Thorn in your side Tuesday

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thorn in your side Tuesday
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Tue, 10-07-2014 - 9:40am

Admit it, There's always going to be somebody, something or something somebody does or says that bothers you.  When that happens how do you deal with it 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 5:03pm

<<I never said otherwise. I would think in most cases that there was a reason why they didn't have one in the first place and it is usually the adults fault and never wanted to have one.>>

Yes, you did...you said you can't ask an older child to start something and I'm saying sure you can.  It doesn't matter the reasons or excuses, you can certainly ask an older chlid to start a relationship if they want one where one doesn't exsist.  

You CAN but most likely at that point, and no, not in EVERY circumstance, there was a reason to begin with why they didn't have a relationship years before.

<<Neither do mine and this person is basically a stranger to them, BECAUSE of the actions of that person, not THEM.>>

If you can hear what she is saying to your dh on the phone in your little house, why can't your kids?  I'm not interested in the actions of others and placing blame as you are, if the child wants a relationship, I would highly encourage them to reach out, even if they were basically strangers.

They have NO clue what he is speaking about as there is no need to go into details with them. They have been encouraged and given many chances to reach out. It has never worked out and not for any doing of their own.

<<A child should not be treated like an adult and an adult should be putting a child FIRST over their own selfish needs.>>

Nobody said anything about treating a child like an adult.

I just did. An adult should act like an adult, not like a child. The child shouldn't be the one who has to act like an adult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 5:12pm

<<You CAN but most likely at that point, and no, not in EVERY circumstance, there was a reason to begin with why they didn't have a relationship years before.>>

That's not relevant and just another excuse.  I wouldn't really talk about those with my child, I would just encourage them, I'm a half full glass type of person, not a half empty looking for any excuse or reason under the sun not to do something type of person.  We are different people, so we look at things differently.

<<They have NO clue what he is speaking about as there is no need to go into details with them. They have been encouraged and given many chances to reach out. It has never worked out and not for any doing of their own.>>

But you know exactly what is going on and when dh tells you, they don't hear that either...do you really expect people to believe that your house is small and you can hear everything or dh tells you everything and then the house grows so the kids don't know what's going on?  Really?

<<I just did. An adult should act like an adult, not like a child. The child shouldn't be the one who has to act like an adult.>>

Attempting relationships and growing relationships are not limited to aduts, ime.  ymmv of course.




PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 5:33pm

Molly, you have not shared how your dh deals with his mother.  Just that he tells her to stop and she hangs up ... at least I assume that you were talking about your dh then....

My in-laws have learned to text, for no other reason than to communicate with the grandchildren. My kids have their own relationships with their ggrandparent, aunts, uncles and cousins. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 6:30pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p><em>And my mom doesn't even have a smartphone.  She is texting with an old phone, no Qwerty keyboard.  </em></p><p>Wow, I am impressed.  Not even I learned the old way to text as I went straight to texting keyboard style when I upgraded my phone to an iphone, Lol.   </p>

Yes when I had that old style of phone, I barely ever sent any texts.  Too time consuming!  Well she is retired...not much else to do!

 : )

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 6:33pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p>Ok never mind.  200 posts of "you are not reading my posts" without actually adding any information is tres boring.</p><p><strong>I did post it. Sorry you don't find the need to find it.</strong></p><p> I'm sorry you can't understand logic and that different parts of the country have different cultures.  Maybe you haven't traveled enough.  (Another boring topic where you explain you have been on many cruises).  And I never said <span style="text-decoration:underline">all</span> people adapt to the  local culture when they move.  Some do, some don't.  No all or nothing thinking here.</p><p><strong>AND I have explained that the "culture" where my MIL is not the same, in your definition because she doesn't live near me or where your dh's family comes from. So I guess she just hasn't adapted after 22 years SMH.</strong></p>

No you don't get the point, you haven't added any extra information.  Now that I know it's your dh & your evil mil is the one that keeps bringing it up, I asked what he says when she brings it up.  You just said he defended you.  So that's not much info.

