Toddler discipline

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Toddler discipline
881
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:18am
Okay. Let me start off by saying that I swatted Aspen on the behind yesterday and I am none too happy about it.

I was NOT going to be a parent who spanked...and then this horrible toddler-itis reared it's ugly head and I just don't know what to do! I am looking for advice, anything that *works*.

Scenario: Aspen's been kicking me during diaper changes since before Vivi was born. She's too big for the changing table, so changes take place on the floor or the bed and she is always kicking all over the place. So, for months, I've been working with the firm "NO!" and holding her legs still. That worked for a little while. Then, it was "No, you are hurting mommy." That never seemed to get through. So, yesterday, I told her, "Stop kicking or I'm going to spank your bottom." and she wouldn't stop so I swatted her one. She cried and I felt nothing but a rush of confusion...."What am I doing? She's just going to learn to hit! I am awful!" And on and on.

I seriously cannot think of anything else to do! It's not the kicking itself that's a major problem...it's that she is willfully, knowingly, still kicking when told not to. I know she is just asserting herself, but she needs to learn to listen, right? I can't put her in "timeout" (because where would I put her? In her crib? Do I want her to associate the crib with punishment?) I can't take away a toy because the value/association is not there yet.

Need advice! I am SUCH a newbie! Dh and I are both like, "What do we do?" We don't know! Oh, life was a lot easier for my parents! Just spank 'em and be done...none of this all-consuming self-doubt.

Meldi

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:55am
The only thing I would have done differently than you did in the nightmare scenario is not given my child the option of sleeping with me afterwards.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:56am
Then you can't understand my objections to constant nightwakings, because co-sleeping doesn't bother you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:58am

If your children aren't timid and easily frightened then your approach would work for them.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:00am

You're right. . .but you can't understand how co-sleeping DOES work for some. . .and you don't understand why a parent would adapt to their child's needs rather than to expect the child to adapt to the parent's needs.


So, I figure we're pretty even.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:01am
Oh, I understand that. I'm just trying to explain why some of us have a more cavalier attitude about letting kids sleep with us. I wasn't nearly as "indulgent" with my oldest for the same reasons why you aren't with yours now. (I don't think it is being indulgent. I am just using that word because it is convenient in this discussion.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:03am
My older one is timid and easily frightened.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:05am

Okay, now we're getting somewhere.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:08am
No, you don't understand co-sleeping. . .not by a long shot.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:10am

I've chosen the approach we use because it meets her needs. . .not because it gets us back to sleep quickly.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:11am
I'm all ears and open to being educated.

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