Needed to vent my issues...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Needed to vent my issues...
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 4:15am
This may seem like a giant pity party, but I don't really have anyone IRL to talk to at the moment so I'm going to do it here.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 4:35am
Hey, don't you feel one bit of guilt over wishing you could have Grace with you and disappointment at the thought she could be your last. My gram (the one who raised 8 kids) said she cried at all of my youngest aunt's firsts because for her, she knew they were lasts--and she didn't even WANT more kids. Of course if you weren't mentally ready to be done with having kids you're going to feel disappointed and cheated. it's totally normal.

Go ahead and let yourself get through the grieving process; which is what you're trying to argue your way out of feeling. It's NORMAL to grieve a loss and the idea that Grace is your last *is* a loss. It's a real loss and a valid one and don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you otherwise. That's not to say you should wallow in a bit 3 week pajama/no shower pity party, but I don't think you'd do that anyway. But let yourself feel the loss, grieve it and find a way to lay it to rest, just as you would any other huge disappointment.

And don't be afraid to ask your husband and family for support, and assistance around the house, either. For one thing, there are likely people who want to help you, but don't know what to do that would be useful for you. For another, you're dealing with the abrupt change in hormones after birth, with the disappointment of of finding out Grace may be your last and with the stress and worries of having Grace at the hospital when you just want her home. That is going to take a lot out of you so be sure to let those who need to help you do so

and feel free to vent here middle of the night whenever you want :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 7:56am

Awwww, she's adorable. And doesn't look tiny in that picture.

Vent away hon. I would have been devastated if I was told at 25 I should have no more kids. But, (here I get philosophical lol) it would have been more devastating to be told that before having any kids. You got great kids. Enjoy the ones you have; don't fret over the ones that could have been. (Okay, fret ... just don't obsess ... lol)

But vent away. Your emotions are running on all gears; post-partum, hospitalized child, no-more-babies ... you have plenty of reasons to be a basket case.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 10:30am
Your baby is an absolute darling :) And don't be too quick to believe the doctor if you don't want to. You can get a second and third opinion if you need to. I know that I don't know all the issues here, but your little one looks so beautiful! Once she gains enough weight, will she be ok? I am new to the board, so I don't know just how little she was at birth.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 11:24am

Oh...what an angel.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 11:47am
Your newborn Grace is just beautiful.

Time is on your side. You are still in the thick of things postpartum and getting Grace as strong as can be. There will be plenty of time to get additional opinions and to get yourself in tip/top shape if another baby is truly desired.

New here to board, but ((((hugs))) to you nontheless!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 11:57am

If I could reach over the internet and hug you, I would. You are dealing with two very stressful situations and it is so hard. We could not have any children after Alex because of Devin's illness. I was happy with my two but it was really hard to realize I didn't have a choice. Of course, no one thought that Alex would happen so you never know. Try to push the doctor's advice to the back of your mind and deal with it later.

It is so normal to have crying jags and to be sad and happy at the same time. I had to switch my contacts three times the week of Christmas because I cried so much. I couldn't stop. Eventually, though, I stopped crying. You will too but let it out. You need to let it out.

I know you are being torn into a million pieces and everyone needs something from you. Try not to feel guilty and put one foot in front of the other and soon the crisis will end and you will survive. I promise.

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 12:48pm
Your little girl is *beautiful!*

She looks good and I hope she'll be home soon.

Take it one step at a time. I don't know the details but I agree with the others when they say second opinions are helpful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 2:17pm

Give it all you've got ... crying it out is so very cathartic, no one should feel guilty doing it.


Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 5:26pm
I am so sorry for your loss - because that is what it is - the loss of the dream, the wish, or the desire to have more children. I can totally relate to your sadness over having to leave your little darling in the hospital. I wouldn't worry too much about crying in front of her. Expressing honest emotion is not unhealthy for a newborn infant to witness - IMO, it may even be healthy. Just remember, this too shall pass. Soon enough you'll have her home with you where she belongs. In the meantime, try to take advantage of it to get some much needed rest - easier said than done I know...

Hang in there, things will be better soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 6:54pm
First of all she is so beautiful! Second I can totally relate to the sense of loss you are feeling. I found out about a year and a half ago (I was 27 at the time) that I shouldn't have been able to get pregnant or carry a child if I did get pregnant. Some how I managed to do it two times but youth was on my side (I was 19 and 23 when my girls were born). Now being older would make it that much harder. Even though I was done having children (dh had had a vas by that time) I mourned the loss. Your body is going through so much, let yourself feel what ever it is that you are feeling.