So what do you think of this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
So what do you think of this?
12
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 4:30pm
I am wondering if its just me or if this situation seems rather wierd. Ds just started a new preschool this week. We are new to the area, so I dont have any friends who live nearby etc. Yesterday when I was picking up ds, one of the moms approached me and said *Oh I think you live right by me!*. We talked for a minute and confirmed that we did indeed live near each other. Just as I was thinking how nice and neighborly it was of her to introduce herself, she says *Well I was hoping that maybe we could start carpooling*. I was a bit shocked-this woman does not KNOW me at ALL! I could drive like a maniac, have an unreliable car, be some kind of psycho for all she knows. Plus she has TWO children to my ONE-which means more work for me. And my ds is still in a booster seat-would I have to transfer it to her car on the days she drove?? What about her kids? I could just barely fit 3 in the backseat, but not with carseats-and we have a passenger airbag up front.

It probably will end up being totally moot anyway, ds would not go with someone he didnt know and I really dont need anyone picking him up. I thought I'd give her my number and tell her that if she gets in a bind, I'd happily help her out, but thats about as far as I think I would be willing to take it. Plus we only live about 10 minutes from the preschool-its not like we are having to drive across town or anything.

Am I paranoid? Overly cautious? WWYD?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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Avatar for val10154
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 4:39pm
No, I don't think you're being paranoid or overly cautious. Maybe everyone carpooling each other's kids in that area is an extremely common thing & that's why she was so casual about it. That's what it sounds like to me. But if you're not comfortable w/ it, then I don't think you should do it, and I wouldn't see anything wrong w/ that.
Avatar for homesicktxn
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 4:45pm
NO way! I don't think I could ever just put my preschooler in a car with someone I didn't know well.

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 6:47pm
i am totally thinking like you. i was very cautious with my children when they were little and didnt depend on anyone for anything, although when in a bind, only people i knew well. there is no way i would carpool, when i only had one little guy. personally, i think it would spoil the alone time in the car. i really loooooved talking with the kids alone when picking them up after pre-school, or any school for that matter. we've had some of our best conversations in the car.

stick to your gut feeling. its usually right on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sat, 09-13-2003 - 11:51am
I always thought that I was the only person who consider car time to be serious quality time with kids. With ds nowadays, it is one of the few times in the day when I have his full, undivided attention and when we really talk about how things are going in school. I really love those times.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 09-13-2003 - 12:06pm
I can see it from her point of view. Maybe she has older children too. I have often been quite direct with people about what I want and maybe she is the same way. I had a very tricky situation two years ago where I had to rush one child home from preschool to catch the bus for a child coming home from morning kindergarten. I would have loved to carpool with anyone from preschool to lessen that burden and reduce the stress. But I found out the no one lived out my way. I had no compunction about chatting with people for a few minutes to find out where they lived to see if I could work out an arrangement. Now, I wouldn't have just shoved my kid onto her on the first day but I would attempt to get to know the person better and start up a dialogue for the purpose of eventually sharing driving duties. I would see if we could work out a way to help each other out. I would be very understanding if the other person was not comfortable with carpooling just yet. As to her having two children and you having only one, I am sure she is very aware of that. Maybe she would have suggested driving twice for every once you drove.

Since you are new to the area, perhaps you don't know how trusting or open people in your new community are. My community is amazing in this way. I had a mom who barely knew me (from my son's soccer team) offer to take my kids overnight once when I had to go out of town. I don't think I even knew her last name. Now, I didn't take her up on it but when I first read your post I thought maybe the woman you are talking about is really trying to make a connection with you. She may want you as her buddy and carpooling is a good way for people to start talking.

You should be up front and say that you aren't sure that carpooling would work with your car/the carseat situation and that your child needs time to warm up to new people first. But maybe in a month or two, the carpooling thing may look attractive. (And then again, maybe you've bumped into one of those irritating people who are always looking for a way out of their own responsibilities...)

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 8:21am
Give her my number and offer to help if she's in a bind. No, you're not being overly cautious. She's a stranger. I, certainly, would not let my kids go with her unless I knew her better. However, you do know your own driving record and your own character so there's no harm in offering to help her out if she needs it. I'd watch out for her abusing the offer though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 8:35am
I don't think that you are being either and I also don't think that the situation was wierd. She asked a question and you declined, no big issue there.

Some people are more open when it comes to things like car pools, it does not make those that aren't paranoid or over cautious nor does it make them careless. It just means that they feel a little differently about things.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 2:11pm
Nope. I always loved car time with John. Even now that he's grown, when we road trip out to Illinois, we leave Maryland in the evenings and I drive most of the way (since I'm still on my nightshift schedule) and he's supposed to sleep then spot me for driving the last couple of hours.

But what usually happens is that I drive the ENTIRE trip, and he and I talk all but about the last 3 hours, when he finally falls asleep. (then on the return trip, he drives home--we drive home during the day on the way back and we're both awake, even tho I'm supposed to be napping, and we talk virtually the entire way home).

It's something about the car; even when my Dad was still out here (he'd been scheduled to retire from the federal civil service early, but got held over for the first Gulf War. Mom was already in Illinois because they'd already bought a house out there.), my great uncle Bob died,, so my dad, my son (then about 13 or so) and my Aunt Carole up in Mechanicsburg, PA carpooled out to the funeral. Again, it was an overnight trip--Dad driving and the rest of us were supposed to be sleeping, except for the "co-pilot" position, which was supposed to work in shifts. That time we did all trade off driving and co-piloting, but not one of the 4 of us slept--we were all talking and chatting...and it's a 13 hour trip, easily, so it's not like we were just catching up. What can I say? My family enjoys road trips and talking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 2:24pm
If you don't feel comfortable just tell the woman that you like to take your son and you'd rather just take him yourself. I think what you decided to say to her is perfect.

I don't think anything is wrong with the woman asking though. Some people are very low key and trusting and it doesn't even occur to them that another mom wouldn't be as careful as they are. And then again on the other side of the spectrum are the overly neurotic moms who will want to do a background check on you and check your tires if you drive their kid somewhere once!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 5:21pm
She sounds too pushy anyway. But I'm like you ... I have to really know who what where when before I trust people to drive my girls anywhere and my twins are 15yo.

Linda

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

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