Toddler discipline

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Toddler discipline
881
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:18am
Okay. Let me start off by saying that I swatted Aspen on the behind yesterday and I am none too happy about it.

I was NOT going to be a parent who spanked...and then this horrible toddler-itis reared it's ugly head and I just don't know what to do! I am looking for advice, anything that *works*.

Scenario: Aspen's been kicking me during diaper changes since before Vivi was born. She's too big for the changing table, so changes take place on the floor or the bed and she is always kicking all over the place. So, for months, I've been working with the firm "NO!" and holding her legs still. That worked for a little while. Then, it was "No, you are hurting mommy." That never seemed to get through. So, yesterday, I told her, "Stop kicking or I'm going to spank your bottom." and she wouldn't stop so I swatted her one. She cried and I felt nothing but a rush of confusion...."What am I doing? She's just going to learn to hit! I am awful!" And on and on.

I seriously cannot think of anything else to do! It's not the kicking itself that's a major problem...it's that she is willfully, knowingly, still kicking when told not to. I know she is just asserting herself, but she needs to learn to listen, right? I can't put her in "timeout" (because where would I put her? In her crib? Do I want her to associate the crib with punishment?) I can't take away a toy because the value/association is not there yet.

Need advice! I am SUCH a newbie! Dh and I are both like, "What do we do?" We don't know! Oh, life was a lot easier for my parents! Just spank 'em and be done...none of this all-consuming self-doubt.

Meldi

Meldi

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:13am

He wakes up having to pee about once a week.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:15am

And no child absolutely requires strict bedtimes and night time isolation unless they have been trained to accept those from birth.


(Psst. . .my daughters didn't co-sleep from birth. . .my son did in a modified version. . .but not my daughters)

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:17am

I'm not Lois but my son's don't still come into our bed at ages 6 & 8.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:17am

I agree that my boys do not "absolutely require" strict sleep schedules.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:19am
I thought your boys were great sleepers (?)

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:20am
That is up to your personal judgement and your knowledge of your children. Obviously, you feel that you are meeting your children's emotional needs. I felt that allowing co-sleeping often best met my children's emotional needs. It wasn't the only method of comforting, but it was one "tool" in our bag of tricks, if you know what I mean. I have known children who absolutely hated co-sleeping from the beginning. Co-sleeping in those cases would not be a good way to try to meet those children's emotional needs. I assume that Virgo knows her child when she says that her needs are best met by allowing co-sleeping.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:20am

Maybe he's had more nightmares that he simply hasn't told you about since he knows you prefer your sleep and feel he should be alone at night? (please note the same sarcasm here that you inserted into your post regarding MY child)


To be honest with you, Gillie's had several nightmares in the last month. . .she has also dealt with her father leaving for more than a night for the first time since he returned from Iraq.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:22am

He couldn't possibly have a nightmare without me hearing him.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:23am

Maybe night time separation is a more accurate term than isolation. . .you acknowledge that you go to your children (when you deem appropriate to do so), but that you "never ever" allow them to sleep with you.


To me that's isolation. . .but I can acknowledge that you see that as separation.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: meldi
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:26am

Isolation would be if I left them to cope all alone with nightwakings, which I have stated repeatedly that I do not do.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

Pages