I wasn't specifically talking about just where you mil lives and I don't care where she lives now.  Her evil drama ways do not having anything to do with the culture where you grew up, it's in her personality.  What I meant is you and your family and your dh and his family in general (did he grow up in that area--you did mention she was Italian and you met him at a young age so I'm thinking he grew up in NY and/or LI.  How everyone deals with eachother and talks to eachother, not just what the evil mil does & her evil ways.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 7:06pm

<<You CAN but most likely at that point, and no, not in EVERY circumstance, there was a reason to begin with why they didn't have a relationship years before.>>

That's not relevant and just another excuse.  I wouldn't really talk about those with my child, I would just encourage them, I'm a half full glass type of person, not a half empty looking for any excuse or reason under the sun not to do something type of person.  We are different people, so we look at things differently.

I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and did with her in the beginning and many times in the past 20 something years. I wouldn't tell my kids they can't have a relationship but they have not been interested as of yet as they don't know her and I WOULD protect my kids at every cost so, yes, they TRULY wanted this, I WOULD discourage them. I would rather not go into why so please do NOT ask me and please do not go on and on about it and how horrible I am. 

<<They have NO clue what he is speaking about as there is no need to go into details with them. They have been encouraged and given many chances to reach out. It has never worked out and not for any doing of their own.>>

But you know exactly what is going on and when dh tells you, they don't hear that either...do you really expect people to believe that your house is small and you can hear everything or dh tells you everything and then the house grows so the kids don't know what's going on?  Really?

We don't talk in front of the kids with certain matters. It CAN be done. You have never talked with your dh about important things without the kids hearing?

<<I just did. An adult should act like an adult, not like a child. The child shouldn't be the one who has to act like an adult.>>

Attempting relationships and growing relationships are not limited to aduts, ime.  ymmv of course.

You really don't get it. Some adults are VERY selfish and only think about themselves. Grandparents USUALLY think of their grandkids FIRST, not themselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 7:08pm

Molly, you have not shared how your dh deals with his mother.  Just that he tells her to stop and she hangs up ... at least I assume that you were talking about your dh then....

If it gets that far, yes he disengages her. 

My in-laws have learned to text, for no other reason than to communicate with the grandchildren. My kids have their own relationships with their ggrandparent, aunts, uncles and cousins. 

That is great. Not all grandparents are interested in having a relationship with their grandkids. This woman has 6 grandchildren. Only 2 of them know her because she has no interest in knowing the rest of them even though all of the other 4 have tried. Sad, very sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 7:09pm
amblessedthree wrote:
<p><em>And my mom doesn't even have a smartphone.  She is texting with an old phone, no Qwerty keyboard.  </em></p><p>Wow, I am impressed.  Not even I learned the old way to text as I went straight to texting keyboard style when I upgraded my phone to an iphone, Lol.   </p>

Yes when I had that old style of phone, I barely ever sent any texts.  Too time consuming!  Well she is retired...not much else to do!

 : )

Really? My mom is retired and she does more now than she did while she was working and truly enjoys herself. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013
Thu, 10-09-2014 - 7:10pm

    I wasn't specifically talking about just where you mil lives and I don't care where she lives now.  Her evil drama ways do not having anything to do with the culture where you grew up, it's in her personality.  What I meant is you and your family and your dh and his family in general (did he grow up in that area--you did mention she was Italian and you met him at a young age so I'm thinking he grew up in NY and/or LI.  How everyone deals with eachother and talks to eachother, not just what the evil mil does & her evil ways.

    And so you think that is a NY thing? Gotcha. SMH

    iVillage Member
    Registered: 02-24-2010
    Thu, 10-09-2014 - 7:19pm

    blackandwhitemolly wrote:
    <blockquote><div style="font-weight:bold"><em>amblessedthree</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;And my mom doesn't even have a smartphone.  She is texting with an old phone, no Qwerty keyboard.  &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Wow, I am impressed.  Not even I learned the old way to text as I went straight to texting keyboard style when I upgraded my phone to an iphone, Lol.   &lt;/p&gt;</blockquote><p style="font-size:13px"></p><p style="font-size:13px">Yes when I had that old style of phone, I barely ever sent any texts.  Too time consuming!  Well she is retired...not much else to do!</p><p style="font-size:13px"> : )</p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong>Really? My mom is retired and she does more now than she did while she was working and truly enjoys herself. </strong></p>

    Well I was joking a bit.  My mom enjoys spending time with her grandchildren and interacting with them.  She is retired and has more time than ME to sit around double & triple pushing buttons to text her grandaughters to talk to them.  

    “Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
    ― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

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