Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

Avatar for cmpat
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Registered: 02-21-2003
Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior
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Mon, 01-10-2011 - 2:51pm

Can a regimen of no playdates, no TV, no computer games and hours of music practice create happy kids? And what happens when they fight back? excerpt copied from the Wall Street Journal

...Despite our squeamishness about cultural stereotypes, there are tons of studies out there showing marked and quantifiable differences between Chinese and Westerners when it comes to parenting. In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that "stressing academic success is not good for children" or that "parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun." By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way.

Instead, the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be "the best" students, that "academic achievement reflects successful parenting," and that if children did not excel at school then there was "a problem" and parents "were not doing their job." ... more

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Personal Note: I graduated from a large HS in Calgary in '74 and even then the Chinese students were predominantly on the top of the honor roll and they also drove the best cars! These study results are not a revelation to me -- what does surprise me however, is the use of the word 'superior'. I view it more that children have a variety of strengths and differences based on culture and environment..., your thoughts?

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Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 11:19am

ROFL and GAAAHHHHHHHH! At her 5yo check-up, the ped asked if dd could tie her own shoes. When I told him she started doing that at 2, he actually told me in the most condescending way that this was impossible. No, mr. doucheped, it ain't @@. She may have tied them in an odd way, and it may have taken her 40 minutes to do it, but she tied the stupid shoes.

Avatar for mommy2amani
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 11:01am
  • When DD was 2, I picked her up at childcare one day and her shoes were on the wrong feet.
  • Avatar for rollmops2009
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    Registered: 02-24-2009
    Wed, 01-12-2011 - 5:07pm

    It was really big when dd was small, and it used to drive me BERSERK! A friend of mine was really impressed by dd's drawings, and upset about her dd's not being as detailed or something. But every time her kid made a mark on paper, the mother would scream. "That is BEAUTIFUL!" I told her that this was not really very nice, because it communicated to the kid that the mother didn't actually give a rat's patootie what the kid drew (or that she was completely lacking discernment). Kids are not completely stupid, they are just small and a bit lacking in the language department.

    I told her that it would make more sense to really look at the drawing and give some kind of sensible feedback, like, "neat color over here, do you like purple?" or "what is this thing here?" She did take my advice and was quite amazed at how her kid's enthusiasm for drawing took off.

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    Registered: 06-16-2010
    Wed, 01-12-2011 - 3:32pm

    Kevali


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    Avatar for rollmops2009
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    Registered: 02-24-2009
    Wed, 01-12-2011 - 2:28pm

    iVillage Member
    Registered: 10-22-2009
    Wed, 01-12-2011 - 2:26pm
    Oh boy, if I told ds 12 he was special every time he did something, his "me syndrome" would be nauseating!
    Avatar for mom34101
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    Registered: 03-27-2003
    Wed, 01-12-2011 - 1:21pm
    Lol. I must not have been around then because I think the "you are special" thing is a bit out of control too. This "Chinese parenting" thing just seems like the other extreme to me. Thankfully, there is a middle ground!
    Avatar for rollmops2009
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    Registered: 02-24-2009
    Wed, 01-12-2011 - 12:51pm

    I do agree with you on those points, and there have been times when I steered dd through difficult things in spite of tears and tantrums. However, I think it is possible to do that without calling your kid "garbage" and without keeping her up all night with no food or water.

    Avatar for mom34101
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    Registered: 03-27-2003
    Wed, 01-12-2011 - 11:28am
    I agree with you on the downside. The author's tactics sound like child abuse to me, but I think the no tv/video games part makes sense. I also think there's something in the value of succeeding at something that's difficult, such as learning an instrument, that a kid on his own might choose to quit when it doesn't come easily (or when he gets to the hard part). I also think that we have gone too far with the whole "self-esteem" movement that wants to see everyone as a "winner."
    Avatar for cmpat
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    Registered: 02-21-2003
    Wed, 01-12-2011 - 10:35am

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