Then I said it wrong. Emptynester perhaps said it better in post 11. There are many choices to make. None of them is the one "best" choice for that moment for that child in that family. I don't believe in one best choice, only many equally valid but different choices.
The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett
I was thinking the same thing but was not sure how to word it.
Much of it I learned as I went along. Some of my preconceived notion about how I would parent in the future were completely different from the reality of how I did parent when I hit those points. In some ways I parented DD3 different than I did her sisters because of what I had learned with them.
You add in that each child is unique with its own personality and I was a different parent with each of my children.
That implies that you think that there WAS a best way to raise them.
"In a nutshell, I think that even though most of us acknowledge that there isn't one perfect way for everyone to raise their children, we still think that there is one perfect way for us to raise OUR OWN children and we are very wary about deviating at all from that way. As if being slightly more strict or slightly more lenient (or organized, or health food oriented, or involved, etc) would have a severe impact on our children's psyches."
But you see, I don't agree with that. I don't believe that there is only one perfect way to raise any child. I was successful in raising Joy, Erica, and Angela but I don't believe that how I raised them was the best way. I made it up as I went along with some mistakes, apologies, and back pedaling along the way.
ITA with you.
Darnit, my toddler deleted my entire post!
In a nutshell, I think that even though most of us acknowledge that there isn't one perfect way for everyone to raise their children, we still think that there is one perfect way for us to raise OUR OWN children and we are very wary about deviating at all from that way. As if being slightly more strict or slightly more lenient (or organized, or health food oriented, or involved, etc) would have a severe impact on our children's psyches.
The obsession is with safety, diet, discipline, and general upbringing. If I feed my kids the right foods, send them to the right schools, give them the right toys, never let them play in the backyard alone, etc., they will turn out right. As if every little decision, no matter how small (ok, so I'm channeling Dr. Seuss here) is extremely important. This board exists because of that fact. SAH is the bar for the first 5 years or woh is the way to raise perfect children. Organic foods all made from scratch or is the occasional trip to McD's allowed. How much sleep should kids have. Even AP is now considered to be a set of rules instead of the suggestions that Dr. Sears advocated.
i referred to the 70s,80s as the good old days as sort of, tongue and cheek, LOL.
The next time someone posts a question comparing the "good old days" with today, they need to define when "the good old days" were. When I hear about the way things used to be, I think of at least prior to WWII. Using that time frame, I do think that mothers are more obsessed with their children than then. Among the reasons are that mothers have more free time now, the media (including talk shows and message boards), "experts" telling mothers that it's all their fault if their children turn out wrong, news media with all their negative reporting on children (everything from children shooting up their school to kidnappings to abuse). Now, granted that all these things have always been there ("the kids these days.....!"). I think that what's changed is the pervasiveness of it. Way back then, what happened in the next county (let alone in the next town) might not be known in your town. Now, we hear about what happened on the other side of the world the instant it happens. And it's told in such a way as to leave the impression that it did/could happen in your back yard.