Obsessed with kids...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Obsessed with kids...
12
Sat, 03-27-2010 - 1:41pm

In general, does it seem sometimes parents are obsessed with their kids?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sat, 03-27-2010 - 2:22pm

I have often posted that there is a wide range for good parenting. Total neglect would be at one end and complete helicopter parenting would be at the other end. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. I think that I do see more that fall towards the helicopter end now then in the past. But if they fall out of the good range and into the may cause damage range would be hard to tell.

I think that most of us grow up to be productive adults regardless of where our parents fall in the range.

I think that in parenting it often has more to do with having a good match between the parent and what the child needs then having a set formula for all children. Some children do better with more hands on parenting and some do better with more of a hands off approach.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sun, 03-28-2010 - 2:51pm

well said.


the only thing i would add is that what mattered in the good old days ( grew up in the 70s, 80s, LOL ) that i think matters to kids, now, too is where a parents stand is, general.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 11:00am

The next time someone posts a question comparing the "good old days" with today, they need to define when "the good old days" were. When I hear about the way things used to be, I think of at least prior to WWII. Using that time frame, I do think that mothers are more obsessed with their children than then. Among the reasons are that mothers have more free time now, the media (including talk shows and message boards), "experts" telling mothers that it's all their fault if their children turn out wrong, news media with all their negative reporting on children (everything from children shooting up their school to kidnappings to abuse). Now, granted that all these things have always been there ("the kids these days.....!"). I think that what's changed is the pervasiveness of it. Way back then, what happened in the next county (let alone in the next town) might not be known in your town. Now, we hear about what happened on the other side of the world the instant it happens. And it's told in such a way as to leave the impression that it did/could happen in your back yard.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 6:51pm

i referred to the 70s,80s as the good old days as sort of, tongue and cheek, LOL.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 11:28am

The obsession is with safety, diet, discipline, and general upbringing. If I feed my kids the right foods, send them to the right schools, give them the right toys, never let them play in the backyard alone, etc., they will turn out right. As if every little decision, no matter how small (ok, so I'm channeling Dr. Seuss here) is extremely important. This board exists because of that fact. SAH is the bar for the first 5 years or woh is the way to raise perfect children. Organic foods all made from scratch or is the occasional trip to McD's allowed. How much sleep should kids have. Even AP is now considered to be a set of rules instead of the suggestions that Dr. Sears advocated.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 9:42am

Darnit, my toddler deleted my entire post!

In a nutshell, I think that even though most of us acknowledge that there isn't one perfect way for everyone to raise their children, we still think that there is one perfect way for us to raise OUR OWN children and we are very wary about deviating at all from that way. As if being slightly more strict or slightly more lenient (or organized, or health food oriented, or involved, etc) would have a severe impact on our children's psyches.















iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 2:55pm

ITA with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 7:17pm

"In a nutshell, I think that even though most of us acknowledge that there isn't one perfect way for everyone to raise their children, we still think that there is one perfect way for us to raise OUR OWN children and we are very wary about deviating at all from that way. As if being slightly more strict or slightly more lenient (or organized, or health food oriented, or involved, etc) would have a severe impact on our children's psyches."

But you see, I don't agree with that. I don't believe that there is only one perfect way to raise any child. I was successful in raising Joy, Erica, and Angela but I don't believe that how I raised them was the best way. I made it up as I went along with some mistakes, apologies, and back pedaling along the way.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 7:23pm

<>

That implies that you think that there WAS a best way to raise them.















iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 7:28pm

I was thinking the same thing but was not sure how to word it.

Much of it I learned as I went along. Some of my preconceived notion about how I would parent in the future were completely different from the reality of how I did parent when I hit those points. In some ways I parented DD3 different than I did her sisters because of what I had learned with them.

You add in that each child is unique with its own personality and I was a different parent with each of my children.

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