What is the Real Issue Here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
What is the Real Issue Here?
72
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 8:56pm
What is the real issue about women working outside the home?? I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of people in society are angry and upset that women are working at jobs and "competing with men". And that is the REAL source of the anger. It actually has nothing at all to do with people worried about children not having a mom at home, or being in daycare. I feel the real issue is people are upset (especially in these hard economic times) that there are some women out there getting the jobs "that men are supposed to get". But who really wants to admit it? I mean, no one wants to admit to having such bigoted attitudes. So, they claim their concern is really for "the children".

By the way, lots of women HAVE to work and its not a choice. Anyways, not all jobs are that great. Do you really think that a woman working the night shift as a security guard, or working at Wal-Mart checking groceries is just doing so to fulfill her ego or something? come on! Its called SURVIVAL.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 9:01am
It's also a matter of what benefits the parents more. The kids are not the only members of the family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 9:14am
why would you think that 10 to 15 hours of daycare a week is necessarily much preferable to over 40? do you think that all children are made out of cookie-cutter molds, and that none would be more comfortable with a caregiver with whom and in an environment in which they spent more substantial blocs of time? do you think that all dc providers and environments are comparable--that it is as easy to find excellent or even good pt fill-in care as it is to find excellent or good ft care? how is it better, you think, for a child to be in a situation where she is neglected by an often distracted (by the demands of other children) and sometimes overwhelmed single caregiver than to have acess to more caregivers at all times? how is it better, you think, for a child to have the same one or two companions, day after day, hour after hour, than to have a larger pool of playmates and peers?

the one thing that all this party-line gabage really reveals is a lack of recognition of a child's needs, a caregiver's abilities, an environment's appropriateness, and the rest of what i'd say is most important in choosing a dc situation. short hours and low ratios might matter more to you than your child's temprament and a dcp's abilities, but my children's unique comfort and needs are first and foremost in my consideration of a dc environment, not something that i would consider only after narrowing my choices according to arbitrary drivel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 9:55am
A lot of it has to do with location. In our last city we owned an 800 sq foot house, 3 bdrms, small yard. Over here we live in a beautiful town in a 2500sqft, 5 bdrm, 3 bathroom house with a 1/4 acre and we're well *below* our means. It means less stress overall, less focus on money. Even if the unthinkable happened we have enough money put away to survive frugally for six months.

Anyway, I'm not sure why you are focused so much on people being jealous of what you have. I could care less how much money you make, what vacations you go on or other perks that you enjoy due to working. I'm sure that as a family we've made the right decisions for our children and for our family as a whole. I'm sure that the majority of sahm's don't feel jealous when they look at the trade-offs in your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 10:20am
I don't think the majority of SAHMs or WOHMs are jealous of me or anyone else due to work status. I was putting forth reasons why this debate exists. It's not just a *money* issue for everyone, it may also be an issue of ego, security and other intangibles.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 7:03pm
Outside the box, no I don't have a problem with moms who want to stay home. When did I say that? I do have a major issue with any sahm who criticizes women who work. Or anyone else for that matter.

What is most puke-worthy to me, is preachers who get up on Sunday morning and rail about those "selfish mothers who work". I never see sahms being targeted or guilt-tripped about anything. Maybe they are, but I haven't seen it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 9:31am
No preacher in an educated affluent urban area would ever state that from the pulpit. He or she would be laughed out of town.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 3:13pm
Seriously though, do you really think the majority of women who SAHM would rather be working? Hardly, especially when the majority of women with a choice choose to stay home. I had a well paying career which would have easily paid for several nannies, but the thought of leaving my babies with a nanny to spend her time with them while I was at work was frankly nauseating. Ugh! Been there, the job wasn't nearly as enticing as spending time with my sons. After a while, you realize that at any job and any firm, you're only as valued as your last case, last procedure, last months sales quota, take your pick. Nobody loves you there. You can keep the bonuses, awards, accolades and recognition. Big deal.
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 3:52pm
Could this be the difference between corporate world values and those of the social service field?

I do feel quite valued by my supervisor and I don't have big cases to win, sales quotas to meet, or promotions to seek. I may not make much money and I do work for a non-profit, grant funded organization, but I know that my supervisor values me as a person. . .not just a number or for what I can do for our organization.

I do come to work every day to help people. . .parents, children, and early childhood educators (at both the 'in the trenches' and in the academic worlds). I make a difference in the lives of many people outside the circle of my immediate family.

Do I love spending time with my family? Absolutely, but I also realize that the impact I have on others through my work outside the home (paid and volunteer) really is a big deal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 3:59pm
It could be. The corporate world is cut throat, and once I left I never looked back. The only jealousy I have is for SAHM's with a lux lifestyle - that's what I'm talkin' about!

Anyway, now I'm going to pursue my masters to teach full-time, right now as a substitute I'm earning about 1/5 of what I used to, but you know what, I like the job, hours and atmosphere much more. Money isn't everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 4:53pm
No, I think that most women don't even reach the threshhold question, which is "do I make enough to cover child care costs and make it worthwhile to work?" I know there are certainly women who do answer that question yes, and choose not to work. But I don't believe the majority of women with a choice choose to stay home. Maybe women who are now of a certain age - 50 or 55 and older?

And a career is more than your current job. I don't get "love" from my job, but my professional accomplishments are an important part of who I am. I'm glad you were able to find a FT job that didn't require you to hire a nanny. My job isn't compared to spending time with MY sons. I do both, and enjoy both. No conflict.

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