Teaching tolerance to our kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2010
Teaching tolerance to our kids
1822
Mon, 12-27-2010 - 4:06pm

The discussion in the other thread about gay marriage (OK, it wasn’t so much a discussion as an attack on granitestategal, plus the last time I checked it had devolved into mumbling and maniacal laughter...time to move on!) got me to thinking about this new generation of kids and how things have changed for them. Technology has exploded, and kids are more connected than ever before. They’re also disconnected in a whole new way, but this thread isn’t about that. I’d like to know what we are teaching our kids as far as tolerance for other religions, races and lifestyles.

My parents were brought up by parents who were extremely prejudiced against non-Catholics and non-whites. My great-grandparents must not have passed along the lessons they’d learned as immigrants themselves. The town we lived in was predominantly white and Catholic, and up until high school I didn’t know anyone who was black, Jewish, Hispanic, or gay*. When I moved away from home, I was blown away by how different people outside my little world really were, and fascinated by it. I was, and am, determined to raise my kids to respect and appreciate the differences of others and to understand that deep down we really aren’t that different.

A few years ago when DS was 4, we ran into the husband of a co-worker at a music festival. My co-worker is also male. I probably went overboard in my introduction, but I wanted to get the point across that it’s perfectly OK for some families to consist of 2 dads or 2 moms, or one parent, or parents of different races/religions.

Kevali


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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Sat, 01-01-2011 - 5:55am

I don't see a reason for kids to be allowed to break the rules to be on FB. 13 seems a fine age to start. However, I really do think that solid kids tend to be that way for all kinds of good reasons, and those reasons do not go away because they go on FB or talk on their cell phones, text or whatever.

Dd is 18 and out of the house, so obviously I would not, in any event, be snooping on her social life at this stage. The other day she was on FB (as usual) and aghast at what one of her old class mates had posted, to the point that she showed me. The girl had obviously been hoodwinked by some photographer, who had taken pin-up shots of her. Like a "santa" costume consisting of heels, a red g-string and bra and a santa hat. DD thought the kid was totally stupid for having agreed to do it, but even more stupid for posting the things in a public place. My kid is no saint, but she had pretty good sense at 13, at 16 and it seems to be with her still at 18.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Sat, 01-01-2011 - 5:57am

In Greece a love of breaking the rules is considered an "arvanitiko" trait. Arvanites are descended from tribes of Albanian mercenaries who settled both in Greece and Italy. In Greece they are called "Arvanites," in Southern Italy "Arberesh." In many places they still speak a form of antiquated Albanian, and in Italy there is a small movement to preserve that language. Just recently I came across a new dictionary of Arberesh, that has been published by a scholar of Arberesh origin.

This is also why many Italian-Americans do not speak Italian, because their forebears came from Arberesh villages.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Sat, 01-01-2011 - 6:06am

Until this discussion, I had not really thought about this aspect of FB use, since that kind of monitoring is not common down here. But it is actually quite creepy to think of, for example, dads of teen girls, browsing around the FB pages of 14yo girls. But also a little creepy to think of all the private info a parent could gain that way, info that strictly speaking would be none of that parent's business.

As far as inappropriate things, I never felt the need to monitor private communication to have a clue what was going on. However, I am probably lucky in that dd will simply tell me a lot of what goes on, avoids lying and besides her HS was in the neighborhood and I passed by it several times a day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2010
Sat, 01-01-2011 - 10:13am

But also a little creepy to think of all the private info a parent could gain that way, info that strictly speaking would be none of that parent's business.

I have to disagree. If you are under 18 yrs. old and you are living in my home, it IS my business.

I am tired of hearing of these tragedies of kids drinking and driving, getting killed and the parents crying how "great" their kids were. Really? Where were they when they were drinking and driving or getting in a car that the kid was drinking and driving? I am NOT saying that accidents don't happen and that a parent "might" know what their kids are doing but it is obvious that many parents do NOT know what is going on in their tweens and teenagers lives. I know it is easier to let them do what they want and give them more "freedom" but they are STILL children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Sat, 01-01-2011 - 10:22am

Becareful, pride goeth before a fall.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Sat, 01-01-2011 - 11:08am
mycherubs wrote:

I only started fb 2 years ago. I don't think it was popular before that as I was on myspace then. Your son is 16, right?

'He is 17.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Sat, 01-01-2011 - 11:36am
rollmops2009 wrote:

No, I have not done this, since, like you, I think there is a limit to how far I should invade the privacy of my kid and of her friends. I would only do something like that if my kid had a known and serious problem, like drug use, and even then, not necessarily.

Dd points out that when the phone was invented, parents were no doubt quite nervous about what their kids might talk about on the phone. I don't really see FB and messenger etc as all that different, and just as I do not listen in on her phone calls, I also do not read her emails or snoop on her friends' private FB pages.

ITA!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Sat, 01-01-2011 - 11:38am

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Sat, 01-01-2011 - 11:45am

Yes, that sounds about right (and I too was amused by the definition used to determine FB's popularity), and fits with when dd and her friends started using it. I remember asking dd about Myspace, and getting an eye roll in return.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Sat, 01-01-2011 - 11:47am

"ITA!

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