Toddler discipline

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Toddler discipline
881
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:18am
Okay. Let me start off by saying that I swatted Aspen on the behind yesterday and I am none too happy about it.

I was NOT going to be a parent who spanked...and then this horrible toddler-itis reared it's ugly head and I just don't know what to do! I am looking for advice, anything that *works*.

Scenario: Aspen's been kicking me during diaper changes since before Vivi was born. She's too big for the changing table, so changes take place on the floor or the bed and she is always kicking all over the place. So, for months, I've been working with the firm "NO!" and holding her legs still. That worked for a little while. Then, it was "No, you are hurting mommy." That never seemed to get through. So, yesterday, I told her, "Stop kicking or I'm going to spank your bottom." and she wouldn't stop so I swatted her one. She cried and I felt nothing but a rush of confusion...."What am I doing? She's just going to learn to hit! I am awful!" And on and on.

I seriously cannot think of anything else to do! It's not the kicking itself that's a major problem...it's that she is willfully, knowingly, still kicking when told not to. I know she is just asserting herself, but she needs to learn to listen, right? I can't put her in "timeout" (because where would I put her? In her crib? Do I want her to associate the crib with punishment?) I can't take away a toy because the value/association is not there yet.

Need advice! I am SUCH a newbie! Dh and I are both like, "What do we do?" We don't know! Oh, life was a lot easier for my parents! Just spank 'em and be done...none of this all-consuming self-doubt.

Meldi

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:38am

Maybe. . .hours later. . .maybe not. . .


Maybe forcing her to do so would create a situation where the nightmares continued for longer periods of time (ie days on end, weeks on end) rather than being isolated incidences.


And again. . .when did you meet MY child?

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:39am

I'd like Lois to comment on whether her sons still come into her bed at night and if not, how old were they until they stopped.


Yes, the habit of needing interaction with and/or co-sleeping to sleep past early childhood.


Let me ask you - being as pro co-sleeping as you are, do you see any benefits to not allowing it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:41am
Zero emotional cost, if you've been doing it that way since birth.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:42am
Are you just speculating, or have you tried other methods to soothe your 6 year old after nightmares?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:42am

You know, in thinking about this, I realize it depends on the child too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:44am

Do I see any benefits to NOT co-sleeping?

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:46am
You don't know that there's been no emotional cost. . .have you tried other methods? Or are you just speculating?

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:48am
But you followed Weissbluth's ideas and methods because that system worked to give everyone the most sleep in your house. Would you use the same terminology and say that you took the "easy way out"? For us, flexible sleeping arrangements gave everyone in the house, both short and long-term, the best and most amount of sleep. It also enormously simplified our lives during travelling (which we did and do extensively) because it meant that both children were very accustomed to sleeping well in all sorts of places and with all sorts of arrangements. Weissbluth's system would have made our lives he!!, not guaranteed the best amount of sleep for everyone in either in the short- or the long-run. So why do people so often describe co-sleeping as "the easy way out" or "a cop-out"? I think it would be just as fair to describe Weisbluth's or Ferber's methods as "the easy way out" since the point of both those methods (at least as used by some people) seems to involve ignoring one's child in the night unless something critical comes up.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:50am
I'd dare say that after nearly 14 years of parenting, 3 children, and a more flexible parenting philosophy. . .I've tried more methods than YOU have.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:54am

"Where you and I differ is that I see emotional needs as important as other needs,"


I agree that emotional needs are as important as physical needs.


"I DON'T necessarily see my needs as MORE important than my children's in ALL situations,"


Again, I agree.

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