Thorn in your side Tuesday

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thorn in your side Tuesday
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Tue, 10-07-2014 - 9:40am

Admit it, There's always going to be somebody, something or something somebody does or says that bothers you.  When that happens how do you deal with it 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 2:30pm

Okay...almost 30 years, insert eye roll here.  17+30=47 and you are in your 40's.

Again, you didn't read my post as I was talking about other things with the 30 years. This story is outside of that.

But way to miss the point molly, again.  See, this is why I have a hard time believing the complete innocence on your part

I know what happened as I was there, you were not.

I can imagine talking with you can be as frustrating in real life as it is here at times.

DIT.TO

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 2:32pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p>You are in the same room when your dh talks to her or in the same room with her?  Why your dh needs to share with you something that hurts you is something that I don't understand.  Why would he share something that he knows will hurt you?    Of course, you are his savior from those horrible people that you don't want a relationship with but still want to try over and over again, despite the pain that it costs your family, you are just a victim!!  baer.</p><p>Really? I guess you don't get that my house is just a little small and that you hear everything lololol AND as I said before, he is NOT going to share that type of info with me. It doesn't "hurt" me, it bothers me that someone would continue with such crap after so many years and still believe that they are right. Guess it must be the bullying trait in this person and that they are a stubborn Italian. lol.</p>

Umm yeah, my stubborn italian mil pulled a lot of crap in the past.  But not with me, only my sil.  My dh would have told her the first time to shut the f**k up and she knew it.  His brother would not stand up to her, so there was a rift for 30 years where mil treated dil like crap.  The only reason mil actually behaved at their wedding is my dh took control of the situation.  She didn't like dil because she was a different religion.  But there were other things she didn't like, religiion was just the excuse becuase my mil was not very religious, never attends church, yadda yadda.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 3:08pm

Thanks Savcal but it is WAY beyond that now and I would rather just have no relationship at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 3:09pm
blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p>What do your children do to make an effort to have a relationship with them?  '</p><p><strong>I am not going to answer that as I am not getting into things that have to do with my children here like that. Thanks for understanding.</strong></p>

Ah huh...relationships are two way streets and if you can't expect to have a relationship when boths sides aren't willing to do the work and given that you have said they don't know or care...that speaks volumes.

You have refused to speak about your children. I am doing so now. Please respect that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 3:12pm

Really? I guess you don't get that my house is just a little small and that you hear everything lololol AND as I said before, he is NOT going to share that type of info with me. It doesn't "hurt" me, it bothers me that someone would continue with such crap after so many years and still believe that they are right. Guess it must be the bullying trait in this person and that they are a stubborn Italian. lol.</p>

That is not nice, I can't believe your dh would do that to you over and over and over again.  You need to tell him to stop, that would help this situation in the long run, he is making it worse by continuing to keep telling you these negative things. 

Is that ALL you got out of my post? SMH. Did you miss my post about my MIL goal to try and have us divorced too? This is not your average ordinary woman here. Seems you keep pointing the finger at me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 3:13pm

But the fact that they haven't changed their actions continues to cause you distress. So quit expecting them to behave better. And maybe you won't have any more distress about it!

Oh, I know it is a lost cause. That is why I don't have a relationship with them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 3:15pm

Umm yeah, my stubborn italian mil pulled a lot of crap in the past.  But not with me, only my sil.  My dh would have told her the first time to shut the f**k up and she knew it.  His brother would not stand up to her, so there was a rift for 30 years where mil treated dil like crap.  The only reason mil actually behaved at their wedding is my dh took control of the situation.  She didn't like dil because she was a different religion.  But there were other things she didn't like, religiion was just the excuse becuase my mil was not very religious, never attends church, yadda yadda.

Ugghh...sounds like fun lol. I am lucky that my dh does stand up for me but that doesn't mean she will stop. Some people are just like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 3:20pm

<<Again, you didn't read my post as I was talking about other things with the 30 years. This story is outside of that.>>

I did read, you said a 17 year old.

<<I know what happened as I was there, you were not. >>

Remember that the next time you tell me that you are "sure" that something happened a certain way in my life, lol.  You are still missing the point, that is very common in discussions here, food for thought there molls.

<<I can imagine talking with you can be as frustrating in real life as it is here at times.

DIT.TO>>

....and yet, I don't have 20 year old problems with people.  Go figure that.  Wink

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 3:22pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<blockquote><div><em>blackandwhitemolly</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;What do your children do to make an effort to have a relationship with them?  '&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;I am not going to answer that as I am not getting into things that have to do with my children here like that. Thanks for understanding.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote><p>Ah huh...relationships are two way streets and if you can't expect to have a relationship when boths sides aren't willing to do the work and given that you have said they don't know or care...that speaks volumes.</p><p><strong>You have refused to speak about your children. I am doing so now. Please respect that.</strong></p>

I wasn't speaking about your kids, it was a generic statement about the entire situation.  You missed the point again Molly. 

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 3:27pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p><strong>Really? I guess you don't get that my house is just a little small and that you hear everything lololol AND as I said before, he is NOT going to share that type of info with me. It doesn't "hurt" me, it bothers me that someone would continue with such crap after so many years and still believe that they are right. Guess it must be the bullying trait in this person and that they are a stubborn Italian. lol.&lt;/p&gt;</strong></p><p>That is not nice, I can't believe your dh would do that to you over and over and over again.  You need to tell him to stop, that would help this situation in the long run, he is making it worse by continuing to keep telling you these negative things. </p><p><strong>Is that ALL you got out of my post? SMH</strong>. <strong>Did you miss my post about my MIL goal to try and have us divorced too? This is not your average ordinary woman here.</strong> <strong>Seems you keep pointing the finger at me.</strong> </p>

Yea, I read that...I can't believe you are taking that seriously after all those years.  I can't believe your dh tells you that stuff she says, that is part of the problem, clearly.  What I am saying, that you keep missing the point of, is that if you want the results to change then something has to change.  Your mil isn't going to change, therefore if you want different results than you and your dh have to change your reactions and clearly it's not working for him to tell you the crap she says about you.  

All of you are doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  

PumpkinAngel

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