Should Bullied Kids Be Encouraged to "Fight Back"?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Should Bullied Kids Be Encouraged to "Fight Back"?
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Sun, 03-20-2011 - 10:04pm

Should Bullied Kids Be Encouraged to "Fight Back"?

The web's buzzing over a video taken in an Australia school in which Casey Heynes is seen taking hard punches and verbal teasing from a smaller boy. Classmates say Casey, a heavy student, is often the victim of bullying at the school. But in this moment, captured on video, Casey finally retaliates, lifts the bully up, and violently slams his body to the ground. End of story? Not when there's video to be shared… and shared… and shared.

Although the original video was eventually taken down by YouTube, Casey now has a dedicated Facebook Group “liked” by over 100,000 prople. MSNBC calls him an “internet hero.” And Taiwan-based NMA-TV even covered it in one of their famous digital re-enactments. Parents, particularly fathers, are clapping their hands in support. The school has suspended both boys, but a larger question remains: Was what Casey did right? And should parents be counselling their kids to retaliate against a menacing bully?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003

My kids do JuiJitsu - it's like wrestling (MMA) type stuff.

Once a girl (11) was training - she was on her back and a boy was on top of her and she put him in a triangle choke - he had to "tap out" because he could not breath.

The father next to me said "and that is exactly why we are taking this class".

Thanks! I enjoy your insight!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006

i have one boy, we're not there, yet anyway, he's a pretty nice kid..in tae kwan do he is being introduced to "sparring", he loves it but i hate it, it's more physical and it involves weapons too.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003

Not yet dealing with middle school and I have boys - so very different issues. Though my son had a problem with a "aggressive" girl in his last school - we are now in an all boys school so girls are not part of the equation anymore.

Being physical is pretty real.

In the public school middel school - zero tolerance - boy 1 punched boy 2 in the shoulder - boy 2 had a broken collar bone - boy 3 (my neighbor's son) shoved boy 1 and said "dude uncool" boy 2 is bent over in pain. Boy 1 and 3 are suspended. That is what I am saying is not good. That type of zero tolerance protects the bully or jerk or whatever.

I am not saying that a kid is acting obnoxious and he accidentally runs into a kid that he is fair game.

I use to think - anything can be delt with by walking away

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006

what are you saying, that a kid can't be nice to a bully?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
One of the issues here may be the kid with poor social skills or who has trouble reading social cues. The kid wants to be friends or initiate a conversation buut doesn't really know how, so he gets in the other kid's face and does something aggressive to get attention. The second kid ignores the annoying one so the annoying one does something even more aggressive, thiking the other kid didn't see or hear him. Then after a few more ignored overtures, the second kid suddenly shoouts, "I don't want to be your friend anyymore!" To the first kid, this comes out of the blue. Kids need to be taught to articulate what they don't like. "I don't want you to shove your paper in my face" is usually more effective than "You're not my friend."
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003

There can be a fine line and you do want to make sure kid does not have some disability that causes impulse issues.

But... the teachers usually are like work it out, then you call them and they are like - kids will be kids - then you are like - okay tell the kid if he pushes you again you are going to have to push back.

We teach our kids to chose friends wisely - then when they refuse to play with the class bully or pain in the arse they are told to be nice. It's too confusing.

If you treat me in a way I don't

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003

There is a rule in my house. If you say something hurtful and then say "I was just kidding" you have to do pushups.

I was amazing how many push ups I even had to do the first week. The push ups were not really too much of punishment but a little reminder. Crap! I dd it again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006

at kindergarten, early 1st or 2nd grade, some bullies do think their aggression is a form of play.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2011

We have a little boy who keeps going after my kindergartner. My DS has been spit at, pushed, shoved and insulted by this boy, but the boy appears to want to be friends with him - he gives him pictures and tries to sit next to him all of the time. We've told DS that he first tells the boy to stop. Then he moves away from the boy and tells him that he's not going to be friends with him if the action continues. (Often the boy follows him after this step.) Next, if it continues, he's supposed to tell his teacher so that his teacher can handle it. He reports the behavior three times and then he has our permission to shove the boy and if necessary hit him to get the message across.

Working in education, there are a lot of kids who don't seem to realize that there are consequences to thier actions and it's not all "funny" or "just for fun." I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I was just messing with him!" as an excuse for bullying - the kids are almost baffled that they got in trouble since "messing" is so common in our culture.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003

Our rules are really for physical bullying (but I did not say that in my post). We have actually dealt with physical stuff on 3 occassions.

As for verbal bullying we have had a few instances of that.

Yea - mostly that can be ignored. There was one girl that was just torturing my son verbally, tattle taling, etc. My son is extremely self confident and he couldn't take it anymore. Kids definitely need to learn how to deal with it. I don't think there are many

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