Sex and the Sahm/Wohm

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Sex and the Sahm/Wohm
45
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:09pm
So, what's it for you?

As a sahm do you feel too "touched out" at the end of the day for snuggling? Or as a wohm are you just too tired from pulling double duty?

Or are you just the Energizer Bunny no matter what? Do the ages of the children make a difference?

I know there are A LOT of variables. But I tend to think...that the sahm might be a little less inclined to participate in the mattress limbo at the end of the day. Mainly, because the "touched out" thing and because the kids are usually little toddlers (if she's at home) and the burden of running the home falls solely on the woman, breeding resentment sometimes. I think the wohp have a better balance of child duty/household chores and usually there is less resentment.

Or, do kids just kill the sex no matter what?? ha ha.

Meldi

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:25pm

Hey, I had a bedroom door with no lock and a DH on chemo...we were in the desert. Now, I am still in the desert and missing it alot (TMI, I know).


Actually, when my children were nursing, I felt touched out the majority of the time. I am

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:35pm
I don't think work status matters. It depends on the sex drive of each individual.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:38pm

Kids definitely contributed to the decline of my sex drive; but the un-noticed problems in our marriage was the main cause.


After Sav was born, my libido decreased; but it didin't go away, I just didn't feel like an energizer bunny anymore. But things were still more than acceptable.


After Cal? Things went downhill fast; mainly because I didn't get more than 2-3 hours sleep at a stretch until he was over 2 years old. And xh never grasped that. Had he understood the emotional and physical toll the lack of sleep was having one me, he might have 1) been more understanding and 2) done something to help alleviate the effects.


The other part that killed it for me was the constant expectation of it. Every kiss seemed to me to be only a way of getting sex. There wasn't kissing just for kissing's sake, or hugging for affection; it was all a "ruse" so to speak to get sex. And that turned me off.


Kids actually contribute to my sex drive now, in a way. Because of them, and other factors, we have less opportunity than we'd like to do that. So when we do ... its all the better.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:47pm
well, right now, my view on sex is a bit skewed.... having to "time" sex take a little fun out it. (Where are you Blade and CP: yes, it is "work" lol!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:56pm
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ITA with that! Dh would disagree, but if it's more than a quick kiss hello or goodbye, it better have a "happy ending" lol.

That bothers me a lot. We've talked about it and he says that I shouldn't feel that way, that I'm doing it to myself and making myself feel guilty. But I know I'm right!

I'm going through massive sex-guilt right now (28 weeks preg) and maybe I just brought up the topic of sex to commiserate.

Meldi

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 5:47pm
I think that it has more to do with the ages of children then work status. Having little ones takes a lot out of you whether you are SAH or WOH. It effected my DH a (WOHP) just as much as it did me (a SAHP). We both put in long days.





iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 6:57pm
It funny you ask this because just last night my dh and I were talking about this. I am a SAHP and he is a WOHP....so we were trying to find a balance for the two in order to continue having a successful sex life. The conclusion that we both came to and agreed apon is that we wouldn't expect sex from each other at the times we are desiring it when the other isn't, but instead we would put fourth our efforts to be extra nice. We tried it last night....it worked awsome!

Louise

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 8:17pm
In my case, it's a combination of too touched out and tired. And frankly, when DH shows up late after a 15 hr day at the office, I'm usually too tired. He's got a much better chance of getting some when he's been home helping around here.

That probably sounds awful, but it's the truth.

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 8:46pm
What's sex???
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 7:58am
I agree with you about the ages of the kids playing a role. Very young children are very needy and require much of your attention and energy, leaving little for others. As the children grow they require less of your energy. I have found my sex drive has recoverd (and then some) in the past few years. My youngest is 5.

Jenna

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