Too Far? [Spin-off]

Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Too Far? [Spin-off]
58
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 10:30am

So we discussed doing things with kids, being present etc., and opinions varied a fair deal.

The other day I was chatting with a friend who still has teens at home. She and her husband always wanted to go to Napa and taste wine,  stay in romantic inns etc. Their anniversary is later this month, so they booked a long, wine-tasting weekend in Napa and got dad's sister to come stay with the kids, which is great.

It happens that their youngest, a girl, turns 14 that weekend. Would you go on a trip, even if it WAS a special occasion, and miss your child's birthday?

I admit I wouldn't, but maybe I am a sap?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:34am

springfever2013 wrote:
So why would it bother you if your parents were present or not?

I like to see them on my birthday.  Just like I like DH to make me some kind of delicious dessert.  Simple things that make the day special.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:36am

I thought we were talking about choosing to take a vacation on a kid's birthday-- not a work obligation.  I don't think it would "make or break" a relationship and I don't think the kid would need therapy.  I just wouldn't do it.

Maybe someone can only take off that time from work. Maybe someone can only take off that time from school (parents). Maybe..maybe...there could be a ton of reasons. 

That is your choice not to do it, as with every other person who has a child. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:38am

springfever2013 wrote:
Maybe someone can only take off that time from work. Maybe someone can only take off that time from school (parents). Maybe..maybe...there could be a ton of reasons. That is your choice not to do it, as with every other person who has a child.

Which is what I said.  I wouldn't do it.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:41am

Which is what I said.  I wouldn't do it.  

I guess because you find the need to be with your parents on your birthday every year, even now as an adult, you can't see why others would feel differently. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:44am

springfever2013 wrote:
I guess because you find the need to be with your parents on your birthday every year, even now as an adult, you can't see why others would feel differently.

I don't *need* to see my parents on my birthday, I *like* to see them on my birthday.  And no, I don't really think most kids would be happy (under 18s) if their parents decided to go on vacation alone on their birthdays.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:49am

We tend to move birthday celebrations around in our family just because of different activites and such, so we would celebrate early or later and I would go.  We wouldn't ignore the birthday because we missed it, just move the special stuff to another day.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:51am

rollmops2009 wrote:
"Unless it was a big one (first one, 16th) I don't see the problem with celebrating before it they can't go any other time." ------------ Seriously? Why couldn't the parents schedule the trip at a different time?

I wouldn't have scheduled it on a birthday to begin with either, but I don't see an issue with celebrating the birthday on a different day.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 11:53am

geschichtsgal wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">rollmops2009</em> wrote:</div>"and they might fall on a family members birthday." ----------- This is not "a family member." It is their kid who still lives at home.</blockquote></p><p>I'm even a little bit disappointed if my parents aren't around on *my* birthday.  Although, we often take around that time to go on vacation and then I'm not around.</p>

Maybe it's not an issue for me because we rarely celebrate on the actual day even if everyone is in town?  It usually takes a week or two to get everyone with a free day to celebrate with the family.  The kids usually have a sleep over so it always waits until the weekend anyway....

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 12:01pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<blockquote><div style="font-weight:bold"><em>springfever2013</em> wrote:</div>So why would you get upset if they weren't there on that actual day?</blockquote><p style="font-size:13px"></p><p style="font-size:13px">Not upset, I just like seeing my parents on my birthday.</p><p style="font-size:13px"><span style="font-size:small"><strong>That's nice. When you don't have parents who live close, you are used to not seeing them. My parents moved away 18 years ago and my dh hasn't spent a birthday with his parents for 21 years. We are not 5 years old anymore. Birthdays are less exciting as you get older unless they are on "big" ones, IMO and IME. lol.</strong></span></p>

Now that I don't agree with, I think birthdays are always exciting.  Sorry about the parent thing on boths sides for so long...

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 12:07pm

rollmops2009 wrote:
<p>So we discussed doing things with kids, being present etc., and opinions varied a fair deal.</p><p>The other day I was chatting with a friend who still has teens at home. She and her husband always wanted to go to Napa and taste wine,  stay in romantic inns etc. Their anniversary is later this month, so they booked a long, wine-tasting weekend in Napa and got dad's sister to come stay with the kids, which is great.</p><p>It happens that their youngest, a girl, turns 14 that weekend. Would you go on a trip, even if it WAS a special occasion, and miss your child's birthday?</p><p>I admit I wouldn't, but maybe I am a sap?</p>

Yes, I would.  One thing we learned in our Air Force years are the date on the calender is less important than the actual event.  We were very lucky in that I think the only family events that DH's missed was 1 anniversary and DD1's birthday one year.  But both events were just celebrated on another day.  

One year DH and went away on my birthday and another time (it may have been the same year) we were away for his birthday.  Again we just did the family celebration on another day.

We rarely celebrate birthdays on the actual birthday anyway but on the weekend because that is when it is easier to get everyone together.  DH's birthday was Wed but we are no celebrating it until Sunday. 

My trip that I once took that left me feeling a bit guilty was one year when we went away for our annoversary and DD3 had strep.   We went up to Dallas to watch the Cowboys.  We dropped her off at DD2's (who was in college at the time) for the weekend.  I felt guilty for not only leaving a sick child but also for making her older sister her nursemaid.  Instead of the original plans they had, DD3 spent the weekend on the couch and DD2 stayed home with her instead of going out with friends.