Speaking of weddings and parties....

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Speaking of weddings and parties....
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 1:37pm
I have one for debate. Dss and his gf have decided to get married. They're taking off out of state next weekend (they don't have to wait for a marriage license out of state) so no one will be attending the cermony. They've decided not to have a reception now because dgf is pg and doesn't think it's fair that she can't get drunk at her own reception. Ok, here's the debate. They're planning on having a wedding ceremony and reception next year after the baby is born. I think this is in poor taste, since this ship done sailed and a wedding and reception are in celebration of starting out on a new life together. I think money is better spent, at this point, on diapers, formula and college savings. Just curious as to what others think. IMO, it's a total waste and a poor decision to spend $$ on a party a year from now. Heck, I think it would be a bad decision to do it now considering baby #2 is on the way but at least it would be in celebration of the newlyweds getting married at this point.

Is my thinking out of line? Or is theirs? I can't see eloping now and then having a party later to accomodate a pregnant bride who wants to tie one on at her reception.

Oh, I'll be out of town for the next week. I'll check back in to see what people have to say when I get back.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 2:38pm
Well, I think that anytime two people decide to make a public commitment, they are entitled to celebrate any old way that they want. And if you're invited, you're allowed to decline to decline any old invitation you want. And if you don't want to contribute financially, you don't have to....and given this couple's track record, I wouldn't get into a swivet about any plans they have for next year.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 5:31pm
I think that those that have a small wedding for convenience sake and then a more elaborate wedding later, or those that put off getting married until they can afford the wedding they want, but still continue to live like they were married (live together, have children together) are putting the wedding of higher importance then the marriage. The marriage should be what is important and it should not matter how un-elaborate the wedding was that began that marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 8:27am
I don't think it's anyone's business but theirs, and if they have the money and want to spend money on a party to celebrate next year, they should.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:07pm
Sure, but I think they should call it that, "a party" but a "wedding" with vows and all? I think that's a little weird.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:13pm
I would agree, depending on how they do their vows...if they did it more as a vow renewal...great. Otherwise, I find it a little showy.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 12:21pm
I guess if they are going to spend their own money to do it, its their choice. Personally I think its somewhat in poor taste. If they want to have a party, maybe they should label it an anniversary party rather than trying to have an actual wedding. They could renew their vows at it if they wanted to, it might be kind of nice!

When dh and I got married, it was a 2nd wedding for me and I was pg, so I didnt feel right about trying to have some big church wedding. We had a *surprise* wedding in our home. We had a housewarming party, and in the midst of the party we announced that we'd be getting married! It was great fun, the guests loved it, and it was also nice because since we'd both been out on our own for many years and lived together for a time, we didnt need or want a lot of *stuff*. The gifts we got were more of the knick-knack variety (housewarming gifts!) rather than wedding gifts. I didnt want people to feel obligated to run out and buy some fancy gift either, which is another reason we went the route we did.

Considering that it sounds like they are in a somewhat precarious position financially AND emotionally, and with another baby on the way, it would be kind of silly to spend a bunch of money on a wedding a year after the fact. But, like I said, if they do it and dont ask for financial help from anyone, I guess thats their choice.



"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 9:09am
My dh's niece and her SO married in a formal ceremony last year, included in the ceremony were their 7yods, 5yodd, and 3yods. Your dss and his SO will do whatever ... with or without your blessing, but it is only a one day affair, do what you want. I'm glad we went to dh's niece's wedding ... we had a ball, and it was all over before we knew it.



Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 11:43pm
I guess its fine if they want to have a wedding, as long as they pay for it themselves and don't try to bilk their parents or anyone else for the funds.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Fri, 08-15-2003 - 7:09pm
Well, my oldest sister eloped. Then, a few months later, they had a church wedding and a big reception.

Nobody came. Seriously. It was very poorly attended.

I'd agree that it's in poor taste, and they may find that their friends and relatives say "why bother at this point"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 08-15-2003 - 7:34pm
I really don't see what is so debateable about it, personally. If that's what they want to do, why bother worrying about it? If they can afford it, and want to do it that way, so what? Besides, those are their plans *now*. In the next year, they may completely change a decide they don't want that at all. But if they still do, it's still *their* choice. --->Dawn