Thorn in your side Tuesday

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thorn in your side Tuesday
420
Tue, 10-07-2014 - 9:40am

Admit it, There's always going to be somebody, something or something somebody does or says that bothers you.  When that happens how do you deal with it 

 

 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:08pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">blackandwhitemolly</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;span&gt;But what do you want to happen? What actions do you want taken?&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;The action of this person to have a normal relationship that takes place in the present and not bring up bad things from the past.&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>And that may never happen b/c to her "normal" is her vindictive and bitter ways and attacks at/about you and about others.  I get it and I get that they live hard and difficult lives, My MIL's history is actually sad. </p><p>The other day I, gasped, asked about my husband's mother b/c I knew it was her birthday, Whatever possessed me to ask I have no clue...  Lol. </p>

Given the behavior here, one has to wonder about the validity of the claims of innocence in any wrong doing.  Is the behavior representative of your or molly's "normal"?  I wonder how much this has changed the both of you over the years, given that neither of you have been able to move past these issues and disengage completely.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:13pm

You may not think that you did anything wrong, but from her perspective, you did. It's your choice not to apologize, but it seems to me that your dh is the one paying the price. 

He really is as she won't let it go but he is the one that knows when to end the conversation. He doesn't try to talk about it but it always seems to come into conversation every once in awhile. She has always tried to put him inbetween us and it took awhile for him to get it (and being away from them helped) how they are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:15pm
blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p><span>But what do you want to happen? What actions do you want taken?</span></p><p>The action of this person to have a normal relationship that takes place in the present and not bring up bad things from the past.</p>

And that may never happen b/c to her "normal" is her vindictive and bitter ways and attacks at/about you and about others.  I get it and I get that they live hard and difficult lives, My MIL's history is actually sad. 

The other day I, gasped, asked about my husband's mother b/c I knew it was her birthday, Whatever possessed me to ask I have no clue...  Lol.

They MAKE their lives hard and difficult. I am sorry. They have made the choices they have TO have those lives.

No, she is not going to change but I am still not going to allow someone to walk all over me and let them tell others that I am a different way than I am.

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:16pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p>I want the past to stay in the past and for them to have a relationship. I cant see that ever happening though.</p>

Forgive but not forget is the motto I pretty much practice about my inlaws. 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:16pm

You don't speak to this person and you don't see others that speak about it....so how exaclty is it still in your life? 

It is my dh's mother. I guess you missed that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:19pm

That's what this is all about, she called you a name?   Who the freak cares at this point, 20 years later?  Why are you giving her the power to be irked and talk about it all the time?

It is not just a name. I would have laughed that off. Again, you had to have missed that post that I said WHY it bothered me so much as I mentioned before.

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:21pm

They MAKE their lives hard and difficult. I am sorry. They have made the choices they have TO have those lives.

That's pretty applicable in general too, I agree.  And you're the victim?  Oh my!  Lol. 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:22pm
iamvelma wrote:
<p>You may not think that you did anything wrong, but from her perspective, you did. It's your choice not to apologize, but it seems to me that your dh is the one paying the price.  </p>

...and perhaps the kids?

The kids have nothing to do with this. Out of sight, out of mind is what has happened there.

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:28pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<blockquote><div><em>iamvelma</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;You may not think that you did anything wrong, but from her perspective, you did. It's your choice not to apologize, but it seems to me that your dh is the one paying the price.  &lt;/p&gt;</blockquote><p>...and perhaps the kids?</p><p>The kids have nothing to do with this. Out of sight, out of mind is what has happened there.</p>

Good for you for not placing the kids in the middle too.  What a thing to say, wow. 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:28pm

Given the behavior here, one has to wonder about the validity of the claims of innocence in any wrong doing.  Is the behavior representative of your or molly's "normal"?  I wonder how much this has changed the both of you over the years, given that neither of you have been able to move past these issues and disengage completely

This started from a then 40 year old controlling, bossy, bully, conniving woman knowing they could take advantage of an innocent 17 year old. It continued because her ways have not changed, nor will they ever.

Pages