Toddler discipline

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Toddler discipline
881
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:18am
Okay. Let me start off by saying that I swatted Aspen on the behind yesterday and I am none too happy about it.

I was NOT going to be a parent who spanked...and then this horrible toddler-itis reared it's ugly head and I just don't know what to do! I am looking for advice, anything that *works*.

Scenario: Aspen's been kicking me during diaper changes since before Vivi was born. She's too big for the changing table, so changes take place on the floor or the bed and she is always kicking all over the place. So, for months, I've been working with the firm "NO!" and holding her legs still. That worked for a little while. Then, it was "No, you are hurting mommy." That never seemed to get through. So, yesterday, I told her, "Stop kicking or I'm going to spank your bottom." and she wouldn't stop so I swatted her one. She cried and I felt nothing but a rush of confusion...."What am I doing? She's just going to learn to hit! I am awful!" And on and on.

I seriously cannot think of anything else to do! It's not the kicking itself that's a major problem...it's that she is willfully, knowingly, still kicking when told not to. I know she is just asserting herself, but she needs to learn to listen, right? I can't put her in "timeout" (because where would I put her? In her crib? Do I want her to associate the crib with punishment?) I can't take away a toy because the value/association is not there yet.

Need advice! I am SUCH a newbie! Dh and I are both like, "What do we do?" We don't know! Oh, life was a lot easier for my parents! Just spank 'em and be done...none of this all-consuming self-doubt.

Meldi

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:04pm

Yes, for the record I would have. . .and have. . .adapted to having a child who went to sleep earlier and woke up earlier.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:06pm

9 pm is not early for a baby.


I mean, as in 7 pm.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:08pm

Uh, she's 6 1/2 years old. . .she's not a baby.


I edited my reply while you were replying to it.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:12pm

And why would her sister's bedtime have to be adapted to coincide with a 7pm bedtime for her?


While we ate dinner earlier. . .at 5-5:30 pm, her sister didn't go to sleep earlier just because Gillie did.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:20pm
I'm sure its not. But the world is full of adults who don't need anything like that. Certainly not after years of parenting. I think if you were saying you used your method because you, as the mother, had sleep problems, you'd have very few people having much to say about it. But you have to realize, you are trying to define a perfectly normal, widespread element of child development, and of parenting as a problem in general - when it just is not. It might be for YOU. But you aren't typical.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:25pm
I used the sleep schedule I did to minimize the number of nightwakings towards the lower end of the normal range for my children, for their benefit as well as mine.

Edited to add:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:38pm
But if they call out for you at night, you go to them, right? You never forced CIO. You're a concerned parent day and night. The difference may be that you're unwilling to let them in your bed. You respond lovingly, just in a different way than a co-sleeping parent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:46pm
What do you mean by "acted accordingly?" Do you think parents who do sleep training ignore their children when they call out at night?

When my kids awaken at night, I don't ignore them out of a desire to get back to sleep since it's so rare.

DOes it make for better parenting to allow an awakened 3 yr-old into the parents' bed so he can get back to sleep? Or is it still good parenting to snuggle and get the child back to bed without leaving his room? That's what I do. I usually use the rocking chair, even with my 3 yr-old, if she needs to be held.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:46pm
I gave up

undisturbed sleep

unstructured eating schedules

veggies and rice as a diner staple

condo living

downtown living

cycling

including a cycling, running and swimming workout all in the same day

working out at work

going to grownup movies on a regular basis

going to grownup anything on a regular basis

my rx7

riding my motorcycle

wall decor that involved mick jaggers image - or well - a good number of other attractive male images

free reign over whats playing on the dvd

the option of ever having sex that invoved mystery and discovery of a brand new man ever ever ever again

my dogless state

my ratless state

my gerbiless life

my mouse free existence

any hope of every having more than 3 cats

and much more I'm sure...just for the sheer pleasure and delight of having a loving family with which to share my life. What was that first thing again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:57pm
No you aren't. Any more than someone who is overweight at 39 is going to loose weight. If they proclaim "I'm not gonna become an athelete at this point, nor am I going to work 2 or 3 snatches of excercise into my week".

You are still trying hard...but most parents aren't night people and they don't have your difficulties. It doesn't take "becomming a night person" anymore than lossing weight requires "becoming an athlete". All in all...fairly minor adjustments are required. The biggest road block to either - is the mental one.

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