When did you decide to start a family *m

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Registered: 03-27-2003
When did you decide to start a family *m
22
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 3:22pm
and did your work status influence that decision? How so? If not, what were the factors that went into your decision to start a family at the age or time of life that you started one?
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Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 3:24pm
dh and I knew we always wanted children and when we were dating we talked about it.

We decided that we would start trying after we were married a year. It took me 4 years to get pregnant which was a surprise. My 2nd happened on the first try. Work status didn't affect when I had my children. I knew my dh was not a high earner when we married so I assumed I would have to work. I went back to work when my dd was 3 months old and worked til she was nearly 2 yrs. old when my ds was born. We couldn't afford daycare for 2 kids and luckily some unexpected money came our way !! So when my maternity leave with

my son ended I resigned since I figured why earn a paycheck if I am handing it all over to daycare. I have been home with my kids a little over a year now and its been great.

My dh has earned more money, received alot of overtime and gotten better insurance and I am starting a home business which may allow me to continue staying home with my kids. We are doing great right now but if necessary I might get a night job or when they start school I might WOH around their school hours. I don't really care to go back to the

8-4 work hours away from them while they are younger.
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 9:20pm
i have such a shallow answer for such an intellegent question. it seems to me, you asked this question with the assumption we all *think* these things out, in mind. dh and i met on the first day of high school, started dating a year later, and discussed when we would marry and have children someday when we were 16 yo. he went to tech school, so we married when he got done. the only thing we thought about was the fact that we wanted to own a home before we had children. we bought our first house nine months after we married, and then when the feeling came over me, we ehmmmm, got ds1 LOL. we were young and just flew by the seat of our pants. we never really sat down and looked at a budget because we just knew when you are married and dh works, you have a family. boom....thats it. what else do you want to know???LOLOLOLOL we've come a long way since then. we still fly by the seat of our pants, but its a more controlled seat, these days. work status had nothing to do with our decision to have or when to have children. we knew we wanted children, and had them first, then figured out how to support them!! duhhhh!!
Avatar for taylormomma
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Registered: 03-23-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 1:04pm
I was ready to have them. Don't know any other way to explain it. I was 32, had been married for two years, and didn't want to wait any longer. I knew that (my then) dh and I would both be WOH parents, because neither of us made enough to support someone SAH. He was only working pt and going to school; I was firmly established at my company and had great perks but not a large salary.

I started my "second" family when I decided to marry dh and blend our families together. I started my "third" family when I was totally unexpectedly pregnant at 40.

Sometimes, life just happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 9:47am
I didn't. Life just happened ;) We were planning on starting a family once we were settled in where we wanted to be and had steady jobs and such, but DS came along unexpectedly. Work status wasn't really a factor in when we wanted to start having kids, but my family defines my work status. Right now I work when it is necessary for me to and a SAH when it's possible. (Right now, I SAH)
Avatar for biancamami
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 10:22am
My DH's age was the biggest factor. He's 8 years older than me and he does not want to be an "old dad"...or so he says! He says he wants to enjoy his retirement years without worrying about having kids in the house.

Work status was irrelevant. If we had to wait until we could live on his income alone we would never have kids. It was good to have examoles around us too...most of our friends with children are dual income families.

Ana
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Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 7:03pm
My DH's work status played a huge role on deciding TO have a family. I have always known that I would want to SAH with my kids before they went to school, and my DH's income allows me to do that. We did not decide when to have a family so much as just knew that after we got married we were happy for it to happen when it happened. And it did happen about 8 months after that. He has a 16yo ds who lives with us, and my ds was born about 2.5 months ago, so we have our hands full. We are going to wait a couple of years to have another, and that will be the last. After they are in school, I will probably go back to school to get a degree in whatever interests me at that time. I don't plan on always being at home, but I am forever grateful that I have the opportunity right now!

April

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Registered: 04-03-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 5:31pm
Wow... I never realized I was in such a minority... I guess I do think too much about things.. here is my story. Married 12 years before we decided that I could be a SAH mom and we tried for oh about 2 months to get pregnant. I was lucky to SAH during the pregnancy and now for the forseable future(DD is now 4.5 months old and very healthy).

We consciously did not get pregnant for the first 12 years because of insurance issues, work issues, commutes, etc. FOR ME I felt it was best to be able to stay at home and the joke is if I want something we cannot afford I know the solution.. I would have to go back to work... So usually we decide we can live without that new gadget or whatever. (We have most of the toys people feel they can't live without from our first 12 years).

Beth

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Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 4:12pm
My family was not planned nor was it prevented. My Husband and I got caught in the Millinum baby rush. We wanted children but thought lets go for it and see if we get the Millennium baby as a bonus. We started trying the last week of March beginning of April. I found out in May that I was pregnant and due on December 31st. I stayed home for 4 months went back to work, then quit work and went to vocational education at night. Now I am working part-time and make twice as much as I was making as an Asst manager at McDonalds and will finish college in 2005.

My whole planning when we first got married was that I would have a good job and be able to quit and stay home or go to part-time work if I wanted to. Or I could work full-time with flexible hours.

The next time around hopefully I will be finished with college and be able to quit my job and stay home or I'll go back if my Husband ever gets a good work schedule. There is no way Iwould have another child with the way my Husband's work is . He is a plumber and works 5 days a week 7am till 4:30 travels an hour to ninety minutes to get to work. In winters he works on Saturdays. If an emergency happens he has go to that emergency. So I basiclly have to bring our daughter to day-care and pick her up, cook dinner and breakfast. Plus I do homework at night. ( Now I do not go to school I took a year off and will be back in College in September). There is no way I would bring a second child into this chaos. Plus I am only 25 and have another 15 years or more to go before menopause. If my Husband wants more kids which he does he can quit his job first and live off my salary. I know I make enough to pay the bills.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 5:54pm
2 weeks ago. Also coinciding with my first foray into Parent Soup LOL.

Seriously. DH and I have been considering it and discussing it for awhile and finally we decided that I would go off BC and see what happened. :)

We are financially OK (house, car, boat) with both of us working full time at this point. We started saving for retirement at 20 years of age - when I got my first job - and continue to do so.

But that didn't have a thing to do with this decision. It just felt right. Well, up until last summer at my brother's wedding, I had always thought I wouldn't have children. I'd never really wanted kids, and had no interest. Since then, things have changed and I think that maybe it isn't such a bad idea. A year of deliberation and here we are. LOL. We don't make decisions lightly - it can take up to an hour to decide what to do for supper.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 1:40pm
You don't think about things too much! Congrats on being one of the few who took the time to plan and consciously decide the most important thing in your life, your children.