Toddler discipline
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| Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:18am |
I was NOT going to be a parent who spanked...and then this horrible toddler-itis reared it's ugly head and I just don't know what to do! I am looking for advice, anything that *works*.
Scenario: Aspen's been kicking me during diaper changes since before Vivi was born. She's too big for the changing table, so changes take place on the floor or the bed and she is always kicking all over the place. So, for months, I've been working with the firm "NO!" and holding her legs still. That worked for a little while. Then, it was "No, you are hurting mommy." That never seemed to get through. So, yesterday, I told her, "Stop kicking or I'm going to spank your bottom." and she wouldn't stop so I swatted her one. She cried and I felt nothing but a rush of confusion...."What am I doing? She's just going to learn to hit! I am awful!" And on and on.
I seriously cannot think of anything else to do! It's not the kicking itself that's a major problem...it's that she is willfully, knowingly, still kicking when told not to. I know she is just asserting herself, but she needs to learn to listen, right? I can't put her in "timeout" (because where would I put her? In her crib? Do I want her to associate the crib with punishment?) I can't take away a toy because the value/association is not there yet.
Need advice! I am SUCH a newbie! Dh and I are both like, "What do we do?" We don't know! Oh, life was a lot easier for my parents! Just spank 'em and be done...none of this all-consuming self-doubt.
Meldi

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Does that mean you stay there the rest of the night, or just until they fall back asleep?
Worth trying at least.....
I mean, it's your loss and all, but I REALLY don't think you grasp the significance of what you're pissing away because you can't be bothered to give up a couple hours' sleep in this tiny little season of your life. You'll have your whole life to make up that time once the kids are older and don't need as much interactive night time parenting; the time we're talking about is barely a blip on the radar screen.
Karen
"A pocketknife is like a melody;sharp in some places,
See, her/his entire argument is presumably based on the miraculous properties inherent in 7pm. Now...if 7pm really did everything he's claiming, then 7pm during Daylight Savings Time (really 6pm according to "true" time) would cause instant and CONSTANT sleep issues throughout the summer...issues that would NEVER iron out until Daylight Savings Time ended. Why? Because Daylight Savings Time is an artificial manipulation of time, and if, as the supposed argument goes, 7pm is miraculous based on some kind of lame evolutionary theory about human sleep patterns, it would be based on issues of light/dark, etc. And Daylight Savings Time would throw human biological sleep patterns into chaos, by forcing a child to sleep when it wasn't "optimum."
But we don't hear about how DST screws up PNJ's carefully orchestrated sleep disciplines for her kids....at least not to any extent that isn't completely and fully accounted for by simple jet lag solutions....i.e., gradual adjustment to the new time.
In other words, the theory is completely debunked by DST, because no parent could follow the sanctity of 7pm bedtimes through DST. That PNJ (and presumably others) navigate through DST and the return to normal timekeeping with nothing more than the 2 to 3 week adjustment that one sees when dealing with jet lag simply proves that the Weissbluth theory is nothing more than a fanciful fairy tale told to parents who want to believe there's a magic one-size-fits-all solution to sleep.
Karen
"A pocketknife is like a melody;sharp in some places,
If anything, THEIR need to lay down for goodness knows how long to get their kids to sleep took away from the adults spending time together.
Mondo
Obviously, people have different opinions on this subject. For us, personally, being flexible about co-sleeping meant that we all slept very well pretty much from the time the kids were born and continue to all sleep very well now(well, the first 6 weeks were tough, but both of my kids had days and nights mixed...as soon as that was sorted they slept very well). Co-sleeping doesn't work out that way for everyone, there is no single "correct" way to handle children's sleeping patterns because there is no such thing as a single sleeping pattern that all children follow.
Laura
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