What do you think about teen sleepovers?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
What do you think about teen sleepovers?
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Tue, 08-13-2013 - 5:04pm

I was reading an interesting article from Huffington Post, the author was discussing how open parents should be with their teen with regards to sex: 

If you aren't comfortable with your own sexuality or challenging deeply-embedded ideas about sex being "bad," can you teach your kids anything different? In defiance of socially conservative mythology, approaches that are positive about sex do not lead to licentiousness, STDs, abortions and despair. On the contrary, the more you teach children about healthy, responsible sex, the more likely they are to treat sex in healthy, responsible ways. In general, they are more knowledgeable, more emotionally mature about it and "safer" in the scary-sex way. 

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/how-do-you-feel-about-sex-and-teenage-sleepovers_b_3744080.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

She does some comparisons between the U.S. and the Netherlands, even how some parents in the Netherlands will allow their teenage children to have sex in their home.  

 Would you want to know your child is having sex, or prefer to remain in the dark?  Would you allow your teen's partner to sleepover in your house? 

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Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Tue, 08-13-2013 - 5:13pm

Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 3:07am

I grew up in Denmark. Danish and Dutch cultures are very similar. Even when I was a kid, it was common for teens to have their SOs sleep over. There are many advantages, as outlined in the article. However, most Americans seem to prefer that teens have sex in the back of cars and stuff, lest the parents be seen as "condoning" wantoness. To each his own. All I can say is that the Dutch, Danes and Swedes have some of the lowest STD rates, as well as low teen pregnancy and abortion rates.

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Registered: 10-23-2001
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 6:40am

The preferred way in America is that kids have sex in the back seat of cars?  Oh my, you watch too much tv, Lol.. Nor is low stds, pg and abortion linked to parents that allow sex in their homes.

 


 


Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 10:59am
"Nor is low stds, pg and abortion linked to parents that allow sex in their homes." ---------------------- Well, apparently it is, in a correlational way at least.
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Registered: 06-27-2013

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>The preferred way in America is that kids have sex in the back seat of cars? Oh my, you watch too much tv. Lol.. Nor is low stds, pg and abortion linked to parents that allow sex in their homes.</p>

Data proves otherwise. http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/pdf/TBR_InternationalComparison.pdf

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2013
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 12:48pm

My kids aren't teens yet and while the oldest and I regularly discuss sex, that's not happening any time soon. DD had a sleepover a few weeks ago w/one of her best friends. It was her first "friend" sleepover, it was co-ed and it was totally uneventful. They slept on the couches in my living room--one on each couch. 

As someone who was a sexually active teen--if kids want to be sexually active, they're going to find a way. I did. So my job as a parent is to educate them on our values, explain why waiting is preferable, and ultimately empower them to prevent STDs and pregnancy. I have already told DS that in a few years, there will be condoms in his closet. Because I don't want him to get a disease or be a Grandma in my 40s.

IDK about sleepovers. I'm not there yet. DS doesn't have any female friends he would want to sleepover ATM, but DD has a lot of friends who are boys (not surprising given how much time she's spent around boys in her lifetime w/a big brother). And I'm not going to say they can't sleep over just b/c they have a penis. They don't even know what sex is at her age!!! So I'll just play it by ear. The kids have turned out rather well to date...

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Registered: 07-30-2013

Seriously Queen? 

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 1:38pm

QueenbeeNotaWannabee wrote:
<p>My kids aren't teens yet and while the oldest and I regularly discuss sex, that's not happening any time soon. DD had a sleepover a few weeks ago w/one of her best friends. It was her first "friend" sleepover, it was co-ed and it was totally uneventful. They slept on the couches in my living room--one on each couch. </p><p>As someone who was a sexually active teen--if kids want to be sexually active, they're going to find a way. I did. So my job as a parent is to educate them on our values, explain why waiting is preferable, and ultimately empower them to prevent STDs and pregnancy. I have already told DS that in a few years, there will be condoms in his closet. Because I don't want him to get a disease or be a Grandma in my 40s.</p><p>IDK about sleepovers. I'm not there yet. DS doesn't have any female friends he would want to sleepover ATM, but DD has a lot of friends who are boys (not surprising given how much time she's spent around boys in her lifetime w/a big brother). And I'm not going to say they can't sleep over just b/c they have a penis. They don't even know what sex is at her age!!! So I'll just play it by ear. The kids have turned out rather well to date...</p>

This. Except that my kids ARE teens.  Neither has asked to have a co-ed sleepover.   But The Girl has a *lot* of male friends. If the cirumstances warranted, I'd probably let them stay overnight, in a separate bedroom.   Her boyfriend? Probably not. 

Once my kids are older teens/young adults, if they want to bring a signficiant other home to stay, I'd let them share a bedroom. 

And you know what? speaking from experience - I think many teens, shoot even many married young adults, would be mortified to be having sex in their parents' house.  lol

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 1:42pm

Oh, and wanted to add that a while back Dh and were both out of town.  The Boy stayed with some friends of ours who have two 13-yo boys and a 17yo boy.   The 17yo is good friends with The Girl.  The Girl was staying with one of her (female) BFFs.   But the friends who were keeping The Boy offered for The Girl to stay with them too.  The friends and I had no problem with that concept - she'd have been sleeping in the same house as a male friend of the same age.   We didn't go that route because The Girl had already made plans.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

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Registered: 06-27-2013

kickboxingbabe2013 wrote:
<p>Seriously Queen? </p>

Seriously what? The condoms? You betcha. As my mother always said, "I'd rather know and not approve than be lied to or kept in the dark." I started sleeping over at DH's when I was 18. My parents didn't particularly like it, but they certainly preferred knowing where I actually was as opposed to being lied to.

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