When did you decide to start a family *m

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
When did you decide to start a family *m
22
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 3:22pm
and did your work status influence that decision? How so? If not, what were the factors that went into your decision to start a family at the age or time of life that you started one?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 3:27pm
I didn't mean to put this under question of the week *DUH*. I just meant it to be in with the rest of them. How embarrassing. Sorry if this is just the CL section of the board! That was my first time posting on the new boards, again, *DUH*.


Edited 3/27/2003 4:28:38 PM ET by mydoodlebugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 4:52pm
Planning? LOL

I met my dh in 8/97. We got engaged 10/97. We married 2/98, dd arrived 8/29/98, ds arrived 8/6/99.

The extent of our 'family planning' was discussing children one nigt right after we were engaged. We decided to stop using protection. It did not take long :) After my dd was born, we were looking into birth control methods, when to my surprise, the very doc appt. I made to make my choice, I found I was in fact, pregnant again.

We were young.. 22 and 23 years old. When we met, we just *knew* we would be together. And five years later, here we are - happily together.

Our station in life had no influence whatsoever on our decision. He was fresh out of the military and divorced with no job. I was a chronic college drop-out. We literally started with nothing. I was 3 months pregnant when we got our first couch in our apartment, and we shared a twin sized bed until I was six months along.

Because it seems you are asking this question out of curiosity from the "class" question, I will tell you that too - dh and I both came from middle class.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 5:23pm
Define "start a family".

Most people define that as having children, but I think that marrying is just as much "starting a family", just the first step.

My husband and I married when I was exactly 18 1/2. He was 33. We decided to have children 6 months later. I had wanted children my entire life. All of my childhood, my dream was to be a SAH wife and mom who drove a minivan. :) Our daughter was born 15 months and 1 week after we got married. Our son was born 18 months after her, though he was an "oops" baby. God knew soooo much better than us that having a 2nd child was the right thing for our family!

As far as SAH/WOH status, we both knew that we wanted me home. Unfortunately, it hasn't always been that way (off and on), but most of my kids lives it has. If I were able to have more kids, I would not do it unless I could be home with them while they were infants/toddlers/preschoolers. And I wouldn't want to have more kids unless I could either SAH or work only when they were in school once they reached 1st grade. It is just something that is very important to me....more so even than when we first decided to have children!

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 8:58pm
Well, it went something like this: I got pregnant.

No planning involved (except that I was planning on NOT having children)...we'd been married about 3 months when I got pg. We were using bc, I think my number was just up. I was 30, xh was 34 when Joel was born.

The original plan, although I wasn't at ALL comfortable with it, was for me to continue WOH and my ex would SAH. A bunch of stuff happened, though. I had pg complications that made me have to quit working. I left my husband when Joel was 5 weeks old. Joel had all these problems and had to have a lot of medical attention. So it turned out that I SAH for 4 years, lived off Joel's portion of his dad's SS (and lived with my parents) and then WOH after that. None of it was really planned. It just sorta worked out the way it did.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 9:59pm
I married dh at 32, & didn't want to wait to long, because I didn't want to run out of time. My work status didn't play much into it, but co-incidently, I was working in a fertility clinic, & I know that fueled a paranoia that my biological time clock was running out fast. I was really concerned that it would take a long time to get pregnant. My husbands work status had more influence. He had a new job, & his insurance hadn't gone into effect yet. So we decided as soon as we had insurance, we would try to make a baby. All my concerns about not being able to get pg were unfounded. Our beautiful baby boy came into the world 9 months & 3 days after the insurance kicked in !
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 8:42am
Dh and I got married right out of college, but I had bigger and better things to do than start a family right away ; ) So I went to law school figuring that we could have a family whenever we wanted. Of course, that didn't quite go as planned. We started trying to have a baby when I was 29 or 30 ~ had our first dd when I was 32 and the second just before my 36th birthday. So, yes my work status influenced the timing. Also, we waited until I was established enough in my job that my firm would allow me to work a reduced schedule.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 8:47am
When the home pregnancy test came out positive.

>>and did your work status influence that decision?>>

No, I was 21 and a single mom. The baby and I were on my Insurance. I really had no choice but to continue working.

<< If not, what were the factors that went into your decision to start a family at the age or time of life that you started one? >>

My daddys shotgun. ;-)

Just kidding. But the babys father and I got married. The first couple years were *hard* very hard, but we struggled through. No planning involved. Even though it wasn't near perfect circumstances, it has all worked out now. We're in a good place with 2 more kids. He had one from a previous marriage, who is 19 now. I'm not much of a planner, as it seems every well-laid plan I've ever had has had a monkey wrench thrown in it. I'm more of a "take what the universe gives you, and deal with it" sort of gal.

And looking back, I wouldn't do a thing differently.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 9:41am
We decided after we were married one year to forget b/c. It took a while and some assistance to get started. The timing of having children was dictated by the status of our marriage, and had nothing to do with our careers, although in retrospect I'm so glad I was through grad school and had 9 years of work under my belt before DS#1 was born.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 10:32am
I could go ON and ON about this one.

Needless to say (to the regulars, anyway), we haven't started a family. And my work status has DEFINITELY been a part of that. I work with hazardous chemicals.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:20am
DH and I tried starting a family pretty much right after we got married. I was 32 and DH was 38 when we got married. DH wanted a child before he turned 40. DS1 was born 2 months after DH turned 40. My work status did not factor in. We knew if DH wanted to start his own practice, I would have to continue working in order for that to happen. We also knew we wanted a family and that we could work things out with me WOH. After all, my mom WOH and had a family, as did hers. We knew that we would make things work. Things have worked out pretty much as we planned, but it took longer than we thought it would have. DH finally started his own practice in June of 1999. I've been pretty much the breadwinner since then.

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