Thorn in your side Tuesday

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thorn in your side Tuesday
420
Tue, 10-07-2014 - 9:40am

Admit it, There's always going to be somebody, something or something somebody does or says that bothers you.  When that happens how do you deal with it 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:41pm

Aaaaand, there it is.  

"I saved him."

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:42pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p><span>But what do you want to happen? What actions do you want taken?</span></p><p>The action of this person to have a normal relationship that takes place in the present and not bring up bad things from the past.</p>

See? There's your problem. You want THEM to act differently.  You can't change another person's actions.  You can only change your own actions and reactions.

And, as the saying goes "The people in hell want ice water too." 

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:44pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">blackandwhitemolly</em> wrote:</div>&lt;blockquote&gt;&lt;div&gt;&lt;em&gt;iamvelma&lt;/em&gt; wrote:&lt;/div&gt;&amp;lt;p&amp;gt;You may not think that you did anything wrong, but from her perspective, you did. It's your choice not to apologize, but it seems to me that your dh is the one paying the price.  &amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;&lt;p&gt;...and perhaps the kids?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;The kids have nothing to do with this. Out of sight, out of mind is what has happened there.&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>Good for you for not placing the kids in the middle too.  What a thing to say, wow. </p>

No one said Molly was placing the kids in the middle.  But you can't seriously believe that if a child's mother and grandmother had a great relationship thta it wouldn't enhance that child's life.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:46pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<blockquote><div><em>blackandwhitemolly</em> wrote:</div>&lt;blockquote&gt;&lt;div&gt;&lt;em&gt;iamvelma&lt;/em&gt; wrote:&lt;/div&gt;&amp;lt;p&amp;gt;You may not think that you did anything wrong, but from her perspective, you did. It's your choice not to apologize, but it seems to me that your dh is the one paying the price.  &amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;&lt;p&gt;...and perhaps the kids?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;The kids have nothing to do with this. Out of sight, out of mind is what has happened there.&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote><p>Good for you for not placing the kids in the middle too.  What a thing to say, wow.</p><p>We have tried for many years for the kids to have a relationship. I am told I want to, they are paid attention to for about a half of second and then nothing again. Think my ds will get a call or card or anything for his bday this month? Nope. Just like my dd got nothing for hers. Don't say you DO want a relationship when you put NO effort into it. Out of site, out of mind.</p>

So, the kids ARE paying the price for this rift.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:47pm
blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<blockquote><div><em>iamvelma</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;You may not think that you did anything wrong, but from her perspective, you did. It's your choice not to apologize, but it seems to me that your dh is the one paying the price.  &lt;/p&gt;</blockquote><p>...and perhaps the kids?</p><p>The kids have nothing to do with this. Out of sight, out of mind is what has happened there.</p>

So it does impact the kids, that is a shame.

Yes and no. It impacts US but they don't really know or care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:48pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<blockquote><div><em>blackandwhitemolly</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;You don't speak to this person and you don't see others that speak about it....so how exaclty is it still in your life? &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;It is my dh's mother. I guess you missed that?&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote><p>No I get that....so who is the person who is telling you these things that they shouldn't be telling you, your dh?  Why on earth would your dh pass along this type of stuff to you when he knows it bothers you? </p><p><strong>Again, I am in the SAME room so I can't miss it. And my dh and I share EVERY.THING. If it wasn't for me, he would be living the same life they do.</strong> </p>

You are in the same room when your dh talks to her or in the same room with her?  Why your dh needs to share with you something that hurts you is something that I don't understand.  Why would he share something that he knows will hurt you?    Of course, you are his savior from those horrible people that you don't want a relationship with but still want to try over and over again, despite the pain that it costs your family, you are just a victim!!  baer.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:48pm

Given that your behavior here at times is representative of some of the traits you claim she has, I have to wonder how much this has impacted you over the years.  Therapy might be a good idea if you are still holding on to this for 30 years plus.  Thirty plus years is a long time to be dealing with this, with the same results, don't you think it might be time to do something different?

Ok, you are not even reading my posts. I don't even KNOW my dh 30 years lolololol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:49pm

What do your children do to make an effort to have a relationship with them?  '

I am not going to answer that as I am not getting into things that have to do with my children here like that. Thanks for understanding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:49pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p>No, I have read your posts, again who cares...it was 20 years ago.  Let it go, it really impacts you and that isn't healthy.</p><p><strong>If it ended 20 something years ago, I would have let it go ENTIRELY. Because it constantly comes back up, it is hard not too.</strong> </p>

Then stop already, you are not changing your pattern of behavior either, so why do you think it will magically stop?  Omg, I can't imagine living with this for 30 years and letting it bother me so much, life is way too short for this type of stuff, imo.  I feel sorry for  both sides of this situation and all involved.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 1:50pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<blockquote><div><em>blackandwhitemolly</em> wrote:</div>&lt;blockquote&gt;&lt;div&gt;&lt;em&gt;iamvelma&lt;/em&gt; wrote:&lt;/div&gt;&amp;lt;p&amp;gt;You may not think that you did anything wrong, but from her perspective, you did. It's your choice not to apologize, but it seems to me that your dh is the one paying the price.  &amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;&lt;p&gt;...and perhaps the kids?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;The kids have nothing to do with this. Out of sight, out of mind is what has happened there.&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote><p>So it does impact the kids, that is a shame.</p><p><strong>Yes and no. It impacts US but they don't really know or care.</strong></p>

They don't know or care about their grandparents?   Why?

PumpkinAngel

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