Weird ex-nanny stalker (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Weird ex-nanny stalker (long)
29
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 1:51pm

I need a little reality check here. Fifteen years ago, when DD was a newborn, I hired a nanny who seemed really great. Great references, gentle demeanor, quiet, clean, the ideal fit. She was a little eccentric (had never had a boyfriend or even a date at age 37, still lived with her parents), but this didn't affect the way she did her job.


DD was happy, I was happy. I'd come home from work and everything was obviously fine. This worked really well until I got pg with my son when DD was 10 months old. I waited until the end of the first trimester, then told our nanny.

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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 2:26pm
The fact that she is probably borderline nuts is obviously concerning, but I am not really clear on why you would not answer her at all. Then again, I may be a little too tolerant of the obviously unhinged, stalkers etc.

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If you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Erica Jong

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 3:10pm

what concerns you..that through hearsay, she's called you a liar or that she's said she doesn't do well with men?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 8:20pm

As far as she continued attempts to contact you: If she only does it every couple of years or so as it seems is her way, I would do as you have done. Absolutely nothing. No response, etc.

As far as your kids go? I would try to steer the casual dinner/weekend conversation some time to a "ohmygod, do you remember when.....?" sort of thing where the family brings up various zany memories and in the course of that, you and dh can broach the topic of "Oh, do you remember that weird nanny the kids had? She wasn't crazy or anything, but she was just strange! LOL." Between you and your dh, disarm anything she might do now. Bring her up as harmlessly eccentric but nobody you would EVER consider continuing a relationship with.

This way, if she does approach the kids, they have a frame of reference about her and she's not steering their first impression of her.

And of course, if she ever does approach the kids, I would absolutely tell her flat off to knock it off or you'll get lawyers involved. (From what you've said, doesn't sound like she would, tho)

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Kitty

"Adultery isn't a mistake. It is a choice to give your loins greater importance than your dignity." --From the Awesome Files of B

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Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 8:22pm

No, no, I don't plan to answer her!! Yikes!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 8:28pm

This is exactly my worry, that she will approach the kids, especially my daughter. She really bonded with her at the time.


I like your idea about making this a casual thing. The kids don't remember the nanny

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 9:51pm

I guess I didn't phrase my question very well. My concern was that she'd try to contact my children. DH and I have no intention of ever responding to her message to him. My worry is that she'll find my kids! Big difference.


We certainly haven't friended her on FB or even acknowledged a single message from her anywhere. But it's pretty easy to figure out where someone lives once you know their names, which, of course, she does, since she worked for us for 2 years.


And her comment about not doing well with "men" was directly to me, not through hearsay. I don't care what her motives are, I just don't want my kids to be surprised when some random stranger who appears to know them approaches them in their own town. That's my worry. That's why I asked whether it seemed right to warn my kids that she might try to do something like this.


She may not be dangerous, but she is clearly not normal!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 12:52am
I think not responding is good. I think mentioning it somehow casually to the kids so that they know she exists, and that she's a little "off" so if they do bump into her they'll have their guard up. You definitely don't have to make her out to be a stalker-type, just so they know she isn't quite right. Then see what happens. Keep documentation about the dates and content of any contact, in case something happens and it gets worse, you'll want to show a pattern if you need a restraining order (hopefully it'll never come to that).

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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 3:17am
I think Puss' suggestion is a good one in that case.

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If you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Erica Jong

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 5:41am
i agree with this, your thoughts, feelings about this woman ( esp if kids were TOO young to remember her ) but i do not agree that she should be made out as some weirdo, stalker type.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 5:50am
Yes, so much better if they're left defenseless against a weird stalkerish ex-nanny who can't seem to leave Mom and Dad alone 13 years after getting the axe. I mean, really, is defending and protecting your own children REALLY worth the cost of possibly hurting the fee-fees of a stalker?

************

Kitty

"Adultery isn't a mistake. It is a choice to give your loins greater importance than your dignity." --From the Awesome Files of B

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Edited 6/25/2010 5:51 am ET by puss_boo_kay

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

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