Thorn in your side Tuesday

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thorn in your side Tuesday
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Tue, 10-07-2014 - 9:40am

Admit it, There's always going to be somebody, something or something somebody does or says that bothers you.  When that happens how do you deal with it 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:29pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p>You don't speak to this person and you don't see others that speak about it....so how exaclty is it still in your life? </p><p><strong>It is my dh's mother. I guess you missed that?</strong></p>

No I get that....so who is the person who is telling you these things that they shouldn't be telling you, your dh?  Why on earth would your dh pass along this type of stuff to you when he knows it bothers you?  

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:30pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p>That's what this is all about, she called you a name?   Who the freak cares at this point, 20 years later?  Why are you giving her the power to be irked and talk about it all the time?</p><p>It is not just a name. I would have laughed that off. Again, you had to have missed that post that I said WHY it bothered me so much as I mentioned before.</p>

No, I have read your posts, again who cares...it was 20 years ago.  Let it go, it really impacts you and that isn't healthy. 

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:31pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<blockquote><div><em>iamvelma</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;You may not think that you did anything wrong, but from her perspective, you did. It's your choice not to apologize, but it seems to me that your dh is the one paying the price.  &lt;/p&gt;</blockquote><p>...and perhaps the kids?</p><p>The kids have nothing to do with this. Out of sight, out of mind is what has happened there.</p>

So it does impact the kids, that is a shame.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:32pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">blackandwhitemolly</em> wrote:</div>&lt;blockquote&gt;&lt;div&gt;&lt;em&gt;iamvelma&lt;/em&gt; wrote:&lt;/div&gt;&amp;lt;p&amp;gt;You may not think that you did anything wrong, but from her perspective, you did. It's your choice not to apologize, but it seems to me that your dh is the one paying the price.  &amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;&lt;p&gt;...and perhaps the kids?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;The kids have nothing to do with this. Out of sight, out of mind is what has happened there.&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>Good for you for not placing the kids in the middle too.  What a thing to say, wow. </p>

Um jams?  Nobody said anything about putting kids in the middle, stop making stuff up, it does not reflect well on you.  At all.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:34pm
blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<blockquote><div><em>iamvelma</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;You may not think that you did anything wrong, but from her perspective, you did. It's your choice not to apologize, but it seems to me that your dh is the one paying the price.  &lt;/p&gt;</blockquote><p>...and perhaps the kids?</p><p>The kids have nothing to do with this. Out of sight, out of mind is what has happened there.</p>

Good for you for not placing the kids in the middle too.  What a thing to say, wow.

We have tried for many years for the kids to have a relationship. I am told I want to, they are paid attention to for about a half of second and then nothing again. Think my ds will get a call or card or anything for his bday this month? Nope. Just like my dd got nothing for hers. Don't say you DO want a relationship when you put NO effort into it. Out of site, out of mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:35pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:9pt; font-family:Arial, sans-serif">Given the behavior here, one has to wonder about the validity of the claims of innocence in any wrong doing.  Is the behavior representative of your or molly's "normal"?  I wonder how much this has changed the both of you over the years, given that neither of you have been able to move past these issues and disengage completely</span></p><p><span style="font-size:9pt; font-family:Arial, sans-serif"><strong>This started from a then 40 year old controlling, bossy, bully, conniving woman knowing they could take advantage of an innocent 17 year old. It continued because her ways have not changed, nor will they ever.</strong> <br /></span></p>

Given that your behavior here at times is representative of some of the traits you claim she has, I have to wonder how much this has impacted you over the years.  Therapy might be a good idea if you are still holding on to this for 30 years plus.  Thirty plus years is a long time to be dealing with this, with the same results, don't you think it might be time to do something different?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:36pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<blockquote><div><em>blackandwhitemolly</em> wrote:</div>&lt;blockquote&gt;&lt;div&gt;&lt;em&gt;iamvelma&lt;/em&gt; wrote:&lt;/div&gt;&amp;lt;p&amp;gt;You may not think that you did anything wrong, but from her perspective, you did. It's your choice not to apologize, but it seems to me that your dh is the one paying the price.  &amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;&lt;p&gt;...and perhaps the kids?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;The kids have nothing to do with this. Out of sight, out of mind is what has happened there.&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote><p>Good for you for not placing the kids in the middle too.  What a thing to say, wow.</p><p>We have tried for many years for the kids to have a relationship. I am told I want to, they are paid attention to for about a half of second and then nothing again. Think my ds will get a call or card or anything for his bday this month? Nope. Just like my dd got nothing for hers. Don't say you DO want a relationship when you put NO effort into it. Out of site, out of mind.</p>

What do your children do to make an effort to have a relationship with them?  

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:38pm

I see that you're still keeping track of missed birthdays. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:38pm
blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p>You don't speak to this person and you don't see others that speak about it....so how exaclty is it still in your life? </p><p><strong>It is my dh's mother. I guess you missed that?</strong></p>

No I get that....so who is the person who is telling you these things that they shouldn't be telling you, your dh?  Why on earth would your dh pass along this type of stuff to you when he knows it bothers you? 

Again, I am in the SAME room so I can't miss it. And my dh and I share EVERY.THING. If it wasn't for me, he would be living the same life they do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:40pm

No, I have read your posts, again who cares...it was 20 years ago.  Let it go, it really impacts you and that isn't healthy.

If it ended 20 something years ago, I would have let it go ENTIRELY. Because it constantly comes back up, it is hard not too.

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