Too Far? [Spin-off]

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Too Far? [Spin-off]
58
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 10:30am

So we discussed doing things with kids, being present etc., and opinions varied a fair deal.

The other day I was chatting with a friend who still has teens at home. She and her husband always wanted to go to Napa and taste wine,  stay in romantic inns etc. Their anniversary is later this month, so they booked a long, wine-tasting weekend in Napa and got dad's sister to come stay with the kids, which is great.

It happens that their youngest, a girl, turns 14 that weekend. Would you go on a trip, even if it WAS a special occasion, and miss your child's birthday?

I admit I wouldn't, but maybe I am a sap?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:16am
springfever2013 wrote:
So why would you get upset if they weren't there on that actual day?

Not upset, I just like seeing my parents on my birthday.

That's nice. When you don't have parents who live close, you are used to not seeing them. My parents moved away 18 years ago and my dh hasn't spent a birthday with his parents for 21 years. We are not 5 years old anymore. Birthdays are less exciting as you get older unless they are on "big" ones, IMO and IME. lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:17am

"Why is it WHEN?" --------- Because it is a birthday, and even a teen will usually feel hurt if the parents are MIA on that day, especially if it is just to amuse themselves.

How do you know that? Were your parents missing for your birthdays as a teen?

My dh travels all the time, for business, but even he will schedule, sometimes with great difficulty, to be home for his kid's birthday.

Great!! What about now when your dd is away at college? Does she come home just so you both can spend the day with her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:18am

springfever2013 wrote:
That's nice. When you don't have parents who live close, you are used to not seeing them. My parents moved away 18 years ago and my dh hasn't spent a birthday with his parents for 21 years. We are not 5 years old anymore. Birthdays are less exciting as you get older unless they are on "big" ones, IMO and IME. lol.

I don't find "big" birthdays to be any more or less exciting than regular ones, and I don't find that they are any more or less exciting than they've been since I turned 22.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:19am
rollmops2009 wrote:
It is not WHAT you do, it is WHEN. For example, our birthday tradition is very low-key. I make DD a special breakfast (often home-made, hot from the oven Danish pastry) and she opens her presents. But the whole point is that it is not just any old day, it is her birthday.

My dad worked 24 hr shifts when I was a kid as a fireman, and occasionally he'd have to work on my birthday.  We always just moved it to the next day.  That didn't bother me, but I like having the celebration on the actual day, if at all possible.

So if it didn't bother YOU, why would you think it would bother someone else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:20am

I don't find "big" birthdays to be any more or less exciting than regular ones, and I don't find that they are any more or less exciting than they've been since I turned 22.

The big ones is usually when you do MORE for them. I went out for my 21st, went out with friends on my 40th. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:24am

springfever2013 wrote:
So if it didn't bother YOU, why would you think it would bother someone else?

Moving a birthday celebration because of a work obligation is much different from choosing to travel on your kid's birthday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:26am

springfever2013 wrote:
The big ones is usually when you do MORE for them. I went out for my 21st, went out with friends on my 40th.

We don't do much for any birthdays-- big or otherwise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:28am
springfever2013 wrote:
So if it didn't bother YOU, why would you think it would bother someone else?

Moving a birthday celebration because of a work obligation is much different from choosing to travel on your kid's birthday.

How so? I did say it COULD be a work obligation too or a handful of other reasons. What would one year do to a child if they miss their birthday? Do you think it would make or break the relationship? Would it affect them for the REST of their life? Would they need to go see a therapist IYO? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:29am
springfever2013 wrote:
The big ones is usually when you do MORE for them. I went out for my 21st, went out with friends on my 40th.

We don't do much for any birthdays-- big or otherwise.

So why would it bother you if your parents were present or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:33am

springfever2013 wrote:
How so? I did say it COULD be a work obligation too or a handful of other reasons. What would one year do to a child if they miss their birthday? Do you think it would make or break the relationship? Would it affect them for the REST of their life? Would they need to go see a therapist IYO?

I thought we were talking about choosing to take a vacation on a kid's birthday-- not a work obligation.  I don't think it would "make or break" a relationship and I don't think the kid would need therapy.  I just wouldn't do it.