Toddler discipline

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Toddler discipline
881
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:18am
Okay. Let me start off by saying that I swatted Aspen on the behind yesterday and I am none too happy about it.

I was NOT going to be a parent who spanked...and then this horrible toddler-itis reared it's ugly head and I just don't know what to do! I am looking for advice, anything that *works*.

Scenario: Aspen's been kicking me during diaper changes since before Vivi was born. She's too big for the changing table, so changes take place on the floor or the bed and she is always kicking all over the place. So, for months, I've been working with the firm "NO!" and holding her legs still. That worked for a little while. Then, it was "No, you are hurting mommy." That never seemed to get through. So, yesterday, I told her, "Stop kicking or I'm going to spank your bottom." and she wouldn't stop so I swatted her one. She cried and I felt nothing but a rush of confusion...."What am I doing? She's just going to learn to hit! I am awful!" And on and on.

I seriously cannot think of anything else to do! It's not the kicking itself that's a major problem...it's that she is willfully, knowingly, still kicking when told not to. I know she is just asserting herself, but she needs to learn to listen, right? I can't put her in "timeout" (because where would I put her? In her crib? Do I want her to associate the crib with punishment?) I can't take away a toy because the value/association is not there yet.

Need advice! I am SUCH a newbie! Dh and I are both like, "What do we do?" We don't know! Oh, life was a lot easier for my parents! Just spank 'em and be done...none of this all-consuming self-doubt.

Meldi

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 5:18pm

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Does that mean you stay there the rest of the night, or just until they fall back asleep?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 6:11pm
i need help with this one 2
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 8:14pm
Hi, I can relate to your situation. I tried many things but finally came across one method that seemed to calm my baby girl down. I think it was the fact that I diverted her attention. I play music. I recently came across a great CD that she seemed receptive to, called For the Kids Too. I gave it a shot after I saw it advertised on another mom site. She absolutely loves it! She even tries to sing along and I'm sure one day the words will come out of her mouth!

Worth trying at least.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 8:22pm
But will they feel free to come to you with their problems WHEN they have problems?

I mean, it's your loss and all, but I REALLY don't think you grasp the significance of what you're pissing away because you can't be bothered to give up a couple hours' sleep in this tiny little season of your life. You'll have your whole life to make up that time once the kids are older and don't need as much interactive night time parenting; the time we're talking about is barely a blip on the radar screen.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 8:35pm
Well, he couldn't, could he? because if he had, PNJ would constantly be telling us about how bedtimes have to change every spring/fall for Daylight Savings Time.

See, her/his entire argument is presumably based on the miraculous properties inherent in 7pm. Now...if 7pm really did everything he's claiming, then 7pm during Daylight Savings Time (really 6pm according to "true" time) would cause instant and CONSTANT sleep issues throughout the summer...issues that would NEVER iron out until Daylight Savings Time ended. Why? Because Daylight Savings Time is an artificial manipulation of time, and if, as the supposed argument goes, 7pm is miraculous based on some kind of lame evolutionary theory about human sleep patterns, it would be based on issues of light/dark, etc. And Daylight Savings Time would throw human biological sleep patterns into chaos, by forcing a child to sleep when it wasn't "optimum."

But we don't hear about how DST screws up PNJ's carefully orchestrated sleep disciplines for her kids....at least not to any extent that isn't completely and fully accounted for by simple jet lag solutions....i.e., gradual adjustment to the new time.

In other words, the theory is completely debunked by DST, because no parent could follow the sanctity of 7pm bedtimes through DST. That PNJ (and presumably others) navigate through DST and the return to normal timekeeping with nothing more than the 2 to 3 week adjustment that one sees when dealing with jet lag simply proves that the Weissbluth theory is nothing more than a fanciful fairy tale told to parents who want to believe there's a magic one-size-fits-all solution to sleep.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 8:49pm
Not at all as I remember it. Naptime and bed times were never forced on DS. He NEEDED them to function. My cousins had a choice of skipping a nap and letting DS stay up until all hours and having him be crabby OR putting him down for a nap and at a reasonable hour at night. On second thought, they didn't have a choice. It was my choice because it wasn't just DS' vacation, it was mine and DH's too. The first time we visited without kids, they had a newborn. HIS schedule didn't bother us either.

If anything, THEIR need to lay down for goodness knows how long to get their kids to sleep took away from the adults spending time together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 9:03pm
I have a giant monitor lizard.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
In reply to: meldi
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 11:58pm
And it was important to us that if they preferred to not sleep alone they had that choice. If they woke up in the middle of the night needing to cuddle up and sleep with someone else, that was a good enough reason for us and a real need for them. Ds discovered that he preferred to sleep by himself when he was about 3. He still sometimes woke up in the night needing something or other but he alwys prefers to stay in his own bed. Dd took a bit longer, around 4. She occasionally still prefers to come into our bed, I figure she'll grow out of that sometime. Since waking to come into our bed took all of two minutes, neither I nor the children found it to be disruptive of our sleep or a bad habit to be avoided.

Obviously, people have different opinions on this subject. For us, personally, being flexible about co-sleeping meant that we all slept very well pretty much from the time the kids were born and continue to all sleep very well now(well, the first 6 weeks were tough, but both of my kids had days and nights mixed...as soon as that was sorted they slept very well). Co-sleeping doesn't work out that way for everyone, there is no single "correct" way to handle children's sleeping patterns because there is no such thing as a single sleeping pattern that all children follow.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:03am
I agree (and I think I forgot to answer your earlier post - yes, we do go in to the children when they call for us at night, each time).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:04am
I put them to bed at 7 pm, current time.

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