come over, that Devin does NOT want to hear any discussion about his *walk with God* and if they insist on bringing it up, they will be asked to leave. That these discussions are upsetting him, and that if they cannot be respectful of that, they need to send a card rather than visit.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 11:12am

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 11:16am

Coming from a very spiritual, but not religious in any way, shape or form.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 11:31am
I find it rather uncomfortable too. I also find it nosy that they want to know about his beliefs. To me, religion and your belief system is an intensely private thing that should not be forced on a person. If Devin were asking, then I could understand it.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 11:34am
Well, I finally told one of the "healers" that I don't think you can heal the loss of a right temporal lobe. He had his lobe removed in 2001. I also told her that he was so far gone physically that I don't think physical healing is the answer. Then, I kindly suggested that she pray that he does not suffer and that God has ways of healing outside the merely physical.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 11:48am

How annoying. That would tick me off to no end.


My only suggestion is to come up with some rehearsed "conversation stopper" replies. Do they actually use that phrase? "How is his walk with the Lord?" Then here are some possible answers:


"Private."


"Just fine, thanks."


"I'd say it's gone way past walking, don't you think?"


"I'm sure you didn't intend to make such an insensitive comment, so I'll just pretend you didn't say that."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 11:56am
Yes, they use that exact phrase. Is there some manual out there that I am missing? These people are from different churches and different denominations yet they use the same phrase. I find it very strange...

I think they are doing it out of love so I haven't gotten really rude about it but I am going to be from now on.

I like your anwers..esp. we are past walking now...

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 12:14pm
I never thought I would say anything like I'm about to tell you, because it sounds crazy, but I'm going to anyway.

About 2 years ago, the wife of dh's coworker was diagnosed with cancer for the second time. The first time was 10 years ago, she underwent chemo, went into remission, married and had 3 children. The cancer returned, she fought and underwent treatment to no avail. She was given a death sentence. The cancer would not go away, kept growing, and they had exhausted all their options. Dh's friend was sent home from work to spend the last few months with his wife, and they were both told to make arrangements for childcare, funeral, etc. I remember when this happened and we were crying because we all knew she was doomed.

Someone (I don't know who), recommended a chinese herbalist in Chinatown in NYC. Feeling that it couldn't hurt, even though they were skeptical (the wife is a nurse), they went. They didn't tell the Dr. (Chinese herbalists hold that title) what was wrong. The woman looked at her tongue, examined her, and withing 15 minutes accurately diagnosed her with out tests. She mixed up a nasty concoction of herbs and the wife underwent the treatments (drinking the vile stuff 3X a day) for almost 2 months. She began feeling better.

She went back to her oncoligist and miracle of miracles, he found no trace of the cancer. He was stunned, and her case (I kid you not) was written up in a medical journal.

They are true believers.

If someone told me this story I would NEVER have believed it. Since I know the couple, and the husband works with dh, I know it's true. Did the herbs cure her, or was it a miracle?

I don't know, but if that were me, I'd get to that herbalist immediately. If you want I can get the name and address for you by tomorrow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 12:47pm

Oh for crying out loud ... I hate the self righteous.

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

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