Toddler discipline

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Toddler discipline
881
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:18am
Okay. Let me start off by saying that I swatted Aspen on the behind yesterday and I am none too happy about it.

I was NOT going to be a parent who spanked...and then this horrible toddler-itis reared it's ugly head and I just don't know what to do! I am looking for advice, anything that *works*.

Scenario: Aspen's been kicking me during diaper changes since before Vivi was born. She's too big for the changing table, so changes take place on the floor or the bed and she is always kicking all over the place. So, for months, I've been working with the firm "NO!" and holding her legs still. That worked for a little while. Then, it was "No, you are hurting mommy." That never seemed to get through. So, yesterday, I told her, "Stop kicking or I'm going to spank your bottom." and she wouldn't stop so I swatted her one. She cried and I felt nothing but a rush of confusion...."What am I doing? She's just going to learn to hit! I am awful!" And on and on.

I seriously cannot think of anything else to do! It's not the kicking itself that's a major problem...it's that she is willfully, knowingly, still kicking when told not to. I know she is just asserting herself, but she needs to learn to listen, right? I can't put her in "timeout" (because where would I put her? In her crib? Do I want her to associate the crib with punishment?) I can't take away a toy because the value/association is not there yet.

Need advice! I am SUCH a newbie! Dh and I are both like, "What do we do?" We don't know! Oh, life was a lot easier for my parents! Just spank 'em and be done...none of this all-consuming self-doubt.

Meldi

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:05am
Neither, in our case.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:08am

Who knows?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:10am

Just curious, why do you actively hate Weissbluth?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:21am

"needlessly indulging them at night". . .that phrase illustrates your bias on the topic.


I don't think anyone here suggested needless indulgence. . .just meeting the needs of our children. . .all of them; physical, physiological, and emotional.


We just differ in what we define as 'needs'. . .but that difference doesn't equate to 'needless indulgence'.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:29am

Those needs do not have to be met.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:43am
Can I just add a comment here? (Not particularly related to this post.)

Sometimes when you have slightly older children, you have a different outlook on this issue. I have an eight year old and a six year old who almost never come into my room at night. They sleep the whole night in their own rooms. Because I know that at a certain age, the kids in my family sleep on their own, in their own rooms, I am all the more comfortable having the little guys crawl in bed with me. I know it isn't going to last. I am not worried about creating needy little people who have to sleep with Mom when Mom no longer wants to sleep with them. I also know that if I really want to discontinue the occasional crawling in bed at 4 am events, I can speak to my children and they will honor my request, especially my four year old.

I guess I'm trying to say that I base some of my decisions on my experience and since I have already have two positive outcomes (kid #1, kid #2), I am somewhat confident that the two children who still like to crawl into bed with me are not going to turn into some overindulged, unable-to-sleep-alone pests that I will end up regretting creating.

For what it's worth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:45am
It's not the end result, it's how long it takes to get there that concerns me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:48am
I agree with PNJ that some parents "indulge" and create habits (maybe not bad habits, but habits nonetheless) which are avoidable if you want a child who sleeps through the night, most nights.

Encouraging a child to fully awaken night after night and walk down the hallway to mom and dad's bed for sleep is one such habit. There may be no reason for it, other than habit.

I think it's better to encourage sleeping in one's own bed, rather than co-sleeping, because come 7 a.m., I'm "on" for quite a few hours and a good night's sleep makes all the difference in whether I'm up to the challenge.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:52am

Admitting that you're biased and that your practices are implemented for YOUR needs as much as (if not

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:54am
And it's okay for you to encourage YOUR children to sleep in their own beds because you can't rest adequately while co-sleeping.
Virgo
 

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