? for parents who use daycare and dcps

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
? for parents who use daycare and dcps
4
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 1:21am
An aquaintance of mine has a 5 year old son who attends daycare in her small town. It is the only daycare in town and the only dayhome agency as well. Her son has been attending for over 2 years and throughout that time this mother has complained (to me) bitterly that they are very hard on her child. They complain about his behaviour and have suggested various parenting classes for her etc. She is a single parent, and she is... shall we say... eccentric. For example, she was still breast feeding her son into his fourth year, she did not believe in forcing potty training and he is barely trained now. AS a matter of fact, he will urinate in his pants at least once per day. Teasing by other children does bother him, but not enough to make him stop the behaviour.

The child is an only child and he definately is somewhat delayed emotionally - although intellectually he excels. Anyway, I have been of the mindset that she is simply defensive because she feels her parenting is being judged - and that she should heed the dcp's advice. She took her son to a child psychologist for an evaluation - based on the daycare's constant criticism and her increasing self doubt. Did I mention she is full of self pity as well? The psychologist had her, the daycare and the Kindergarten teacher complete behaviour assessments. He went and observed the child at the daycare, the school and at home.

He took all the testing and compiled his assessment. His report indicates that the child is suffering from some minor behaviour problems that could be easily managed with more active parenting (and gives her strategies). He states that the data compiled by the dcp could not be considered valid. Apparently the scores were outrageous and indicative of extreme exaggeration. He questions the perceptions of the dcp - the worker who has the most contact and interaction with the child is the one who completed the assessment. He had also interviewed several daycare staff. In the end, he believes that the daycare staff have preconceived notions about the child and his mother and that they are judging him based on those notions. The report actually says, although I can't remember the exact wording - that the staff basically do not like the mother or the child.

I was shocked. I truly believed that this testing was going to show this mom that she really needed to stop being so defensive and start parenting. LOL. Well, I guess I've been a tad judgemental myself! I suggested to her that if I were her I would remove him from that daycare. That is not an option for her because it is the only facility in town. Next year he will be in full time school and the daycare runs the before and after school care program as well. I would be very concerned for this child. WWYD? As a dcp, are you aware of your biases - are there kids you just don't particularily like? If so, how does that impact your interactions with the child? If you were a parent, WWYD? She is very shaken and doesn't know how to respond. Obviously it is an awkward situation for her - this psychologist's report is a private arrangement - the daycare would not be receiving a copy. I just thought maybe some of you on this board would have some insight or wisdom to share on this problem. Thanks in advance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 6:58am

I would be or I should say, I AM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 7:09pm
I don't know where you live but I find it rather unbelievable that there is only one place for child care in a town. Aren't there private individuals that provide child care out of their home? I would not leave my child in that situation for no amount of money. I would take an immediate vacation or leave of absence from work so I could take my child out of there and find a new place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 8:18pm
I don't live in the same town as her or I would take care of him. She lives in a remote northern town in Alberta Canada. The population is about 3000 and yes, she could probably find a private home but it would not be licensed. All licensed homes in her community are through the daycare. She is a single parent and cannot afford to take a leave of absence, nor would she be granted one. WRT vacation, she has used it up - she used vacation time to shorten his hours in daycare. Because of where she lives jobs are scarce and she is really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Another issue is that the father is suing for custody. She is more than willing to relocate, but would have to find employment that would pay for the move. Her only other alternative is welfare, and for her it is not an option.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 1:49pm
There's gotta be someone. There has to be an alternative. As she has seen, licensing does NOT guarantee good care, and an unlicensed but loving neighbor might be a better alternative than this. My son came home from first grade last year and told me several times that his first grade teacher didn't like him. I didn't believe him -- thought the problem was she was a little intolerant of some of his behavior quirks. Things deteriorated between him and his teacher. The principal got involved -- her analysis was "the teacher and he just don't ilke each other." It happens, but you can't leave your child in the care of someone who doesn't like him -- because kids get their self-assessments, in part, from big, powerful people with whom he interacts. If they don't like him, he may just conclude that he's unlikeable.....

Lois, who's a little wierd herself, I guess, having nursed kids into their fourth year, lol!