Thorn in your side Tuesday

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thorn in your side Tuesday
420
Tue, 10-07-2014 - 9:40am

Admit it, There's always going to be somebody, something or something somebody does or says that bothers you.  When that happens how do you deal with it 

 

 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 10:21am

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">iamvelma</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;<strong>What on earth did you do to pisss her off?</strong>  Fake a pregnancy or something?&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>Dated her son, married her son, took a honeymoon, chose to have kids with her son, chose a different name for her child than what she wanted, choose to make meatballs by hand not frozen...  Am I close, Molly?  :D</p>

That's what you are holding onto for all those years?  LoL...how can you take that stuff seriously?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 10:23am

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>Yes, a broken record!  And frankly, the unsolicited advice is nauseating, Lol.</p>

Well then Jams (and molly) stop bringing up on a debate board where as you say, anyting is debatable.  If you can debate someone mentioning something 10+ years ago in an unrelated debate then why wouldn't you expect people to comment on current comments that are on topic?  lol

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 10:24am

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">Yes, a broken record! And frankly the unsolicited advice is nauseating, Lol.</span></p><p><span style="font-size:13px">It is hard to explain but the stories can blow your mind. Why would ANYONE invite that kind of stuff in their lives over and over? The point is it is NOT welcome but that does not mean it is not thrown at you time and time again.</span></p>

It is all in your response and what you are doing is clearly not working for you since you are still holding on to the issues.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 11:18am

It is all in your response and what you are doing is clearly not working for you since you are still holding on to the issues.

The response is always the same to stop and ending the conversation. I don't think you are getting what I have been saying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 11:43am

Molly, you're the one not getting it, lol.

Don't tell her to stop. Don't.engage.at.all. Simply end the conversation, by hanging up the phone or walking away. Period. This applies to ANYONE who brings up the subject, for any reason.

Until you disengage, it will continue. If that's what you want, then keep doing what you have been doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 11:51am

Molly, you're the one not getting it, lol.

Don't tell her to stop. Don't.engage.at.all. Simply end the conversation, by hanging up the phone or walking away. Period. This applies to ANYONE who brings up the subject, for any reason.

Until you disengage, it will continue. If that's what you want, then keep doing what you have been doing.

Again, this is EXACTLY WHAT HAS BEEN DONE.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 12:05pm

If you are asking her to stop, you are engaging.  She probably likes it when you engage, however briefly, because (in her mind) that means she's getting to you.  The key is to not directly address the subject with her, even by saying that you don't want to talk about it (because in her mind, that's you on the defensive, which she digs), to give the impression that it doesn't bother you (even if it does, which I know is really hard) and to make her feel a little silly (which she is) for bringing it up yet AGAIN.  Which brings us back to laughing it off.  

And I know...BELIEVE me....exactly how it is to try to deal with someone like this.  Making it very clear, without sounding defensive or hurt, that you will not be their whipping boy is the trick.  I'm sorry that you're having to deal with it, but I really don't think it's necessarily a lost cause.  

And I really do feel sorry for this person.  I can't imagine having a life so unfulfilled that I had to grasp at decades-old straws in order to get my kicks.  


Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 12:14pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<div><div><div><div><p>Molly, you're the one not getting it, lol.</p><p>Don't tell her to stop. Don't.engage.at.all. Simply end the conversation, by hanging up the phone or walking away. Period. This applies to ANYONE who brings up the subject, for any reason.</p><p>Until you disengage, it will continue. If that's what you want, then keep doing what you have been doing.</p></div></div></div></div><div><strong>Again, this is EXACTLY WHAT HAS BEEN DONE.</strong> </div>

What do you want to happen?

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 12:22pm

Exactly, Lauren1063. 

Molly, you've repeatedly said that you ask her to stop. Don't ask again, simply walk away. Don't talk to your sister, your sil, or anyone else about it. Don't let them talk to you about it. If you've already communicated that, then you can walk away from them too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 12:23pm

Thanks Lauren but unless you are on the other line, you dont see how this is handled. Things from 30 years are brought up too so not just this. Is it everytime? Nope but it mentioned again and again. I do not speak to this person anymore and dont plan to unless I really have to.

Pages