Why did you have children?

Avatar for cindytree
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Registered: 03-28-2003
Why did you have children?
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Mon, 06-09-2003 - 4:29pm
That's all. Just curious about the answers.

Cindy

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Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 4:43pm
I had my kids because i wanted them and was "ready" for them (as much as one can be, LOL!).
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 4:59pm
My first child was an unexpected joy. I went through the options-I was a scared 20 year old college drop out. DH and I were unmarried at that time and fighting constantly. I had friends that offered to pay for an abortion. I can not really describe it but I felt I was at a crossroads in my life. I could either run away from another problem and push the pain down deep or I could grow up. I could continue to be aimless and wounded or I could become responible and deal with my problems. I chose to deal. The miracle was that DH had cancer and did not know. Zak was a miracle. DH had his first brain surgery when Zak was a month old. He needed Zak so much at that time-emotionally and physically. He needed Zak so he did not get bitter that he was 24 and had brain cancer. He needed Zak to remind him to fight to get well. I thank God for Zak every day and I am so glad I had him. Who knew that 2 imperfect people could create such a being? It is truly miraculous.

The second child was a little more difficult. I knew that our families would be greatly upset because my husband has terminal brain cancer. When we were pregnant with our first child, he was diagnosed when I was 8 months pregnant. We had to wait 2 years to get pregnant again because of DH's chemo. We waited 4 years and got pregnant 2 weeks before he went in to have his second brain surgery. He had his right temporal lobe removed. We chose to have Alex because we decided you can not live in fear. I knew if DH died in surgery, I could raise him on my own. I knew that if we live like we are dying then we are. We needed Alex. We needed another child to remind us that in the midst of death there is life.

My mother was the only one that had issues. She cried for 2 days solid and told me I was a very selfish individual to bring a child into the world whose father is going to die. I was deeply hurt but it is our life. I was pregnant with Alex when DH had his radiation and his chemo. It helped us focus on the future and not the cancer. Also, it helped Zak my eldest son, to focus on something other than his father's health. Alex has turned out to be the happiest, wildest, cutest child. Truly a blessing from God.

Now I want another one-the family joke is that every time I get pregnant DH has brain surgery and FIL (who has married 4 times!) gets remarried. So, I may not. I really do not want to dare fate.

Kristi


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 6:03pm
We just felt emotionally ready. Actually, it was more like, "we really want to have a baby now." I can't articulate the exact reasons but it was just what we felt in our gut. Then we ttc for about year without success, went on clomid without success, was about to go with more "intense" fertility treatments, then we decide to "put it one hold" because we were both going to start new jobs. Guess what, the minute I stopped the clomid, I got pregnant. Go figure.
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Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 6:31pm
What a truly touching story, you a very brave woman. Thank you for sharing it with us.
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Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 6:41pm
Well, when I met DH he already had a child. Zach was 3 and lived with him mom. Shortly after we announced our engagement, she brought him for a visit and didn't come back. So poof - ready-made family. Not that it was easy, I was 24 and had no idea what to do with a kid. Lucky for me he could walk, talk and pee on the potty! I've always told him that he taught me how to be a mommy and that if it weren't for him I would have had a harder time adjusting when the next one came along!

ODD came next. I think I missed a pill or something, but lo and behold I was pregnant. We were scared, as we had no idea how we would afford another one. Especially since I lost my job at 6 months pregnant. But I wouldn't trade her for the world.

YDD is a year now. We had just moved into our first purchased home. We were coming back from the back to school night at DS's elementary school when we were rear ended. Long story short, we found out at the hospital that we were again expecting. (It was only a few days past Sept. 11th and the mood in the ER went from totally somber to completely joyous when the guy came out and announced it.)

So - Why did I have children? It just happened that way I guess. All three of my kids are "happy accidents." I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Part of what attracted me to DH was how great he was with his son. I really can't imagine my life any other way.

But we're done. No more. Once they start outnumbering you, it's time to stop in my book! LOL

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 7:43pm
CFBC for the last 9 years, but we're planning on children at some point in the future. The time just hasn't been right yet. I haven't felt/heard the "biological clock" ticking yet...and at this point we're still just really enjoying each others' (& our dog's) company! We still have much more travelling we'd like to do & more to accomplish in our businesses & education. Also, we're planning on BOTH WAH before children come along (DH WAH now, and has for the last 3+ years), so that we can both share the same amount of time with each other/kids/work/home, etc. once we add children to our family. We'd like to be completely debt free & have plenty in our savings.

Why will we have children? Well......there's a wanting to have a "family" (in the usual sense of the word; though we already ARE a family), wanting to have children to share & expand our lives & experiences. Wanting to teach little ones & watch them grow. Wanting to bring more magic back into the holidays (does that count?!) :) Lots of reasons, but none of them pressing. We like things the way they are now...quiet evenings just reading or doing our own thing (painting, gaming, etc.), weekend canoe trips on the lake, impromptu vacations...but some day we'll decide the time is right to add another person to our family. Just not right now.


Avatar for taylormomma
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Registered: 03-23-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 8:44pm
Because I was tired of my life being about me.
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 9:02pm
OK, I'll be brutally honest. I don't know. I wanted a child desperately, and fought through a miscarriage, months of TTC, and a difficult pregnancy with a life-threatening disease to get my child here... and I'm SO glad! However, as I am the youngest child of my parents, I really had never experienced a baby in the house. As much as I thought I knew about what to expect from having children... I was just way off. I can't even figure what I thought it was going to be like anymore. It's better, but harder. I am happy to give more - to give all that I have, but I don't think I realized it would be that way.

This has actually been on my mind because my sister is TTC with several infertility factors - male AND female factors - and it struck me that she is where I was before I had children. Maybe that's where most of us are before we had children... but since I'm the only one copping to it, who knows?

-Deb

 

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Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 10:11pm
I blame it all on the Baby Gap. Those clothes were just too damn cute.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 10:15pm
LOL! I don't think my kids had one single baby gap outfit... now those cute little shoes, those I could never resist!

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