SAHMs with Help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
SAHMs with Help?
100
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 3:33pm
Just an idle question (two really) prompted by a discussion among three couples at a recent BBQ--how many of you are FT SAHM's with some sort of household help (cleaner, nanny or daycare provider, help with cooking, gardener, etc.) and why did you decide to hire help? In some cases it's obvious why a SAHM would need or want domestic help--to cope with an ill or disabled family member or because the SAHM has a disability, or a really big family. I'm more curious about the "average" family.

One of my SAH friends made the mistake of telling her DH in front two other husbands that she wanted to get a maid service two days a week. The husbands, of course, hooted at her unmercifully and asked why she needs a maid if she's not working. The poor thing didn't really come back with a cogent answer because she was feeling so persecuted and embarassed she burst into tears. So, now I'm wondering how other SAHM's address the question of helpers.

As for me, I WOH and don't have any extra help beyond after-school childcare.

 

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Avatar for homesicktxn
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 6:29pm
If I could afford it, I would pay someone to do my laundry. With 3 of these 5 kids being girls changing 3 times a day -no matter what I say- I have probably 14 to 17 or 18 loads of laundry a week. It is insane the amount of laundry I get buried under. Heck, I'd hire all kinds of help, but if I wasn't working, I don't think I would hire a nanny. Maybe a babysitter occasionally, but I do that now.

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 7:05pm
I have a cleaning lady (technically, a cleaning duo). They come in every two weeks for 2 hours. I don't "need" it, but it is a luxury that is nice to have. It was actually dh that suggested it - he is more of a neat freak than I am, and I think he considers it "his" contribution around the house, LOL.

Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 8:20pm

Sometimes I think we could be long lost sisters..or at least cousins. I hate laundry. It is the only thing I could relate to Jessica Simpson about is her hate of laundry.


I have been fortunate that we have volunteers that stay with Devin. I come home to a clean house, dinner and folded laundry. It is wonderful. I have grown quite spoiled. I don't know what I will do when I have to do all of it alone again!


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 10:24am
Since we moved into a bigger house, I've been seriously toying with the idea of getting some pt help. Just a couple times a month to do the heavy stuff. But I am a pt woh/pt student, so I dont fit the mold of what you are describing.

This house gets dirty quickly, I dont particularly like housework, although I love a clean home and cannot rest when my house isnt clean-so I end up spending a lot more time on cleaning than I want to!!

Plus, I have always felt that the main reason I am/was home was for my KIDS. Not for the housework. If we could afford a housekeeper, I'd have one, no doubt about it.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 3:17pm
If you can afford it and want it,what is the problem?Some wohms here find cleaning their homes a snap,and some don't.Some sahms find it easy to do,and some don't .It just depends.If you have the time and/or can't afford it,then it is a waste.

Honestly,just doing the laundry and picking up and making/cleaning up from meals and sweeping the front walk and wiping down bathrooms and damp mopping the kitchen and family room floor every day and making beds and grocery shopping takes enough of my time that I throughly understand why some people would get help if they could easily afford it.It is all in how you want to spend your money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 9:54pm
The friends we had Thanksgiving with have a mother's helper two weekdays and an occasional cleaning service.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 3:39pm
I agree--I actually like to clean and although I can afford a cleaner, I know I'd never satisfied. I wouldn't begrudge anyone else help though. A couple of days after the BBQ disaster,I asked my neghbor why she wanted a maid service and she said she just hates cleaning. We all have at least one thing we could do ourselves but hate. It's sometimes worth it to pay someone else to do the most hated chores since you won't do them well anyway.

The problem here is that she has to pry the money out a DH who sees cleaning as part of her job as a SAHM (and who was roundly backed up by the other husbands)--he told her he hates parts of his job too, so she should just do it and suck it up. I posed the question here on the board because I wondered if other SAHM's met with this kind of resistance and how they dealt with it.

BTW I suggested to my neighbor that she could look for PT work or even pick up a few extra bucks doing Pampered Chef or Party Lite or the like, and pay for the cleaner with that, but she says no, that would negate the point of having help. I don't follow her logic--if it's cleaning she hates, she can do some non-cleaning work to generate sufficient $$ to pay a cleaner. If it's just work she hates, well then, what can you say?



 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 6:04pm
My MIL has related her experience to me in this area. She SAH with her children while they were young. She keeps, and has kept forever from what I've heard, the most immaculate home I've ever seen. She has much regret that she spent so much time focused on housework. She regrets having had the formal living room that the kids never got to play in. I think it's a personality issue; I have no problems lounging in the yard watching the kids play while the lunch dishes sit in the sink. She however, is a lot different and can't enjoy herself until everything is done.

I noticed during our Thanksgiving dinner that my SIL has the same sort of personality. While family members were still eating dinner, she was sweeping the kitchen floor around them. She has white carpet throughout her home that doesn't have a single spot and 3 children. I can't imagine. She can't relate to stories like finding the sippy cup full of cheese under the seat in the car, and I'd be willing to bet there isn't one solitary lego under her couch cushions.

So I do think it does boil down to personality. If you can't let go of cleaning standards, or can't relax with all the pressure all the time, I say get a cleaning service. Life is just too short to really worry about such things IMO.

I personally wouldn't have a cleaning service because I cannot, and likely will not ever, be able to afford the kind I'd want. You know, someone right here to clear my plate, pick up my socks and toss out that empty shampoo bottle in my shower. I like the big cleaning projects in my home because when I am done I feel as though I've accomplished something, unlike doing the dishes or laundry, which never, ever, ever, end. LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 8:56am

"So I do think it does boil down to personality. If you can't let go of cleaning standards, or can't relax with all the pressure all the time, I say get a cleaning service. Life is just too short to really worry about such things IMO. "


This is me! Unfortunately, the daily "cleaning service" is me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 11:51am
I have really learned to let it go over the years. I used to be a total clean freak, and in some ways I still am. But I have learned that the dishes will still be in the sink if I stop to read the paper or play with my kids. Housework will ALWAYS be there (unfortunately) and other opportunities or activities might not.

The only thing I am still totally anal about is having company over if my house isnt spotless, and with my close friends, I've even learned to ease up a little on that. I've learned that my cleaning standards are different than other peoples-even if *I* think my house is a mess, everyone else seems to think my house is *always clean*. One of my girlfriends always jokes that she has never seen my house with any clutter...I'm like *what! Its a wreck!* LOL

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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