Thorn in your side Tuesday
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Thorn in your side Tuesday
| Tue, 10-07-2014 - 9:40am |
Admit it, There's always going to be somebody, something or something somebody does or says that bothers you. When that happens how do you deal with it

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It takes two to have a relationship, by definition jams.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/relationship
re·la·tion·ship
noun \-shən-ˌship\
: the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other
: a romantic or sexual friendship between two people
: the way in which two or more people or things are connected
PumpkinAngel
My children have a relationship with their grandparents where I'm not really involved, they talk and communicate with each other and have for years without me. They have developed their relationship together, just as I did as a child with my relatives.
PumpkinAngel
Actually relationships take two people who want to work together to form that relationship, it requires effort on both parts.
Disclaimer: This is a generic statement about relationships, not specific to children.
PumpkinAngel
Actually relationships take two people who want to work together to form that relationship, it requires effort on both parts.
Disclaimed: This is a generic statement about relationships, not specific to children.
Yep it does but MOST LIKELY the ADULT will start one with the child SINCE they can't talk or know how to do that at an early age. An adult will take the time to form that relationship. You can't ask a child who is older to start something with basically a total stranger who truly didn't want to know them as if they did, they would have years before.
I agree with both you and cantbewrong here. I can't think of bonding that ever formed with inlaws and they saw a lot of one sidedness and efforts in continuing the relationship, Our kdis are teenagers and a pre-teen now and it would probably be fair to say they are indifferent about the relatonship with my husband's side, I/we purposely keep themaway from any strife or conflict (my over-protective self is to blame for that, Lol) but they have questioned some things. Honestly, I will take to my grave why they've done and said some things that I can't imagine family ever doing at eachother but that is just me. In the end, they will have thier own memories and remember their own things as have I.
So what does your dh say when you mil starts in on whatever it is that she starts in on? Ignore her? Walk way? Change the subject? Throw her out of your house? I thought you didn't see this person who brings up this problem every few months, but now it's your mil who comes to your house on these occasions.</p><pI think you need to re-read my posts too as I never said she comes to my house on these occasions. You definitely had a post that mentioned your house was small and you couldn't avoid hearing. That's what made me think that she might be coming to your house. Because you mentioned it.
She has been at my house I think 2 times in the last 16 years, maybe about 10 years ago was the last time. She has met my ds ONCE. I think she has seen my dd 3 times. At 1 1/2, at 3 and then around 6 or 7 years old
What are you doing while she is in your house talking to your dh?</p><p><strong>See above</strong></p><p>I think your dh needs to quit defending you and tell her to leave when she starts in and not engage "my wife is not that bad" or "my wife never did that" or whatever.</p><p><strong>When did I say that is what he did. I didn't and you are making things up. Yes those were examples/guesses of what me might be saying. I never made up that he did, I added "or whatever"
</strong></p><p>Literally with this person my dh would have kicked her out the first time and told her not to come back until she can act decently and not bring up crap. And you know my dh if from your people, lol. </p><p><strong>MY people? What does that even mean? I would not categorize myself as the same as my MIL and I would appreciated no one else did either.
Um yes your people as in you know my dh is ALSO from Long Island his family is ALSO Italian and you mentioned stubborn Italians. That did not mean that everyone is like your mil.
“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.”
― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief
Yep it does but MOST LIKELY the ADULT will start one with the child SINCE they can't talk or know how to do that at an early age. An adult will take the time to form that relationship. You can't ask a child who is older to start something with basically a total stranger who truly didn't want to know them as if they did, they would have years before.
Well said. ITA.
Sure you can, if a older child or teen wants a relationship with a realtive, why on earth couldn't they make the effort first? I would highly encourage my teens to make the effort if they wished for a relationship that they don't have already. You betcha, I would support and encourage them to reach out and make the effort, in a heart beat....and that is regardless of how "I" personally felt about the person. But then again, my kids don't really know if I have a negative view of any of their/our relatives.
PumpkinAngel
Tangential thought: I was thinking how sometimes my kids will text my mom and I don't even know about the conversation. I love that. but then that made me think about how my kids will sometimes have a conversation, via text or FB or whatever, with *MY* friends, or with the parents of their friends. By the same token, I have conversations with my kids' friends. I love that we're all able to form our own individual relationships, even though that relationshipt started through someone else.
"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1
Yes my mom had to learn how to text, so she can keep up with my kids. : ) They just all talk & text directly now.
“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.”
― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief
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