Toddler discipline

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Toddler discipline
881
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:18am
Okay. Let me start off by saying that I swatted Aspen on the behind yesterday and I am none too happy about it.

I was NOT going to be a parent who spanked...and then this horrible toddler-itis reared it's ugly head and I just don't know what to do! I am looking for advice, anything that *works*.

Scenario: Aspen's been kicking me during diaper changes since before Vivi was born. She's too big for the changing table, so changes take place on the floor or the bed and she is always kicking all over the place. So, for months, I've been working with the firm "NO!" and holding her legs still. That worked for a little while. Then, it was "No, you are hurting mommy." That never seemed to get through. So, yesterday, I told her, "Stop kicking or I'm going to spank your bottom." and she wouldn't stop so I swatted her one. She cried and I felt nothing but a rush of confusion...."What am I doing? She's just going to learn to hit! I am awful!" And on and on.

I seriously cannot think of anything else to do! It's not the kicking itself that's a major problem...it's that she is willfully, knowingly, still kicking when told not to. I know she is just asserting herself, but she needs to learn to listen, right? I can't put her in "timeout" (because where would I put her? In her crib? Do I want her to associate the crib with punishment?) I can't take away a toy because the value/association is not there yet.

Need advice! I am SUCH a newbie! Dh and I are both like, "What do we do?" We don't know! Oh, life was a lot easier for my parents! Just spank 'em and be done...none of this all-consuming self-doubt.

Meldi

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:59pm
Well then my children will just have to suffer without hugs and snuggles between bedtime and 7 am.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 1:00pm
Sorry, nope still can't go for it. There are plenty of 3 year olds with no special needs and no unusual habits or conditions who have very sound reasons for why they feel they need their parents in the middle of the night. Whether or not parents think those reasons are good enough for them to be disturbed is another story...I felt that the reasons were good enough and acted accordingly.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 1:02pm
Well, if my kids wake up (woke up) lonely or hungry I DO want to know about it, because to me, that's an indication that something is wrong and needs to change. If my child is hungry at night, he's either going through a growth spurt and needs a quick snack plus a rethinking of his daytime diet, or there is something else wrong. Like maybe the lunch lady in the cafeteria wouldn't let him finish his lunch because he was playing with his food and he was afraid to tell me because he thought (correctly!) that he might get in more trouble and a 3 am chat might reveal that information? Might sound preposterous, but it happens. And a child waking up at night lonely is a pretty good indication that something is wrong during the day. And when something is wrong with my kid, I want to know about it, even if he isn't mature enough or rational enough or motivated enough to let me know during the maternally approved hours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 1:03pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 1:05pm
Most children are. A few aren't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 1:07pm
Great.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 1:08pm
Well mine are, so therefore there's no need to wake me up now is there?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 1:11pm
Not that it matters much, but it was the older one who weaned so late. The little guy slept through the night when he was four months old and has seldom wakened at night since, and self-weaned before he was 16 months old. He also hated co-sleeping as a baby. Go figure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 1:15pm
Didn't you say that old of your kids woke you up in the middle of the night twice last week but you had no earthly clue why? Was that the one who was coming down with the cold, or does he just wake up for "no reason"?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 1:16pm
Isn't that normal? Both of mine went through that sort of thing every time the decided to reduce daytime sleep...they days they'd sleep long, they'd be up till midnight. And they'd still wake up same time in the am. Sleep less, then asleep on the way home from daycare. Good thing. If they had adjusted their nightime sleep hours every time they reduced their daytime sleep hours, they'd have be up all night and asleep all day by the age of 3. Most noticable was the drop of the last nap. They got it sorted out pretty quickly though. However, if I was fairly sure my child was waking up at 6:30am when they really needed more sleep...not as a result of yet another baby self imposed schedual rearrangement...I'd probably look at diet. Something waking that child up when they'd rather sleep...maybe a tummy ache? Have you considered lactose intolerance in this child? When she stayed up late, was she eating just before bed?

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