Toddler discipline

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Toddler discipline
881
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:18am
Okay. Let me start off by saying that I swatted Aspen on the behind yesterday and I am none too happy about it.

I was NOT going to be a parent who spanked...and then this horrible toddler-itis reared it's ugly head and I just don't know what to do! I am looking for advice, anything that *works*.

Scenario: Aspen's been kicking me during diaper changes since before Vivi was born. She's too big for the changing table, so changes take place on the floor or the bed and she is always kicking all over the place. So, for months, I've been working with the firm "NO!" and holding her legs still. That worked for a little while. Then, it was "No, you are hurting mommy." That never seemed to get through. So, yesterday, I told her, "Stop kicking or I'm going to spank your bottom." and she wouldn't stop so I swatted her one. She cried and I felt nothing but a rush of confusion...."What am I doing? She's just going to learn to hit! I am awful!" And on and on.

I seriously cannot think of anything else to do! It's not the kicking itself that's a major problem...it's that she is willfully, knowingly, still kicking when told not to. I know she is just asserting herself, but she needs to learn to listen, right? I can't put her in "timeout" (because where would I put her? In her crib? Do I want her to associate the crib with punishment?) I can't take away a toy because the value/association is not there yet.

Need advice! I am SUCH a newbie! Dh and I are both like, "What do we do?" We don't know! Oh, life was a lot easier for my parents! Just spank 'em and be done...none of this all-consuming self-doubt.

Meldi

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:13am
You vastly underestimate your 6 year old's coping skills.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:19am
Do you know my child?
Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:22am

Co-sleeping can serve to foster emotional development, bonding, attachment, and a sense of interdependence. . .none of which are necessarily inappropriate techniques.


Here's a website I created for a course requirement on the topic:


http://www-personal.ksu.edu/~stoland/


Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:30am
Yes, it can. There are other ways to achieve those same objectives that do not, necessarily, pose the risk of having an older child constantly in your bed.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:32am
"I do understand co-sleeping - I think it's the easy way out for parents and can lead to children popping into parents' beds on and off for years."

The easy way out? What's that supposed to mean and why do you say it like it's a bad thing? I don't think you understand co-sleeping at all if this is how you view it. We weren't lazy in our parenting because our kids co-slept, fell asleep in the car, at the breast, in the stroller etc etc, we considered it perfectly normal, acceptable behaviour as long as everyone was well rested.

The other thing (besides the "if it doesn't work for you you aren't trying hard enough " line) that bugs me more than anything else about most sleep "experts" books is the insistence that somehow parents are doing things out of laziness (as opposed to a genuine philosophy or belief) and that those "bad" habits are going to have some profound negative long-term effect on children. All children get there sooner or later. Co-sleeping and/or accepting night-wakings as part of parenting or letting kids fall asleep while in motion are not setting them up for life-long sleep problems. And most children work out how to sleep on their own long before they hit even the age of 6, regardless of the methods used on them in infancy.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:32am
If she'd never ever had the option to co-sleep, she'd somehow get back to sleep after her nightmare anyway. Right?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:35am
I do not think co-sleeping leads to long term harm of any kind (as in, for adulthood or even into the teen years).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:36am

Where, exactly, did I say that there WEREN'T other ways. . .


And until this post, you didn't acknowledge any benefit to co-sleeping. . .just that it was an 'easy way out'


Also, what risks do you see to having an older child in your bed?

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:36am
Yep, same here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:36am
I would imagine she would learn. The real question is...at what emotional cost?

Laura

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