What do you think about teen sleepovers?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
What do you think about teen sleepovers?
276
Tue, 08-13-2013 - 5:04pm

I was reading an interesting article from Huffington Post, the author was discussing how open parents should be with their teen with regards to sex: 

If you aren't comfortable with your own sexuality or challenging deeply-embedded ideas about sex being "bad," can you teach your kids anything different? In defiance of socially conservative mythology, approaches that are positive about sex do not lead to licentiousness, STDs, abortions and despair. On the contrary, the more you teach children about healthy, responsible sex, the more likely they are to treat sex in healthy, responsible ways. In general, they are more knowledgeable, more emotionally mature about it and "safer" in the scary-sex way. 

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/how-do-you-feel-about-sex-and-teenage-sleepovers_b_3744080.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

She does some comparisons between the U.S. and the Netherlands, even how some parents in the Netherlands will allow their teenage children to have sex in their home.  

 Would you want to know your child is having sex, or prefer to remain in the dark?  Would you allow your teen's partner to sleepover in your house? 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2013

savcal2011 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">QueenbeeNotaWannabee</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;My kids aren't teens yet and while the oldest and I regularly discuss sex, that's not happening any time soon. DD had a sleepover a few weeks ago w/one of her best friends. It was her first "friend" sleepover, it was co-ed and it was totally uneventful. They slept on the couches in my living room--one on each couch. &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;As someone who was a sexually active teen--if kids want to be sexually active, they're going to find a way. I did. So my job as a parent is to educate them on our values, explain why waiting is preferable, and ultimately empower them to prevent STDs and pregnancy. I have already told DS that in a few years, there will be condoms in his closet. Because I don't want him to get a disease or be a Grandma in my 40s.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;IDK about sleepovers. I'm not there yet. DS doesn't have any female friends he would want to sleepover ATM, but DD has a lot of friends who are boys (not surprising given how much time she's spent around boys in her lifetime w/a big brother). And I'm not going to say they can't sleep over just b/c they have a penis. They don't even know what sex is at her age!!! So I'll just play it by ear. The kids have turned out rather well to date...&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>This. Except that my kids ARE teens.  Neither has asked to have a co-ed sleepover.   But The Girl has a *lot* of male friends. If the cirumstances warranted, I'd probably let them stay overnight, in a separate bedroom.   Her boyfriend? Probably not. </p><p>Once my kids are older teens/young adults, if they want to bring a signficiant other home to stay, I'd let them share a bedroom. </p><p>And you know what? speaking from experience - I think many teens, shoot even many married young adults, would be mortified to be having sex in their parents' house.  lol</p>

Yup. It is a lot like college kids drinking. Once they turn 21 and it is legal, the novelty quickly wears off...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2013

Seriously what? The condoms? You betcha. As my mother always said, "I'd rather know and not approve than be lied to or kept in the dark." I started sleeping over at DH's when I was 18. My parents didn't particularly like it, but they certainly preferred knowing where I actually was as opposed to being lied to.

Ummm....no, if you son was a little bit older. You really talk to your kids about this at their very young ages? Surprised

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 2:19pm

kickboxingbabe2013 wrote:
>Ummm....no, if you son was a little bit older. You really talk to your kids about this at their very young ages? <img src="/forums/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-surprised.gif" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" border="0" /></span></span></strong></span></p>

I started talking about sex with my kids when they were toddlers.  Safe sex came into the equation when they were late elementary school age.  It's an on going process that starts whenthey are very young and progresses as they mature.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2013

I started talking about sex with my kids when they were toddlers.  Safe sex came into the equation when they were late elementary school age.  It's an on going process that starts whenthey are very young and progresses as they mature.

Age appropriate things are understood, condoms for an young child in elementary school, what 10 years old? WHY??????

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 2:25pm

kickboxingbabe2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">I started talking about sex with my kids when they were toddlers.  Safe sex came into the equation when they were late elementary school age.  It's an on going process that starts whenthey are very young and progresses as they mature.</span></p><p style="text-align:left"><strong><span style="font-size:x-small"><span>Age appropriate things are understood, condoms for an young child in elementary school, what 10 years old? WHY??????</span></span></strong></p>

Kids are exposed to a lot - outside of parental control.  So if my kid heard the term rubber or condom, I'd explain to them - in simple terms - what it was and what it is used for.   It's not like I was showing them a porn video of one in use.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2013

kickboxingbabe2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">Seriously what? The condoms? You betcha. As my mother always said, "I'd rather know and not approve than be lied to or kept in the dark." I started sleeping over at DH's when I was 18. My parents didn't particularly like it, but they certainly preferred knowing where I actually was as opposed to being lied to.</span></p><p style="text-align:left"><span style="font-size:small"><strong><span><span>Ummm....no, if you son was a little bit older. You really talk to your kids about this at their very young ages? <img src="/forums/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-surprised.gif" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" border="0" /></span></span></strong></span></p>

My oldest is almost 12--I'd had a period by the time I was his age. And the ped confirmed at his last well child check (a year ago--he's due for another) that he's in puberty. Shaved his 'stache for the first time last night, in fact. We've been talking about sex ever since he opened his mouth a few years ago and announced that "his friend's older brother said, 'sex is what you do when you're dating.'" So I explained what sex was (he didn't know) and that it isn't what you do when you're casually dating. Dating and sex aren't really on his radar right now. But when they are, I want him prepared.

As I said (quite clearly) in my OP, my daughter doesn't have a clue yet. When her teacher announced her pregnancy last spring, my answer to the inevitable "how did she get a baby in her tummy" question was that God puts babies in their mothers' tummies. Because He does. And she was satisfied with that answer. But if she's an early bloomer like I was (and her brrother), we'll have that talk when necessary. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2013

kickboxingbabe2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">I started talking about sex with my kids when they were toddlers.  Safe sex came into the equation when they were late elementary school age.  It's an on going process that starts whenthey are very young and progresses as they mature.</span></p><p style="text-align:left"><strong><span style="font-size:x-small"><span>Age appropriate things are understood, condoms for an young child in elementary school, what 10 years old? WHY??????</span></span></strong></p>

Um, condoms = safe sex. And he doesn't have condoms now. They aren't necessary. But (again, as I stated in my OP) in a few years, he will. And he's not 10. Or in elementary school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2013

My bad, I thought your son was younger. I AM SORRY (see THAT is how you apologize ) Laughing

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2013

savcal2011 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">kickboxingbabe2013</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left"&gt;I started talking about sex with my kids when they were toddlers.  Safe sex came into the equation when they were late elementary school age.  It's an on going process that starts whenthey are very young and progresses as they mature.&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p style="text-align:left"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:x-small"&gt;&lt;span&gt;Age appropriate things are understood, condoms for an young child in elementary school, what 10 years old? WHY??????&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>Kids are exposed to a lot - outside of parental control.  So if my kid heard the term rubber or condom, I'd explain to them - in simple terms - what it was and what it is used for.   It's not like I was showing them a porn video of one in use.</p>

Exactly. Am I the only one who has ever seen a condom machine in a gas station bathroom? What am I supposed to do, make him hold it while I check out every bathroom for the one w/o a condom machine?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2013

kickboxingbabe2013 wrote:
<p>My bad, I thought your son was younger. I AM SORRY (see THAT is how you apologize ) <img src="/forums/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-laughing.gif" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" border="0" /></p>

I am perfectly aware of how to apologize. And absolutely willing to do so, when it is warranted.

Pages