Toddler discipline

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Toddler discipline
881
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:18am
Okay. Let me start off by saying that I swatted Aspen on the behind yesterday and I am none too happy about it.

I was NOT going to be a parent who spanked...and then this horrible toddler-itis reared it's ugly head and I just don't know what to do! I am looking for advice, anything that *works*.

Scenario: Aspen's been kicking me during diaper changes since before Vivi was born. She's too big for the changing table, so changes take place on the floor or the bed and she is always kicking all over the place. So, for months, I've been working with the firm "NO!" and holding her legs still. That worked for a little while. Then, it was "No, you are hurting mommy." That never seemed to get through. So, yesterday, I told her, "Stop kicking or I'm going to spank your bottom." and she wouldn't stop so I swatted her one. She cried and I felt nothing but a rush of confusion...."What am I doing? She's just going to learn to hit! I am awful!" And on and on.

I seriously cannot think of anything else to do! It's not the kicking itself that's a major problem...it's that she is willfully, knowingly, still kicking when told not to. I know she is just asserting herself, but she needs to learn to listen, right? I can't put her in "timeout" (because where would I put her? In her crib? Do I want her to associate the crib with punishment?) I can't take away a toy because the value/association is not there yet.

Need advice! I am SUCH a newbie! Dh and I are both like, "What do we do?" We don't know! Oh, life was a lot easier for my parents! Just spank 'em and be done...none of this all-consuming self-doubt.

Meldi

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:55am
Since you're the ECE expert, could you show me what signs I should look for to determine emotional cost?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:57am

Because my view is that co-sleeping gives everyone the most sleep for that night, but for years and years, the children are more likely to come into the parents' bed and give the parents much less sleep over the long term.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:59am
I guess I was just lucky and found one consistent method very early on in my parenting career that works for my family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:00am
You have no idea if there has been an emotional cost or not because your kids have learned to deal....regardless of their feelings about it. Note please that I am NOT saying that there has necessarily been an emotional cost for your children. I'm just saying that you can't actually know whether or not there has been a cost. Many children never need to co-sleep after a nightmare and wouldn't be emotionally traumatised by not having the option. Others would very much benefit by co-sleeping regardless of whether or not they have had the option.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:01am
I wouldn't speculate without knowing your children.
Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:02am

"Many children never need to co-sleep after a nightmare and wouldn't be emotionally traumatised by not having the option. Others would very much benefit by co-sleeping regardless of whether or not they have had the option. "


I'll ask you what I asked Virgo.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:07am
"If co-sleeping doesn't disturb the quality or quantity of parents' sleep, then I say co-sleep."

Well, that's been the case for us, which is why co-sleeping has been a positive thing in both the short and the long run. In the case of travelling, it's been an active benefit for many years as we have never had to worry about whether or not the kids would sleep in some place new or let us get enough sleep while travelling (barring large time changes, but then I still need a few days to make proper adjustments too).


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:07am

That's not what you asked me. . .you asked me how to tell if your kids had experienced an emotional cost.


If you want to know if your kids MIGHT have benefited by co-sleeping after nightmares, etc. . .then I'd say look at their temperament.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:09am

Given what you say about your older son's timidity, I wonder if the method works for him as well as it works for you. . .


I can't say as I don't know him. . .but I do wonder.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:11am
I don't need to do any additional research.

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